Have You Ever Heard Something This Weird??
by kintn on 07/24 @ 6:23pmI am engaged to someone who’s mother is more than annoying and I have broken up with him once before in the 4 years we’ve been together due to her. It always seems like it’s been a party of 3. She calls him every 30 minutes and looks at him with drooling eyes and touches him more than she should. She rubs his back and when his pants are loose she reaches her hand inside the top of his pants all the way around and pulls them up. He once had a spider bite on his butt which I took care of for him and she had to stop by and see it. She has family get togethers and invites him only, and has me and my kids with him over seperately. Last Christmas she sent gifts to us in advance and had him “only” over with the rest of the family for Christmas. His profession requires him to be gone out of town alot but the minute he gets here it starts all over again. About 2 weeks ago, we had just gone to bed and she called my cell phone bawling and begging to talk to him because she backed her car into her new garage door. Then had the nerve to call the installer and told him it was defective despite her padded income. Lsst weekend I had planned a trip to a theme park and water park for the family, and she called when we were getting ready to leave and demanded he come over so the trip had to be postponed till the next day. She tries to “Buy” him and gives him anything he wants. I recently helped her move against my will and she had about 4 closets full of clothes, 300 shoes and 200 purses at age 73. She also had a baby picture of him in her living room which she showed me and asked me if that just wasn’t the most precious thing I had ever seen??.. despite the fact her other son’s picture was laying right beside it. Sometimes I feel she is sick and actualy thinks my boyfriend is a reincarnation of her dead husband since they favor so much. I am on the verge of breaking it off with him again because I am at wits end. She just will not back off and mind her own business and let us “have” a relationship. This woman is part of a family of someone famous worldwide which I cannot tell who, but what it boils down to is that she has always been spoiled rotten, always had everything she’s every wanted and wants to make every one else miserable. Her only happiness is my boyfriend and her money. Despite her money she always tells him she is broke and he sends her most of his paycheck. She’s so broke that she just bought a 42 inch big screen tv and a specially designed colored laptop. She has him possessed. Please help with any advise because I really do love this man. I have known him since I was a teenager and we remet 4 years ago. I really feel he should stand up for me. My own mother went through something like this but not as drastic but the difference was that my Dad stood up for her. If his mother cannot reach him on his cell phone, then she calls mine, then my house phone, then my son’s cell phone. It’s almost like he is dating her instead of me. I know that sounds weird but it’s the truth and way I feel. If I cut her down, it just starts a fight with him. How do I stop or change this, or is breaking up the only thing to do??
Loading ...
Advice
21 Responses to “Have You Ever Heard Something This Weird??”
this sounds like my mil my husbands father passed 7 years ago and she treats him like he is her husband holds his hand calls him for everything you name it her excuse is I dont have a husband anymore so annoying . She is 76 and very jealous I cant even mention us going to disney or she says oh he’ll never fly (my husband) and she gets this angry look on her face she asked me recently if she could build an apartment onto our garage mind you she lives 30 seconds down the road my husband told her it would never work out she got all bent out of shape there is so much more to tell,but I would be here all night . I am in pretty much the same boat they are very hard to get along with thier son is everything to them even a replacement husband good luck
Run away fast–this is a black hole! She will always be a thorn in your rear. Find a better man who can get away from Mommy.
Perhaps she has some sort of mental illness??? Weird for sure.
You have two problems- one, a mother in law that does not know boundaries and two, a fiance who doesn’t see an issue with the way his mother acts. I can tell you from experience, the MIL will not change. You need the support of your fiance to help resolve these issues- he can’t run over there at her beck and call. If he is not willing to step up, you need to consider if the benefits of your relationship outway theses issues- can you really deal with this the rest of your life?
Think about how much you love him. Is he worth every phone call you receive from her? A relationship like this can wear on a person. Have you asked him to do anything about it? Would he stand up to her for you?
I have a similar situation, my advice is run!!!! If you are thinking about having a child with t his man it will get worse!!!!
Honestly, it kind of sounds like she has deep emotional issues. if shes been like this all her life then its not that but if it started when her husband died it could be that. I think she probably just feels lonely maybe you could buy her a cat?
Well, i think you should talk to your husband about it, but actually sit him down and tell him everything. Don’t get upset and just stay calm even if he gets upset. its hard i know but it helps. Tell him that you love him but the fact that family trips have to be canceled because of that isn’t very fair. If he wants to be with you then he needs to learn that your his top priority and that he has to get his mother to back off little by little. Don’t make him stop it at once, you have to take do it slowly because otherwise it will just never happen. And also she will probably get upset and do something crazy just to get him to come back running.
Hi Kim,
I had a problem like this with my ex-fiance. He is the ‘baby’ of the family and has always been treated like a small child IMO. His mother certainly has no boundaries and is on occaision super creepy,for example she told him after one too many G & T’s ‘if you werent my son I think I would really fancy you’ - ew! And is always way too huggy, kissing him on the neck etc, its really weird. When we first met she wouldnt stop going on about how alike me and her are (we so are not in any way!) and just wouldnt stop with the ‘isnt it funny how xxxx has chosen a woman just like me?’ - weird and yuck! Anyway we recently split up and the main reason wasn’t her as such but HIS inability to take control of his own life and actually behave like an adult. I’ve always thought that his mother is partly to blame, treating himlike a child when he’s a grown man. He’sliving with her now until he can afford somewhere of his own to live and she is waiting on him hand and foot, making his sandwhiches before work and even a snack in the fridge if he goes out to the pub for when he gets home. She just cannot let go and let him grow up. To be fair to my ex, he does try to stop her particularly with the snacks etc and tells her shes being a ’smother’ but she just gets upset and offended and says shes trying to help. Shes getting that way with our son too - she insists on calling him ‘the baby’ and trying to feed him at mealtimes when he’s two and a half and very much an independent little boy. My advice to you is that this woman will not change in my experience, she cannot let go of her son and is jealous of you, my exs mum is just the same, thats why she has to convince herself that he wanted to spend his life with me because I was just like her. If your fiance cannot see how innapropriate and enmeshed his realtionship with his mother is then I would say get out whilst you can, if you have children with this man you will be stuck with your MILto be doing her granny bit too! On the other hand your fiance may know that his mother is being OTT but be too afraid of hurting her feelings to say anything. Perhaps you could sit down with him and try to talk it through. One other bit of advice is dont criticise the MIL as this will give her more ammo and will put your fiance on the defensive. Im a mother to a son and I can forsee a time when it might be hard to pack him off into ‘another womans’ arms, but thats the point about being a mum - to prepare your child to take on the world on their own as an independent adult, your MIL needs to realise her son is a grown man not a baby anymore. Good luck!!!!
Oh my gosh!!! I feel like I have finally found someone who understands my situation. My soon to be MIL is very just like that. Her husband divorced her and she is always kissing him, rubbing his back, and basically treats him like her man!!! I think this is so sick- I would love to talk to you more because I need advice!!
If you really love this man the only option I see is to break up with him & read the Obituary’s. When she passes give him a call because he’s not going to leave her.
But how do you feel about being her replacement??? Ick
Truly good luck. I just cant see any up side to this salutation.
Oh dear… I am in a similar situation with a man who can’t stand up to his domineering, controlling mother. On the rare occasions that we go out for dinner, she shares his food, points out beautiful women and fiddles with his shirt collar and hair. It is clearly too much for me. So I guess your MIL is jealous of you and possibly this is why she acts in this way. I would actually feel sorry for her and believe she acts like this due to her fear of lonliness. I would try and distance yourself from the situation, try not to react to her, because believe me, that is what she wants, and try not to get into rows about her as it is very divisive for you as a couple. Hope this helps, it is advice I try to heed, but obviously it is pretty difficult to put into action in the heat of the situation
i sympathise with you. My MIL says she is broke and she is not as I know how much she has in her bank account. She “suddenly” bought a LCD, DVD and more. She is always taking money from my husband and he will always defend her. I am now thinking of leaving
I think your fiance is as much to blame as his mother. He is allowing her to treat him like that. And it all seems a little out of line, especially the touching! I do feel badly for her if she is lonely, but she should still be able to be a part of your lives without taking them over. Your fiance needs to set some boundaries for her. Moving her clothes and shoes isn’t an emergency.
UGH !! Run for the Hills !! if he really loves you he will stand up for you.Sounds like he enjoys her attentions. He needs to be a big boy and speak up on your behalf. If he can’t do that…. RUN !!!
RUN!
When you say it’s almost like he is dating her (his mother) instead of you–that is not weird at all. I think, unfortunately, this is more common that it should be. A lot of times, mothers WILL emotionally abuse/rely on their sons, and treat them as surrogate husbands. This is an issue that your husband needs to deal with… he needs to delve into the emotional trauma that surrounds his relationship with his mother, and admit that her “love” is abusive and selfish. He cannot be a good husband to you, unless he can cut the delusions that keep him at his mother’s disposal.
RUN! my MIL’s husband isnt even dead yet and she acts like that. I Love my husband and he’s defended me a couple times…but mommas boys are never easy. MIL’s can ruin relationships…i feel like im losing my mind sometimes and theres nothing i can do to fix it except wait for her to die…good luck to you! Trust me it’ll get worse once you have kids…she’ll be telling you how to raise them and then you’ll really go insane
WOW!!! Your man needs to wake up and realize that his MOMMY is being a little too affectionate…have you sat down with him and told him how you precieve his relationship with his mother? Wether he likes it or not you have to tell him the truth and if he argue with you over it then you know he is not the man for you. If he is the man for you and he feels the same way you do then he will try to work things out and maybe start giving your MIL boundaries….whatever you do DO NOT tell her what you honestly think of her…I did that and now…well…its really bad. You don’t have to live your life like this. You and your children deserve better. He may be the man of your dreams but your kids always have to come first!! Talk to him…the way he reacts will give you your answer!! Hope all goes well!!
Thanks for all the comments and advice to my post. I have come to realize that I need to RUN as fast as I can. It has been almost 5 years now that I have been with this man and I have realized that it’s not just my fiance’s mother that is messing with my head, but the two of them together that are mentally abusing me. In fact I feel that he is the one that is really sick. He seems to get a kick out of trying to make his mother hate me and likes to feel like he is in the middle of all the attention. If he really loved me he would stand up for me and would never have let our relationship come to this. He is always threatening to dump me over his mother. I just can’t deal with it anymore. He had been in town for 3 days now with him being a truck driver and 2 out of the 3 days he has been over at her house. He told me not to ever call her number again and that she hates me. I just really need to let this go and move on with my life.
Several of the women here commenting are speaking of MILs in their 70s. Yes, they’re going to get worse. Especially if they’re single/widowed/divorced they will be more clingy and possessive. And even moreso as a dementing illness overcomes them.
From the sounds of it they’re all, each of them, recognizing their frailties or indeed losing some of their short term memory and coping skills and making YOUR boyfriend or husband theirs.
It won’t get easier. They will need care.
Will it be you? That’s up to your decision. But your “man” as you call him, will always be her baby. The closer you live, and the wimpier you both are about setting appropriate boundaries the more miserable you’ll be.
Get caller ID. Get independent. Let him set aside SOME time to tend to her needs. Then set aside time for your family. Don’t live together.
Been there, done that. They always worship the one they don’t live with. Now that we sold the house we shared, and moved on..
I’m the favorite DIL. HA! Because I only visit once a month, and we call and fuss over her on her birthday, Mother’s day, special occasions, and holidays.
I did her personal care while she was bedbound and had a colostomy bag. Could she say a nice word? No. Now that we limit time with her, I’m a saint. Go figure.
It’s called Caller ID. Her name pops up, you never answer. Works for me. And this guy sounds like a mama’s boy. Run, run for the hills!