She has 4 kids. 28, 25, 23, 21. 3 boys and 1 girl. She is an HEIRESS!!!!!!!!!! My fiancé’s siblings are very selfish, self important, and apathetic people. On to mommy dearest. She had her first child with an abusive partner. Then she left him, and married my future FIL while pregnant with the abusive man’s second child. She drank, smoked and did cocaine during pregnancy with all 4 kids. After the last child was born she started stepping out on FFIL, while he was watching the kids (men would show up at their house to take her out). She then divorced him and hired help. Well, the help fell in love with FFIL, so now she is my FSMIL, and she is amazing. She is kind and open. She rocks!!! Mother was sober for a while, and had strings of BF’s. Then while fiancé was in high school (junior year) she had sex with the 17 year old neighbor boy at a house party, she was 45 at the time. She had been drinking heavily at this point for a few years, and has now been sober for 3, with help from “the Lord” (barf). While drinking she made a few attempts to have sex with my fiancé, her son!!!!

Fiancé had a few gf’s before me, nothing serious. Enter me. I work full time and am a single mother. I move around a lot, cos ex-hubby screwed my credit pretty bad (on porn sites!!! Thanks dude!) so it’s really hard to find a good place with bad credit. My daughter and I are currently staying at the house, oh and I pay rent. I pay rent, to stay in his room. She won’t even let us rent her empty guest house.

We had been planning on getting married secretly so that we could start getting things together for ourselves, like getting my hubby to be set up with school grants and whatnot. Well the sib’s found out from our 1 friend that we invited to the ceremony, and they proceed to tell her. FML. So we had a long talk about how I am so vindictive and mean. She has no recollection of telling her son that I am trash (even though we recorded it! Yay iPhone!) and that I am a dirty hippy. Basically I just want to paint her house with poo, I know it’s immature, but well, I grew up on Simpsons and Ren and Stimpy.

any advice ladies on deal with such a wretched bitch?

Thanks for the vent,
imtotallycereal

The background for the story starts 3 years ago at Christmas time. My husbands family was invited to my husbands brothers house for Christmas dinner. His brothers wife’s family was also invited. My family was not. We asked if they could be invited and after much trouble…they were. It was an awesome Christmas – all 3 families were together! We did it again the next year…again with a little trouble (my family was left out again)..but it was great!

This year my husbands mother called having Christmas at her house in September. I would love to host Christmas but she called it very early. We just found out this week that she is inviting me and my husband, her other son and his wife and his wife’s family for Christmas dinner and my family is invited for dessert. This upset me as it seems to me that my family is always left out. When we expressed these feelings to her she flipped out. She has serious back problems and keeps repeating that she is just not up for all those people. However if she is already having so many I don’t see how 3 more people is any more work. I called to try to be open and honest with her and she abusively personally attacked me for 20 minutes straight.It was the most raw angry mean thing I have ever heard. She wouldn’t let me get a word out or express myself at all. I stayed calm and did not once retaliate or insult her. She feels I don’t call enough and I have to work on relationships and if you don’t work at things everything can not just be perfect on a holiday. My husbands brothers wife’s family are the kind of people who always send cards and are always in touch – my family is just not that way…so it’s something I have to learn. My father and my husbands father are extremely close they get together and play in a band together on a weekly basis – so there is communication between the families.

Now she is playing the victim. My husband tried to call her the other day to just say “I’m sorry we disagree but we have to move on” but she just yelled and screamed and cried at him as well. She is seriously acting like a crazy person. She absolutly refuses to consider anyone else’s feelings or thoughts. She thinks she is completely right – end of story. I have accepted that I will never get an apology for the way she acted and that she will always think she is right no matter what. At this point I just want to move on but I don’t know what to do. How can I create peace again? It will never be the same but I am willing to work at it. Christmas is in less than a week and I just don’t know what to do…

HELP!

Everything went downhill from there. Because we couldn’t be together at DH’s house, he came to my house to see me, and his parents took exception to this. His mum rang him to order him to come home every time he was with me, and started coming round to my house, and told my mum that she didn’t want DH spending time with me, and that if he didn’t live by her rules, he’d have to find somewhere else to live.

One evening, DH had agreed with his dad that he could go to his best friend’s birthday, and when he was leaving his mum told him he wasn’t allowed to anymore. His dad then denied ever agreeing to it, and they both shouted at him, until he was in tears, and then he tried to leave, and his mum told his dad to punch him to the floor to stop him. He managed to run out, and to cut a long story short, ended up staying at my house, while my mum arranged mediation sessions for him and his parents. After 1 session, he went back, and they told him he had brought shame to the family. This set the tone for the next weeks and DH felt like he wasn’t part of the family anymore. A month later, his mum threw him out because he had ‘crossed the line, and wasn’t welcome anymore’ (he had come round to my house), she chucked his clothes out, and took his keys back. She then wrote several letters to him, telling him that I was manipulating him and it was his own fault that she had thrown him out, as he had ‘treated his parents like doormats’. At this point, DH realized that for some reason his mum was determined on getting me out of his life, and she had thrown him out, so that he would have to beg her to take him back, and then he would have to live at home on her terms (eg: obeying her – never seeing me again, and basically losing all say in his life).
After she threw him out, she told her family and DH’s friends that he’d “abandoned his family” to be with me. Also that I emotionally blackmailed him to “prove his love” for me by leaving his family. She left a disgusting message on DH’s phone, and he decided after a particularly unpleasant letter from her, that he wanted nothing more to do with her.

The past 2 years have been quite unpleasant. His mum (always drunk) started coming to our house at midnight every couple of weeks, and holding our doorbell down for hours, thumping out football chant-rhythms on the windows and glass door, and shouting insults at us (we were inside shaking and crying). She always stayed for about 3 hours, even when the police got there! She made up stories about why I’m a ‘dirty whore’ who is ‘abusing her son’ and shouted them (it was odd to hear the detailed stories she came out with: she really seemed to believe her lies.) The police FINALLY put a stop to her coming round, so then she waited for us out of our work (she was blind drunk, and tried to grab me and then ran after us screaming), and rang me several times demanding to know why I didn’t like her, and telling me that DH would go back to her soon. She kept going to the shop where DH worked, and harassing him while he was working, so the manager banned her from the shop.

One particularly bad time was once at about 1am, I was asleep and my mobile rang. It was DH’s mum (very drunk), and she kept asking ‘is that C? is that C?’, when she was satisfied that it was me, she gave the phone to her husband. He proceeded to tell me that they’d decided DH has autism, and that a psychiatrist and doctor were desperate to see him. He said that they would be coming to take DH away for ‘immediate examination’ 1st thing in the morning. He then said the psychiatrist would also be taking me and my mum away for examination as we were ‘clearly not right in the head’. He then said that DH had stolen things from him and the police were coming round to arrest DH. (in hindsight, it sounds ridiculous, but it was 1am, and we were messed up by the harassment, and also you know that part of you which always thinks what adults say must be right?). I somehow managed to stay calm, and after I hung up I sat with DH and mum holding my hands, and was shaking and crying. I was terrified DH was gonna be taken away. I’ll never forget that night.

All through this, we’d got letters from his mum, telling him he should be ashamed for abandoning his family. She always denied that she’d done anything wrong, and told family that it was our fault. She never once said ‘sorry’ and all her letters were written as though she was the victim: she seemed to think that she’s the one who’d been ill-treated.
We have now moved far away, and got married. Those 2 yrs had a big affect on us mentally.

Anyway, this Christmas I sent cards to all of DH’ family, and also presents, as I’ve finally managed to move on, and have forgiven them, and believe that treating people with kindness is the right thing (and it was only his parents who hurt us: the rest of his family don’t know the truth). Whatever they did, they are still family, and I know that they are also hurting a lot because of their actions. DH’ mother R then contacted me through DH’ cousin who still knows my facebook account. She said she was grateful for the presents, and could she have my email address. I made a new email address to use for her, and I’ve just got the 1st email from her. She seems very genuine, and said that she ‘appreciates and reciprocates my sentiments’ [In the card I sent I said “we have seen each others’ worst sides, and I hope that in the future we will get to see the best in each other. I’m truly sorry for any pain I’ve caused to you and your loved ones.”] and was lovely about the wedding photos I sent her.

I just wondered if anyone could give me advice on how to handle this: I’m not expecting miracles, but I hate to leave it with such a messy end. I’d like to make it so that when we bump into each other in the street there’s no unpleasantness, and open it up for the possibility of a reconciliation in the future if they ever regret their actions. I’ve sent a reply, and it was friendly and chatty: I thought I’d sort of “reward” her kindness and the fact that she’s being polite and a bit more, with me being friendly and giving her a little insight into our life, so she feels that I do want her in our lives [like show her that her being kind and respectful = her being part of our life].

So it’s my partner’s birthday and we head out to dinner with his mother and his brother. I begrudgingly agreed to spend lunchtime with them (we can’t escape for a whole day!!!) and then before I know it it’s 10pm and my entire day has been used up on the whole clan!!!! Here’s a rundown of her more-than-slightly-crazy behavior:

- We get to the restaurant and it’s busy but we have booked a table. I take a seat next to my partner and his brother takes a seat opposite me. SHE (you know who I mean!!!) tries to makes us all change places because she wants to sit next to YOU-KNOW-WHO (her darling, precious sonny-boy). He is clearly the fave out of him and his brother so she demands to sit next to him. I say I am happy where I am – I am not moving for her…so she sits opposite him and then complains the whole time that we are there that she doesn’t have enough room where she is – TOUCH LUCK MISSY!!

- She grabs the menu and announces what she’s having and thrusts the menu at my partner (who’s birthday it is remember!) and says she wants this, this and this. So, I guess he’s the one who’s ordering then!! Then his brother pipes up with his order and they throw in a large drinks order too. Helpful. So my partner gets up to go order the food/drinks and I say I’m going to help him so he doesn’t have to struggle back with drinks. She shot me such a look it was like she was throwing daggers at me!!

- All through our meal she complained about her “health problems” and how she’s under pressure (she’s been retired for a long time now) and can’t cope with changes (what changes?!)

- When we change the subject to something more lighthearted as we are at a birthday party not a wake, she decides she’s not getting enough attention and pretends to hyperventilate!!!!! When my partner asks if she is okay she perks up as she got the attention she wanted.

- We go shopping as I have errands to run (I can’t just entertain them for the entire day, can I?) and she pretends to faint and my partner has to stop her from pretend-falling and pretend-hurting-herself!!! God forbid that happen. When he asked her what was wrong she just said she’d forgotten to buy some vegetables from a shop we had been in previously. Hardly any reason to faint is it? FAKING IT!!!!

- In his birthday card she basically congratulated HERSELF on raising him to be the man he is today and that one day he’ll get everything he deserves and he just has to “stick it out” for now. OH SORRY! Is living with me and me supporting his freelance work not enough???? She has NEVER thanked me for the fact that I fund the entire freakin’ enterprise!!!! Oh no, she only congratulates herself on raising him. Urgh! And besides, it was his birthday card and she didn’t even wish him happy birthday…she just referred to him as, and I quote, To MY clever man”…wtf?

So my question is, how do I deal with this seemingly new tactic of vying for attention by pretending to be ill? I personally think that’s sick – my partner and his brother were worried all day as she kept acting up, and only me, the future DIL could see right through it. Why is it that sons are so blinkard to their mothers’ tricks? I just wanted to say, “Oh for God’s sake stop being such an attention-seeker!” but then of course I am the evil one who is being mean to poor mommy.

So what can I do? We are already in talks about spending Christmas Day there (the initial plan for for us to go to our parents’ houses in the day and then spend the evening alone together) but that is changing already. Does anyone else have the problem of a MIL pretending to be ill to get attention? Please help.

I told my family and they are shocked. My aunt, who is a former police woman, is adamant that I get a restraining order against her. So does my Grandmother and Mother. My family and friends know who I am. I even sent that stupid woman a designer Christmas card a week before the threat. Well, I hope she is happy because now my husband and I are splitting. He is too addicted to her. He says that I don’t see what this is putting him through. We have fought ever since I posted my original question in October. Life just feels like hell. Am I asking too much of him? Not to call his Mom for a few days is something he can’t even do, even though she threatened me. It’s just too bloody much! I moved here and left my life in NYC for him and he can’t even be here for me. It feels like something put a knife through my heart. Someone please help me out here.

He treats me like an angel and is rarely home, which makes her jealous because he always wants to be with me, rather than her. On top of that, the summer before our senior year, she kicked him out. Not by any fault of his own, but because she was angry and told him not to come back. So he didn’t. My step dad took him in and he lived with me for 8 weeks during the toughest time of his life. They took everything from him, so I did my best to take care of him, but I feel like she holds a grudge against me for this. She still sees me as the girl that took her son away from her, because he chose me over her.

Our relationship is starting to patch up. She bought me a Christmas gift, which my boyfriend says is a first. I know she’s trying a little, but I can’t help but feel like she’s still looking down at me with contempt whenever I come to visit. It doesn’t seem to matter how nice I am to her or how polite, because as long as her son is serious about me, I don’t think she could ever truly like me.

How do I prove to her that I’m perfect for her son and the best thing for him? What do I do to make her like me, or want me around and as a part of the family? I feel like I always do something wrong, and that his parents don’t think that I like them, but I’m so new to this I don’t know how to act! I feel like she hates me, and I would do anything to change that.