Some background… My MIL has been cold to me from day one. I was the first girlfriend my husband introduced to the family in years and then I came along. My own mother passed away 5 months into the relationship and she never acknowledged it.It is 5 years later and she has still yet to treat me like anything more than a guest in her house. This past year I was pregnant with her first grandchild (my first child too) and she never called me once to ask how I was feeling even though it was a high risk pregnancy. A week before my little girl was born she finally invited me over for lunch just the two of us which was soooooo uncomfortable. Now with the baby is here she wants to come over all the time… She is super fake and her motives are simply to be with the baby. She finds ways to criticize me and uses sarcasm to embarrass me in front of the family whenever her son is not around. Too much to type!!
She took it upon herself to buy a 4th of july outfit.. I politely thanked her at the time. I put the outfit I wanted my daughter to wear after all, its my first child… and it was her first july 4th. When i showed up without the outfit on her, the entire family was rude to me and didnt speak to me at all. What can I do to to not allow her to bother me and hurt my marriage. My husband doesnt see what she is doing to me. Losing my mother was hard enough, but to inherit such a cold person who has always managed to make trouble in my marriage is sooooo hurtful to me.
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Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
Advice
7 Responses to “Holiday Outfit”
i’m sorry about your mom. i have a mil that sounds a lot like yours unfortunatly. about the outfit thing, i have a story for you about my mil as well. on my daughters first christmas, her great grandma was crocheted a red and white dress for her. everyone in the family knew that, well, my mil decided that she would buy my daughter a christmas dress as well, which was fine except for when i opened it IT WAS RED AND WHITE too. of course, i was pissed, but to top it off, she got mad because in the santa claus pics, i put the great grandma dress on instead of hers. good luck, i know how stupid it can get.
Thank you so much for the response. Sometimes you can feel like you are losing your mind. Not looking forward to have the boundries talk with them.
I am real sorry to learn what you are going through. First of all, know, you are wonderful, precious and deserve to be treated with respect and care.
You DO NOT deserve to be called names. You DO NOT deserve to be criticized. You DO NOT deserve to be made embarrassed. You DO NOT deserve to be controlled or have controlling behaviors — which is what buying an outfit for YOUR child and causing a fuss when you don’t put it on YOUR child is…
You deserve a POSITIVE, DRAMA FREE, GOOD WORD ONLY ENVIRONMENT. Your mil is abusive. Their are 3 types of abuse — sexual abuse, physical abuse and emotional abuse. Your mil is emotionally abusive.
Emotionally abusive people are unhealthy. You deserve to be around healthy adults.
Shame on your mil and the family for supporting such destructive behaviors.
What do you think about getting a counselor or therapist to help you sort out how to deal with this problem? My fear for you is it will get worse as your child grows. Unhealthy mil have a need to dominate every person in their lives — especially innocent children…
Isn’t it convenient how the mil only seems to do this when your husband is NOT around. What makes this so horrible is that she must KNOW what she is doing is WRONG — as opposed to some abusive people who honestly are so hurt inside that they have no comprehension of their wrong doings.
Keep your head high vmarino. You and your family are worth so very much and keep your self-esteem and self-image up — ok?! You are a wonderful mother and you know what you are doing. Your self-worth is not measured by what this unhealthy mil says or does.
Good luck.
Amanda
I know what you are going through in several respects…my Mom passed away 2 years ago and both MIL and FIL never mention it or ever did, very cold. In my situation both MIL and FIL make sarcastic comments. The difference with my deal is they don’t interact with their only grandson (our son) at all, horribly sad. I could go on and on because EVERY time we see them there is something hurtful one of them will do or say, and it’s been 8 years of this. Needless to say me and my husband are going to counseling this weekend, long overdue. If your husband isn’t supporting you you may need to get outside help for him to realize the pain this is causing. Don’t be like me and think it’s going to change or get better. I wish we had gone 7 years ago!
Hugs to you, I know what it’s like to be a motherless daughter raising a child with hateful in-laws and I would’nt wish it on anyone. I bet we could talk for hours!!
Hi, So sorry to hear about your mother. I recently lost my father (Feb 22, 08) I dont know if it will help, but I finally got fed up with all of the bull that I was going thru with my entire in law family and sat down one day with my husband and his parents and let it rip. I did not leave anything out. I told them that our children are exactly that: Our Children NOT thiers. and I will do whatever I feel like is best for them. I said they can suggest but I will not be forced or persuaded into doing something I do not want to do. I also looked at my husband and quoted the bible where it says ‘A man leaves his mother and father and clings to his wife’ which is what he needs to do and stand behind me 100% and take up for me when they are being rude/disrespectful to me. Since we had that discussion (which was very brutal at times and hard for me to do) things have gotten better and I told my mil that I would like a relationship with her, she just makes it hard. So things are better not perfect but at least better. Hopefully some of this will help you!! Remember you only get your babies once and YOU need to enjoy them and not have to be stressed because of others.
I have a similar situation and have a pretty good idea how you are feeling. Thankfully my own mother is a saint and gave me this advice which I’ll share with you:
Take care of your baby and limit your time with the mil, Having a young baby is demanding and exhausting and any extra energy you have, don’t waste it on her. You are the baby’s mother and don’t have to justify ANYTHING to her. Raise your baby the way YOU were raised by your lovely mom and use her as an example of how you;ll never be.
Goodluck!
I have the same issue except the outfit…I was put on bedrest for over 5 months and had an iv in my arm and not once did she ask about me or my daughter but about a week before I had her she decided to start being nice…she actually has 2 other grandchildren…my advice is to sit her down with your husband and explain to her that she cant act like that to you…I’m planning on doing it this weekend with my mother in law… my husband and I have been fighting about the whole issue mainly because I have let her get to me…… she ruined my wedding day so we haven’t talked to her for about a month but I know I personally will feel a lot better if I say what I feel and let her know I’m standing my ground and she needs to back off.