How do I get her to see that I am good for her ‘little’boy’?!?!?!
by Phili on 07/08 @ 7:12pmI’m 19 years old. Been with my boyfriend, same age, for almost 3 years. Obv no plans for marriage at my age and yet his mum is the ultimate in MIL. I have never felt so dsliked in my life. At 19 I have yet to fight with my own mother. Even once. She agrees, she used to fight with my sister but I have never been anything other than easy-going and happy.
However, this woman is enough to get me on the verge of tears and screaming. So often when we are talking she gives constant digs about how I have taken her baby from her, how he was the only one who ever helped around the house but I never let him back to her.
He did not help around the house at all by the way, she’s totally deluded there.
Anyway, she once told me that no mother will like the girl (empahsis on girl) who took his innocence. I had promised him I wouldn’t let slip that I was the second girl he slept with. His first was with a mini-slag at the age of fourteen on the floor of a multi-story car park. However, he was my first. Also, he used to smoke cannabis heavily, but he gave up for me, not because I asked but because he knew I hated it. All his friends are now onto much heavier drugs and he believes he would be the same if it wasn’t for me - and he tells me it was one of the best things anyone did for him. So, these times his mum remembers him being the perfect son he was actually down the park getting pissed and stoned with his other pre-adolescent friends.
I have tried so many things to try and get her to like me. She came to a posh restaurant with me, my sister, my mum and a few of our family friends for a good girly gossip even though I knew she would embarrass me. Which she did. And at the weekend I helped my boyfriend scrub her kitchen, I spent hours on the hob. Her reaction: ‘it wasn’t that clean’. It was, I worked so hard that it gleamed.
I don’t know what else to do. Please could someone give me some tips. When me and my boyfriend had a minor row for the first time a couple of months ago (vaguely related to her - although he doesn’t know how much I hate her) one thought that kept my heart light was that if we split at least I’d never have to see her again.
I just want to give up and get away from her.
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Advice
5 Responses to “How do I get her to see that I am good for her ‘little’boy’?!?!?!”
I’m so sorry, but you have to give this up as a lost cause.
You will never, ever make her see that you are a kind and decent person, a good choice for her son. You see, she thinks that SHE is the only good choice for her son and you are usurping her place.
First, I would totally cut off the toxic hosebeast. Who needs that kind of stress anyway? Her birthday, ignore it. Mothers Day, ditto.
What I’m not sure is why in the heck does she feel the need to stick her nose into her son’s sex life? Why did this subject ever come up?
Keep her out of your Girl’s Night Out events. If she hates you and embarrasses you there is no need to drag her with. Learn the fine art of detachment. I wouldn’t so much as empty an ashtray after the way she treats you.
Good luck.
- the shiksagoddess
I agree with the comment by the shiksagoddess. You will never make her see how good you are for her son. Just know we are all going thru this. You have the one thing she loves which is her son and ultimately you will be able to give her son something she could never which are chlidren so try to forget about her liking you. good luck!
Thanks you two!
Yesterday - after writing that - I found out that there was a family meal that night that she made clear to my boyfriend I was not welcome at, despite getting along well with the rest of his family.
This, along with your comments, really has finally made me see that I really can leave her to live her lonely existence without any guilt.
Thank you again.
I really hope things are not too difficult with your MILs. For me, I know I won’t be able to cut her completely but alleviating my feeling of duty had certainly helped my considerably right now.
Thanks - I hope vmarino and I could help. However, as you might have surmised all is not rosy with me and my ILs. That’s why I’m here.
Her biggest problem is that she’s Jewish and I’m not. That’s where I get my pen name.
WOW well hey atleast there’s no kids involved cuz it would be alot tougher! well good luck & for someone as sweet & nice as you sound you don’t need such an evil bitch in your life;)