Gotta tell ya, I LOVE your site! I read through your advice articles at least once a week, and I got to admit, It’s nice to know your not alone!
I must tell you though, I haven’t read one yet quite like mine.My MIL…..Poor MIL….had a tough life growing up, married young, divorced love of her life because of his family (the irony), struggled with two kids on her own (hardly any help from dad),remarried friend for stability, suffered nervous breakdown and won’t let go (20yrs ago), blames problems on everyone else, makes my husband feel like he owes something to her but she is just scared to be independent, very negative about everything, very voice tress and loud, HYPOCHONDRIAC!!!!- This month she needs a hip replacement, she has anxiety disorder- so she can’t be left alone or drive or anything on her own without crying because she feels dizzy and will pass out (never actually seen her pass out before, just witnessed her Bull S&%# panic attacks-of course only when my husbands around or someone elses she needs to get attention from)-a few conditions are real but all self conflicted due to smoking, poor hygiene, poor diet & lack of movement, LAZY, makes a big deal out of doing one thing around the house(like sweeping-instead of using a broom she scoots around on her fat A*& with a dustpan and brush) and that is all she’ll do a week, she’d rather use a dirty toilet than clean it (I have a 3yrs old who is potty training for christ sake), her and her lazy fat A*^ 33yr old daughter (two peas in a pod)actually justify there laziness-I get stuck with everything!, when confronted there’s always a fight, MIL wastes every minute of the day online/playing phone games,watching TV or sleeping, I can’t sit in the living room because that’s where she sleeps, I can’t sit in the kitchen because that’s where she play’s her computer, can’t enjoy a smoke cuz she’s always outside smoking. I can’t get away from her-she’s like the thing from the movie shutter-always on my back, she always makes these annoying remarks about pointless shit or touchy subjects, will tell you the same sad story about her life even when you’ve told her you’ve heard it, she makes every new person she meets think she’s this poor woman who gets mistreated by everyone all the time (until they get to know her)-than it’s all about the gossip and opinions, she knows I’m sick of it because my husband and I just had a huge blow out about how she doesn’t think I like her anymore (I can’t stand to be in the same room with her or my SIL!!! I really think I’m going crazy), I told my husband how i feel Used all the time (not the first time either, multiple times through the years, he knows how I feel and he’ll get on them and that just makes things worse, I am literally becoming spiteful, and cleaning around there messes or not doing anything for them anymore (tired of all the cigarette runs/job runs/perscription runs/dr’s appointments-let lazy SIL do it!)-hell just avoiding them at all costs if I can)-He say’s I’m cold hearted and I’m not considering his family’s feelings-she’s sick (sick in the head maybe)…she might die soon (she’s 53-god hates me, she’ll have me wiping her A$% by the time she’s 60)…then he’ll never forgive himself….there all the family he’s got- WELL what about us? he does have a wife & 2 kids!!!!- These two women have attached themselves on to our lives like leeches-they have slowly sucked all the enjoyment/energy/and elder respect out of me, I don’t know how much more fake smiles (to keep the peace) I can put on. I am really to the point where I’m going to end my 12 yr (happy) marriage just to be rid of them-then they’ll have there boy back. I need some peace, I need to think of myself for once, they make me feel like I’m the problem.
What to do….what to do????
Anybody have some good old fashioned revenge advice-cuz I could reallly use some!!!!
I must tell you though, I haven’t read one yet quite like mine.My MIL…..Poor MIL….had a tough life growing up, married young, divorced love of her life because of his family (the irony), struggled with two kids on her own (hardly any help from dad),remarried friend for stability, suffered nervous breakdown and won’t let go (20yrs ago), blames problems on everyone else, makes my husband feel like he owes something to her but she is just scared to be independent, very negative about everything, very voice tress and loud, HYPOCHONDRIAC!!!!- This month she needs a hip replacement, she has anxiety disorder- so she can’t be left alone or drive or anything on her own without crying because she feels dizzy and will pass out (never actually seen her pass out before, just witnessed her Bull S&%# panic attacks-of course only when my husbands around or someone elses she needs to get attention from)-a few conditions are real but all self conflicted due to smoking, poor hygiene, poor diet & lack of movement, LAZY, makes a big deal out of doing one thing around the house(like sweeping-instead of using a broom she scoots around on her fat A*& with a dustpan and brush) and that is all she’ll do a week, she’d rather use a dirty toilet than clean it (I have a 3yrs old who is potty training for christ sake), her and her lazy fat A*^ 33yr old daughter (two peas in a pod)actually justify there laziness-I get stuck with everything!, when confronted there’s always a fight, MIL wastes every minute of the day online/playing phone games,watching TV or sleeping, I can’t sit in the living room because that’s where she sleeps, I can’t sit in the kitchen because that’s where she play’s her computer, can’t enjoy a smoke cuz she’s always outside smoking. I can’t get away from her-she’s like the thing from the movie shutter-always on my back, she always makes these annoying remarks about pointless shit or touchy subjects, will tell you the same sad story about her life even when you’ve told her you’ve heard it, she makes every new person she meets think she’s this poor woman who gets mistreated by everyone all the time (until they get to know her)-than it’s all about the gossip and opinions, she knows I’m sick of it because my husband and I just had a huge blow out about how she doesn’t think I like her anymore (I can’t stand to be in the same room with her or my SIL!!! I really think I’m going crazy), I told my husband how i feel Used all the time (not the first time either, multiple times through the years, he knows how I feel and he’ll get on them and that just makes things worse, I am literally becoming spiteful, and cleaning around there messes or not doing anything for them anymore (tired of all the cigarette runs/job runs/perscription runs/dr’s appointments-let lazy SIL do it!)-hell just avoiding them at all costs if I can)-He say’s I’m cold hearted and I’m not considering his family’s feelings-she’s sick (sick in the head maybe)…she might die soon (she’s 53-god hates me, she’ll have me wiping her A$% by the time she’s 60)…then he’ll never forgive himself….there all the family he’s got- WELL what about us? he does have a wife & 2 kids!!!!- These two women have attached themselves on to our lives like leeches-they have slowly sucked all the enjoyment/energy/and elder respect out of me, I don’t know how much more fake smiles (to keep the peace) I can put on. I am really to the point where I’m going to end my 12 yr (happy) marriage just to be rid of them-then they’ll have there boy back. I need some peace, I need to think of myself for once, they make me feel like I’m the problem.
What to do….what to do????
Anybody have some good old fashioned revenge advice-cuz I could reallly use some!!!!
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Advice
6 Responses to “Haven’t read one quite like mine yet?”
OMG I read your post and thought I may have written it while under a MIL stress induced blackout. But I don’t have the sil, thank God. I feel for you, I can’t imagine double the trouble. I have the same issues with my mil wanting me to do everything like cigerette runs, prescription pick-ups at the very last minute, she never feels good, when you ask how she is it’s always “this or that hurts”. Oh and if I don’t the prescriptions when she wants them she acts like she’s dying. Oh and then everytime she does something around the house you would think she is dying. I hope you get some peace soon. Can you stay with a member of your family for a weekend just to have some down time? Are you getting out with friends at all? I know it’s hard with a little one, mine was 3 when my mil came to live with us. I know getting out won’t fix the problem but for me it does ease the stress. Hang in there.
I deal with many of the same frustrations that you are encountering with my MIL. Like yours my MIL always has an ailment and buries herself under the mounds of prescriptions medications and doctor appointment cards. My MIL is so attached to her hypochondriac persona that she even has her family doctor wrapped around her finger, with a phone call to his office or home, he will call her in a prescription or a refill, believing her self diagnosis and not requiring a visit. As in your case, a few of her conditions are real but all self-inflicted due to smoking, poor hygiene, poor diet, and lack of movement…but she expects everyone to sympathize with her self-induced illnesses.
I am also grossed out by my MIL housekeeping and the bit of cleaning that does get done around her house is done by my SIL who is 26 and still living at home (two peas in a pod). They spend their free hours together online, watching TV, sleeping, or talking on the phone. Like your MIL the living room is my MIL’s bedroom too, the kitchen is her TV/online space, and the garage is her smoking lounge… so we have much in common.
I however have only been married 1 year, I have no children in the picture from our marriage or a previous marriage at all (2 dogs though, and she demands shared custody of them… haha)
She knows I don’t like her anymore… and I’m fully aware that she doesn’t like me either. My husband and I haven’t spoken to her in about 3 weeks and that’s rare because she’s the type to call my husband 3-5 times a day and expects a visit at least once a week. I have to say… I’m not sure how to resolve it though… I’m in the same position that you are in. Unfortunately since my MIL and myself both have very assertive, honest, bold personalities that I think it will be hard to ever resolve it. We butt heads on every level and neither one of us can come to a common ground.
If you want to share stories I have plenty… at times I think my MIL is worse than the character in the movie Monster-In-Law.
My Response
I deal with many of the same frustrations that you are encountering with my MIL. Like yours my MIL always has an ailment and buries herself under the mounds of prescriptions medications and doctor appointment cards. My MIL is so attached to her hypochondriac persona that she even has her family doctor wrapped around her finger, with a phone call to his office or home, he will call her in a prescription or a refill, believing her self diagnosis and not requiring a visit. As in your case, a few of her conditions are real but all self-inflicted due to smoking, poor hygiene, poor diet, and lack of movement…but she expects everyone to sympathize with her self-induced illnesses.
I am also grossed out by my MIL housekeeping and the bit of cleaning that does get done around her house is done by my SIL who is 26 and still living at home (two peas in a pod). They spend their free hours together online, watching TV, sleeping, or talking on the phone. Like your MIL the living room is my MIL’s bedroom too, the kitchen is her TV/online space, and the garage is her smoking lounge… so we have much in common.
I however have only been married 1 year, I have no children in the picture from our marriage or a previous marriage at all (2 dogs though, and she demands shared custody of them… haha)
She knows I don’t like her anymore… and I’m fully aware that she doesn’t like me either. My husband and I haven’t spoken to her in about 3 weeks and that’s rare because she’s the type to call my husband 3-5 times a day and expects a visit at least once a week. I have to say… I’m not sure how to resolve it though… I’m in the same position that you are in. Unfortunately since my MIL and myself both have very assertive, honest, bold personalities that I think it will be hard to ever resolve it. We butt heads on every level and neither one of us can come to a common ground.
If you want to share stories I have plenty… at times I think my MIL is worse than the character in the movie Monster-In-Law.
I have a similar situation, my MIL was married young had my husband and brother-in-law, divorced their father because he was abusive (physically) which I am totally against, but some days I can justify it!!!! Then blames her 2 sons for her problems and tells them they owe her. I have been married to my husband for 7 years, I have 18 year old twin sons (not his biologically) and we have a six year old daughter. I will have to say that due to finances my MIL watches my daughter while I work. This is not good because she is in my business and I have to see her everyday. She too is a hypochondriac and I get to hear all her ailments. She also has a very mean streak and is verbally abusive the only one in my family she is nice to is my daughter. When my husband does something she does not like she says he is not the son I raised. I respond, “no he is the husband I am raising”. I guess I am just saying I can relate and I understand. Just last night she told me to move to vegas and get a job at the casino as a dealer and with my “big boobs i could make alot of money if I show off some cleavage”!!!! I am still at a loss for words!!!!!!
Wow! Thank-you all so much! Frustrations can come in so many forms, although sometimes there dosn’t seem like there’s a solution (and the solution you want may not always be the best one)or a way out. It’s nice to know your not alone. Hang in there everyone! It’s time we take controle. What keeps me going is knowing the love i have for my family is stronger than anything and I will fight for my rightful place in there hearts, mil needs to relize she’s not queen anymore and i’m not going to deal with her bs any longer! i have made it clear to mil & sil it’s my time and i will no longer do there dirty work and bidding, and if it means i make there life hell in the process, so be it (belive me…I have!), maybe it’s the push mil & sil need to make a life for themselves and stop basing everything around the life we have built. thank-you all again! Keep writting, it help’s hearing from all of you! You can have your family and your sanity too, we just have to play our cards right!
Hi I am so relieved (but sad) to hear that there are other people out there suffering with their mil. Mine is super fit and has a good job, a regular church goer, hobbies and studies. She is however, lonely, misunderstood and also suffering with her health. Or so we are led to believe. She is devious, cunning and actively (but subtly) prevents her children seeing each other so they don’t have any quality time to discuss anything she may have done! My problem is she is used to controlling everyone in her life but circumstances have changed, people have passed away and close family moved. As a result she is now working on ruining our relationship with our children and between my husband and I. At evey major developmental or important point in our childrens’ lives, she contradicts what we say and do and undermines our authority and our ideals. This happens with their potty training, our religious preferences, their diet, their general emotional and physical development. You can literally walk out of a room and she will do something behind your back but she is also very adept at sewing seeds of ideas in the childrens’ heads. She also thrives on emotional times or when I or my husband and children are vulnerable. As she has been working on her own children since the day they were born, there is no hope for them, but I can do something about our children so she has to be closely watched and managed. Its a nightmare. She tries to put me down infront of the children constantly and one of them actually turned against me in quite a frightening way one day while she was there and ofcourse, she didnt back me up. My child hasn’t done it again thankfully but I watched my mil slowly turning her against me beforehand. If you met my mil you would think she was an angel but she is far, far from it. I see years of constant struggle with her and trying to bring my children up to be their own people without the taint of her indoctrination. My husband knows how difficult she is and backs me up when he can see her do things or if he can see the effects in our children, but the problem is she does most when he isn’t there so it takes a long time for me to make him understand what has happened. I have said those words ‘ it is me and the kids or her’ and its a very sad fact that if she continues the way she is and he can’t see the bigger picture, it will become a reality. She will get what she wants. I hope to God I do not turn out to be a 100th of the controlling ‘person’ she is with my kids. Has anyone else been down the ‘trying to understand her route?’ I really gave that one a go but it was hopeless because she actually gets so much perverse pleasure out of causing misery it would take her reason for living away if she ever faced up to things. She has many friends on her course and a large extended family and I often wonder if they think she is the poor little suffering innocent that she claims herself to be! Deprived of frequent vists to her grandchildren and son because of her ‘controlling’ daughter in law!!