I recently relocated to be with my boyfriend, with plans on marrying him. His mother and I have a decent relationship up until now. She is like Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond; always wanting to know your business, helpful, but inappropriate. I have been very reserved in my interactions with her because I believed that she would not understand or respect other’s boundaries.
My boyfriend and I have been having some problems and it was suggested that he goes to therapy to deal with his issues first and later we would go to couples therapy. His mother suggested the therapist. Days before his scheduled appointment she took it upon herself to write a detailed letter outlining her son’s history everything from his education, former problems etc. She read the letter to her daughter-in-law and after her daughter-in-law advicing her not to send the letter, she proceed to send the letter and tells her daughter-in-law not to tell me that she sent it.
Well I was told and confronted her. She continues to believe that she did the right thing because she felt it was a mother’s duty for her 30-year old son. She also continued to clean his apartment before I moved in because she was bored. She does not understand that she over stepped my boundaries.
I honestly believe that she believes that she did the right thing. Yet, despite all the other people she has gone to, to complain, has told her that she was wrong. Thus, for my own sanity and stress-reduction I decided to not have contact with her outside of holidays and a few occasions here and there. I know that this is a harsh step, but I feel that it is necessary so that I will not have my boundaries respected and to stop the fighting, I believe that the best course of action would be to not fuel it by having long deep conversations. Although this is truly not the type of relationship that I want, I believe that this is the best option for the moment.
Any advice for changing this would be appreciated.
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