Ok let me give you a little background. I fell in love with my high school sweet heart. We are finishing up our graduate degree’s and plan to get married and purchase a house in three years. FYI-we both live with our parents because we don’t believe in living together before we are married-however my mind is slowly changing! Anyway when I first meet his mother she loved me but recently she has been so rude and hurtful towards me, it\’s like she is in competition with me for his attention…she kisses him all over his face, rubs is back…and once we went on a trip to florida and she wrapped her legs around him in the pool….every picture he took of me she wanted that same picture…recently like today I received a phone call from her and she said she feels like the devil is trying to wreck her relationship with her son!!!! I know she has always had issues with sharing her son with me but come on…i’m a devil now….she is a divorced woman who’s ex husband left her for another woman…this lady will do anything for her son once she invited all of our friends and family to a surprise birthday party for him and lead me to believe that only her and him were going out to dinner…in my opinion she does not like sharing the spot light with me…listen I know you don\’t know me but I am honestly a good person so much so that I don’t want to say anything to her because I don\’t want to get her upset but my gosh we are not even married yet…what should I do…my boyfriend talks with her about the way she is recently acting and everything he says that she doesn\’t like she starts crying like a baby but yet she can call me a devil….what do I do? should I confront her once and for all? I’m a little nervous but I\’m tired of putting up with her crazy ways and all of her crap!!!
This post was submitted by helpme07.
Loading ...
9:36 pm
it will only get worse. He isa taking up for you now, but when he has you he now remembers she is his mother. Resolve this before the marriage. She must feel that the ti,e for him to move out is getting close.
6:49 am
Wow. The best and only thing you can do is tell your boyfriend how you feel and have him lay down the law. And be very clear in letting him know that you can’t get yourself further into a relationship if you’re going to have to deal with her.
Don’t think that just putting up with her will work. Trust me, it won’t.
Good luck!
3:50 pm
I agree with Nicole from personal experience! Putting up with it will only make it worse in the long run. I’ve tried that technique for over 3 years now and am finally at my breaking point. Thankfully, my husband doesn’t agree with anything his mother or sisters say and sticks up for me, unfortunately this has led to his family not speaking to him. Things were pretty good between his mother and I until we got engaged, and thats when everything went crazy. We’ve now been married over 2 years and things are awful. Now I am the worst thing that ever happened to him. She has several choice words/names for me, but I’ll leave that up to your imagination. I think his mom knows you two will be moving on with your lives and she can’t handle not being the main woman in his life.
1:20 am
DOn’t “put-up-with-it” it will get worse. I did for 3 years prior to my marriage and she took Full advantage of it. Bad idea on my part./ You need to speak up and be firm and you BF needs to give you 100% support. If he can’t support you than it’s not going to work out for you .There will always be constant friction because of her attutude,and you’ll need your BF on your side
9:12 am
Do not put up with her bs. If you let things slide it’ll only get worse. She sounds pretty morbid so be prepared for more crying-just be sure to confront her in front of your hubby.
9:52 pm
Hi I am married 8 years and my MIL is a replica of this woman you are talking about.
These people have an insecurity. They fear that they will loose their son, the “spot light”, the attention etc so to her you will never be a DIL - you will always only be “the woman that stole her son away from her”.
And yes it gets worse and worse and then when some day you have a child- it will be unbearable.
She will then suddenly want to mother your child because to her that is her son’s child- not yours!!!!
These people are crazy, but they are very smart and menipulative. Think about it - she has raised your boyfriend- so she knows exactly how to control and menipulate him and how to always “win” this fight against you. She knows how to “play” him.
My MIL will do anything- she will weep, cry, become depressed, give him the ’silent treatment’- ANYTHING to make sure he does not infact give attention to me.
Infact now she comes to visit my son (18 months) and sends out a vibe like the movie “hand that rocks the cradle”!!!!
Like she wishes this were HER son and that she wishes she could replace me!! She acts like SHE is the baby’s mom! She acts like this a family of 3- her, my hubby and my son!!!!!!!!!
These people do not change.
Either have an OPEN discussion about your feelings with your MIL so that you will know way ahead of time if she is willing to back off or not OR move on and find someone else.
She can make your life hell on an everyday basis and its really not worth it.
Good Luck!
10:16 pm
The firm boundaries have to be identified and maintained on two fronts.
You with your boyfriend.
Him with his mother.
Otherwise you’ll be posting on here after suffering for years.
Why lose your life to her?
Why not insist that life be separate and unencumbered now. Quietly speak with your boyfriend about what you’re both comfortable with, and maintain those as your “family” rules.
If he can’t maintain them now… it will be much worse when you’re married. You’re right, don’t live together before marriage. It won’t improve a thing and it will raise your risk for divorce.
8:33 pm
Your story reminded me so much of me, once upon a time. I had a boyfriend whose mother loved me during the first year I went out with her son…that is, until her husband (my b/f’s dad) of 25 years left her. Almost overnight, I became “the other woman”. Just to make matters worse, he lived at home while he was going to school and was SUCH a momma’s boy. Although you don’t say this, I found it especially hard to be “just the girlfriend” and not “the wife”. I felt as if I did not have standing to stand up to her when she made her backhanded compliments and nasty remarks. She was so sly, too!!! She would only be rude to me when my b/f was not in the room. When he was, she would make these fake “helpful suggestions” in a sweet as pie voice while her eyes looked like hard glints of steel. At least once a week we had the same conversation where she would suggest I take up running to stay in better shape and I would then tell her (for the dozenth time) that I don’t like to run and prefer to work out in other ways. She would complain all the time about all the work she did, but would not allow anyone to help her. For example, when Thanksgiving was coming up, I offered to bring the desserts. I offered over a month before the holiday, but she hurriedly brushed off my suggestion and said, “No, no, I have already purchased everything.” Yet, I still had to spend the next month listening to her complain about all the cooking she had to do for Thanksgiving. I searched high and low for a bottle of Riesling to bring because my b/f said it was her favorite type of wine. On Thanksgiving, she takes the bottle, sneers at it, and says in an annoyed tone, “I don’t like that wine, I like this one,” and gestures to one of those cheap white zinfandel BOXES of wine. I kid you not. My b/f’s birthday is on New Year’s Eve and his mother always throws a big party for him. One year, I had been so busy running around to help with the party that I did not have time to iron my dress before I needed to be at their house. Once I got there, I politely asked her if I could use her iron for my dress. She snapped at me, “No! I don’t have time for this right now.” I am not generally a sensitive person, but I almost started crying because I could not believe how rude she had been to me over nothing. My b/f saw me and asked what was wrong. It told him nothing and continued walking into his bedroom to change into my wrinkled dress. He followed me and said, “No really, something is wrong, please tell me.” It was the one and only time during our 2-year relationship that I ever told him about something his mother had said/done to me. Short story, long, lol. He went to get the iron for me and must have said something to his mother because she came up to me later and apologized, albeit VERY grudgingly. Okay, last thing, lol. One other thing she used to always do was GUSH over my b/f’s last girlfriend. How much she missed her, what a wonderful person she was, etc. What I could never understand was HOW she could like this other woman, who was an alcoholic cocktail waitress that had kept my b/f on a tight leash (all his words, not mine) over me…a college educated, professional who never had a problem with him spending time with his mom and/or friends. It wasn’t until an unexpected casual conversation I had with a mutual friend AFTER my relationship with b/f disintegrated that I got my answer. His mom had HATED that girl! LOL. My mouth dropped open. She had just been trying to make me jealous and hurt my feelings the WHOLE TIME. At any rate, that relationship is long gone (some of the breakup, no doubt, due to her). I wish I had some better advice/suggestions for you. In my case, it was the breakup that ended my pain! Although I was upset about the breakup at the time, I can now look back on it more unbiased and realize how much more unpleasant my life would have been if I had married that witch’s son. Lol, he was really no prize himself anyway, but that is a different forum! I am SO grateful and lucky to be out of that relationship on so many levels. Another perfect example of “one of God’s greatest gifts is unanswered prayers!”