Mother-in-law Hell

I need and honest opinion-MIL asking for advice

Phyllis — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 16:15:17 +0000

Ok daughter in-laws I want and honest opinion. Am I the mother in-law from hell The first time I met my daughter in-law I told her that I knew she was going to marry my son, ( it was just one of those gut retching feelings what I didn’t tell her was that I also had a gut feeling that she would be trouble down the road). I honestly have tried to suppress those feelings because I wanted a loving family relationship- when my son married. My son is 33 and his wife of two weeks is 30. For Many years I have told my son please do not get married with out living with some one first. Well he took that advise. He lived with for a little over a year, he took her in to live with him after less then two weeks of knowing each other because her room mates couldn’t make the rent and she couldn’t do it on her own, so she had no place to go. When his lease ran out she said she was going to buy a house with or without him. He never before had wanted a house he didn’t want to be bothered with the maintenence.
You got it they bought a house together, guess who they called for the 5% down payment, you got it I sent them a little over $8,000 along with a letter to the bank saying it was a gift, with no thank-you from her.
When my son called last fall to tell me that they had decided to get married I offend him a diamond ring to give to her with a value of between $2500 and $3000. She knew it came from me but not once did she say a thing about it. I really wanted her to feel like I wanted her to be the daughter that I never had. Last spring I asked her to take a 2-3 day trip with me just so we could get to know each other better. She informed me that she didn’t think so because she had to work (she is a school teacher with her summers off but tends bar three to four days or nights a week)and to much to do to plan the wedding I offered to help, her response was no I have it under control.She is a school teacher with her summers off but tends bar three to four days or nights a week.
It has been hard but since he was 19 I have told him he was an adult and he wanted to live own his on then he was an adult and had to take on the responsibilities of an adult. He has an extremely high IQ but didn’t want to go back to college after the first year. My husband of 20 years and I have not lived in the same state as my son for 8 of the last 13 years. However we have always travel to see him at least twice a year or more and some times we paid for his flight so he could be with us for Christmas. Since he has got engaged we have been to see them four times including the time we took the diamond to him. Of those four not once was she home to greet us when we arrived and twice when we left she never got out of bed to say good-bye to us and once we left her a note to say we would be back by 11:20 to say good bye so we could let her sleep. When we got home she was gone and later found out that she had decided to go to a movie with a friend.
For there wedding present I told them that I would landscape there front yard for them, what they had was either dead or over grown, because the ground was so hard I had to hire some one to come in with equipment to dig out the from yard and bring new soil in. Once the new soil was in I did the rest of the work by myself. On one occasion as she was leaving the house she said looks nice I’ll be gone just a little while have to go to Wall Mart. She came back three hours latter and said nothing else about the work done just walked into the house.That was the closest I came to a thank-you for the work I did form her.
Up until the time she got my diamond on her finger I really tried to accept this girl. I told her how much I was looking forward to gaining a daughter and I meant it. I have since found out that she told her friends that I said it and laugh about saying she I didn’t mean it.

OK here are the question am I old school at 55? And do manners not count for anything anymore? Do I sound like a mother-in-law from Hell that has not tried.

Before I found this web site I e-mailed my son and told him that I loved him enough to let him go. I fear that if I don’t stay out of their lives she is going to destroy the love he has for me.I found this article on the web and it hit every fear I have so I sent it to him. No I don’t believe that she is the daughter in law from Hell nor do I believe she is a twit but I do believe she dislikes me and will try to turn my son against me.

This post was submitted by Phyllis.

Hate from the start-from a Son-in-law

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 16:11:20 +0000

Step Father in Law, I couldn’t stand his temper and his abusive attitude. He didn’t like me from the start, until now I still don’t know why and what the hell is his problem. I noticed it, it’s all about pretended to be nice to me in front everybody.

I never thought he could carry on this long. You know whenever I had a problem with him; he sure has a lot of experienced about vengeance. He managed to get his way no matter what.
I couldn’t believe how stupid I was, to even consider one day that this old man might have some kind a change of heart. All those talked and family meetings none of those seem to matter. For all he knows right now is doing whatever benefits him.

You know at this point, from my experienced with this old man I think he’s still an abusive and controlling person mentally. What is really hard to believe about this old man were all the stories my wife told me of how he abused her most of her life until she ran away to stay with her friend. I mean the old guy even tried to molest her when she’s 15 yrs old. My wife hated the way he talked her in public and how he favor his son in front of her. She witnessed years of abused his wife and cheated on her. What really hurt and pissed me of that witnessed my wife in tears and fears of this old man.

Mother in law is a Bipolar Disorder II, it’s a headache tried to understand that woman. One day she nice the next day she had a lot shit to say. The worst part was witnessed my wife cried because of her them mood swings.

I don’t see what’s the big deal with her and my daughters right now. I always thought she has no time for them, all I heard she so busy remodel her house. Most of the times my daughters told me when they over there that all they did were watch TV while she naps on the couch or helped her husband works out side the house.

I’m so sick of her whining of how she bench her back for my wife and my girls and how she watch the girls for us and how she helped my wife and be there for her”.
Brother in law, boy where do I start with this guy? He’s definitely a weird one in the family. For years I’ve been put up with this guy bad mouth about me.

I mean this dude he talked like he knew all about family life and lecture my wife about astuteness. Which is doesn’t seem to make sense to me after I gazed at his life. Because what seeing right now is a weirdo who always high on drug whenever he’s around my family, a guy who has a history of raped his stepsister, a guy who couldn’t see his kids for years and his daughter tried to commit suicide, and especially a jealous rage dude who got a big fight with his parents then tried to sue his own father because he thought that his dad favored me instead of him.

What really pissed me of that when we had problem with his parents. He just somehow butts in like he knew everything about our problems and pointed out about family dishonor shit toward us. Especially to me, I got so anxious about his hate comments to me on my wife blog. I never get a chance to respond to his comments because my wife scared and blocked the blog. The worst part was witnessed my wife in tears the whole thing.

Right now I don’t talk to them and my wife kind a ignore them too. But I know that as long I’m still married I will deal with them in the future. I don’t want to deal with them in the future and I sure don’t want to divorce my wife because of them. What to do?

This post was submitted by sabinh.

MIL - An absolute DISGRACE on my wedding day!

sarahgreen — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 16:09:18 +0000

I got married 1 month ago. It cost me a fortune and I put a hell of a lot of work into it. Everything went well in the morning. Had loads of fun getting ready and our wedding ceremony was beautiful. Unfortunately it went downhill from there.

MIL was a complete nightmare all day. She didn’t even say hello to me or wish me well all day. She walked off when we were having our big group photo taken. She had a big miserable face on during the family shots. During the wedding breakfast she didn’t eat a thing but got completely drunk. She didn’t stay at the top table for more that 5 minutes but was getting up to go to the loo and walking over to another table which had some of her other family on. The time she did sit at the top table she spent on her mobile phone even though we had specifically asked for phones tp be tuned off during the meal. She followed me out to the toilet and stood outside shouting to her other daughter in law (on the phone) how great she was and how much she was her favourite daughter in law.

I bought my wedding dress from the first shop I went in to. It wasn’t a big occasion, I just ha my Mum with me…. MIL shouted over on the top table during the wedding breakfast to Hubby how his brothers fiance had invited her to go wedding dress shopping with her.

During the speeches she sat with a grumpy grumpy face on with her head in her hands making a big show of how bored she was. Then HUbby stated his speech. She got up and walked to the toilet, missing the majority of his speech. Then she was the only one who didn’t stand up and clap as we exited the room.

Then the evening do started. By this time she still had not said anything noce to me all day. She was completely drunk and looked a complete state on the dancefloor. She went round trying to dirty dance with all the blokes including my dad and uncles who were shocked and pulled away.

I have since heard that she was asking people outside towards the end of the evening for “wacky baccy”. And my dad said he saw her outside smoking with one of her daughters and sons and she shouted over to my dad did he want a smoke. When my dad said no she said is wasn’t tobacco but waccy baccy.

She was rude to my mum all day too. On numerous occaions my mum said hello and tried to say goodbye at the end of the eveing and she just got blanked.

I’m so angry about the whole thing. She has since apologiseed to hubby who went to see her after our honeymoon for an explanation of her actions. He had a go at her but said he just wants to move on so will continue to be civil to her. I haven’t spoken to her. She has asked me to forgive her via text and said that she had felt left out of the weding plans ! So I guess I am to blame for the whole thing!!

I don’t like remembering my own wedding now. I can’t wantch my wedding DVD and I’m not looking forwaard to seeing the professional photos. I’m really upset and just wish we had gone off to the Maldives or something and had nice preivate wedding

I kept having flashbacks during the honeymoon and am now desperately just trying to forget everything. Being back at work helps. I just cannot believe how rude she was. I had a feeling she didn’t like me much but she has always been civil every time we’ve met and she has never been nasty to my face.

This post was submitted by sarahgreen.

3 years of stress part “2″

flmotherof2 — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 16:08:22 +0000

Well over the last few months he has stopped the divorce an we have been working on things alot. I have been doing so much talking in the last few months. I have been asking him many of questions an trying to find a way to get through all of this with the MIL. I think I have tried hard to get along with her.

I wrote a letter to the in-laws to say I’m sorry for my part in the fighting an the mess. I have been waiting but no response as of yet an its been about 5 months. I don’t think I should hold my breath for anything back. I really wish things were different due to the fact I have there first an only grandchild an she needs to know that side of her family. An as long as this all keeps going on I don’t feel that can happen.

They want to see my Lil one but want me to stay home. Well, I live in Fla an they are in Alabama an its about an 8 hour drive. She is only 2 an I don’t feel that she should be in the truck that long an be without me to go. I feel that they need to put things aside to see her. Why should I always bend for them. Why cant they come here to see her at all. They have never been to a Birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas anything.Yet I’m wrong cause I “keep” her from them. No I think I have tried my best an gotten nothing in return.

My mom keeps telling me not to give up an be the bigger person but, at what cost to myself do I keep trying. I print out pictures every few weeks an send they with my husband for them and they don’t even seems to be thankful. I send his other family members pictures over the Internet every month an nothing. I am so tired of trying over an over an getting more from the wall in my home ….

Well I guess things are going to be harder now cause right around the corner is Thanksgiving an then X-mas. An I wonder if I again should travel there so our daughter can see them an get to know them too. I could go an stay in a Motel I guess..Grrr I’m doing it again letting them more her drive me crazy… LOL well gotta go for now Lil one is up from nap… Have a great Halloween an weekend. Hubby due home tonight so gotta send as much time with him as I can hope to get to know some of you an I will be back Monday.

This post was submitted by flmotherof2.

Divorced MIL

mama — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 16:05:16 +0000

My mil got divorced a few months ago, her marriage has not been good in years. She calls my husband to cry about how no one loves her and how alone she is. When I am around her she cannot even look at me, but has told me several times that I took her son from her. She wants my husband to leave me and wants her daughter to also get a divorce so “they can all be a family again”. My sister-in-law sees thru this but my husband has became very angry and depressed because his mommy needs him and he does not know how to help her. Yes, he still calls her mommy. she makes smart a** comments when we make plans and then she wants him for something last minute and he tells her no. After she doesn’t get her way she won’t talk to him for a week. He blames me, she blames me. my husband and I fight because I am so tired of her. My husband is 27 I think it is time for him to stop trying to please his mother and start trying to please his wife before I leave him. I know that when his mom gets over getting divorced (for the third time) she will ease up but i don’t know if I can stay that long.

This post was submitted by mama.

MIL is having a party and invited people to attack me

sara — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 15:54:31 +0000

MIL has is having a party for my SIL. She intentionally invited people who have have called me on my cell phone, at my house, and sent me nasty e-mails when I did not agree with my MIL. A few of them are not even friends of my MIL but friends of her other daughter who is very evil. Her daughter is very self center and selfish. As a matter of fact the enitre off spring of my MIL are all about me,myself, and I. I was not planning on going but my husband does not want his mother to look bad in front of the relatives if I do not attend. I just do not feel I need to be put in such a hostile enviroment. Please help.

This post was submitted by sara.

The most evil thing I have ever known!!!

Priyanka — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 20:28:23 +0000

My MIL didn’t like me from the very beginning.In India, it is very common thing to have idiotic MILs but I am not a typical DIL type who would silently suffer in pain all life.I am married for 4.5 yrs now and have filed divorce 8 months back.My husband is a very simple , nice guy but has no voice of his own.He would remain silent every time his mother abused me.My MIL thinks she has a right to everyone’s business and definitely thinks she knows the best.She has been interfering in our personal life all these years.We were initially with them for a few months after marriage and then moved to another place.But that did not resolve my issues.My husband was completely brainwashed by his mother.He spent all his leisure time with her.He never showed any interest in me or our home.I finally took a stand and decided to move out of this.Meanwhile my husband got a job in the UK.Many of my friends suggested that if I accompany him, our life would be better as his parents will not have as much control as before because they will remain in India.However, I thought for long and realized that it is not a matter of going different places, it is about difference of opinion.My husband till date has no guts to tell his parents that he is fond of me and would like to be with me.He is scared he will offend them.Therefore I have decided to move on.Life may be very difficult for a divorced women in India but its worth taking a chance than to suffer a life of humiliation in silence.

This post was submitted by Priyanka.

How do you handle inlaws that despise you–

I\'ve had enough — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 20:22:51 +0000

degrade you, try to control you, but still want you to visit with them? After nearly 15 years of being perpetually slandered, discussed, interrogated, screamed at, and “strongly advised,” a final straw put me over the edge. Now instead of insulting me to my face or behind my back, the negative comments were spewed at my children as my inlaws told one my kids how they “felt about me,” and insisted that the child inform me. I was livid. This is too much. I confronted the inlaw and was told I was making a mountain out of a molehill.

My problem is my husband took a new job in the city where his parents live nearly a year ago. He moved in with them because with our mortgage, we could not afford the expense of rent. Now the MIL is cooking for him, doing his laundry, ironing his clothes, packing his lunch, and even cleaning the wax out of his ears. That is even fine with me. If she wants to do it -more power to her. My problem is the longer he stays there, the more he begins to sound like his parents. On a few occasions I’ve caught them eavesdropping on our phone conversations. Now they are furious because I don’t want to go to their house anymore. I don’t hinder them from seeing the kids, I just don’t want to be around them at all.

They started calling my parents, having other family members call my parents and me trying to make me join in on their family celebrations. I can’t for the life of me figure out why they want me to come over -knowing how much they dislike me. My husband says I need to just forgive them and honor them, but I want some peace. If it were a one time problem, I would feel differently, but after 14 years, I’ve had enough. What should I do?

P.S. They have treated my sister in law the same way, and she hasn’t spoken to them for years. Clearly the problem is not just me.

This post was submitted by I\'ve had enough.

MIL trying to sabatoge wedding

stacymarieb — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 19:06:34 +0000

We have lived with MIL for almost 2 years. Everything was fine and great until it all started about 6 months ago. MIL and I were actually close at one point and I talked to her about everything. Slowly but surely she stopped speaking to me. I see her a lot and she doesnt speak. Anyway she started acting mean and hateful towards me. I was sick in bed for 2 weeks and she never cared to ask what was wrong with me or if I was alright. I even had to go to the ER. My mom works with her and they have been on good terms for about 20 years, friends you could say. Momma walked in on her and heard her talking bad about me and my fiance. She even walked in on her recently and overheard her making fun of her. Mother confronted her and now MIL wont speak to her either. When we got engaged my fiance told her about it and she never replied. Never asked a question about it or wanted to see the ring. Then she didnt speak to us for a month. My fiance would say I love you momma, he would say it 10 times and she would say ok finally. The thing that I am very upset about is went up and told her we had set a date. She never said a work, fiance said well dont you wanna know when? Still no reply, so he shouted its dec 13 of this year. Still nothing, he yelled again and said well cant you say congratulations or that we are stupid or anything. MIL says I dont have anything to say. Then she finally said THATS NOT GOOD, THATS JUST NOT GOOD! She said it in the evilest tone ever. Now she isnt speaking to me again, shes speaking to him now though. Im about to blow up and tell her off, its too hard to hold this in. Whenever we leave she comes in our bedroom and snoops around, I know because things have been moved. One day I acted like I was leaving and came back and caught her doing it. She has even gone so far as of getting nosey into my bills. Shes always saying everything that we do is wrong. I am ready to knock her out. What would you guys do, anyone ever had this issue ? We dont have the money to move out yet. I joined the Navy and she tried her best to get me to sign on active duty for weeks so that I wouldnt come back home Im sure. Help!

This post was submitted by stacymarieb.

Why Do I Feel This Way???

Jennifer — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 14:01:35 +0000

My husband and I have been married for 5 years. I (J) am 30 years old and he (G) is 25 years old. This is my 2nd marriage and his 1st marriage. I have a child by my first husband who is 12 years old (P) and I also have a child with my current husband who is 5 years old (R). G and I have a great life together but I’m sick and tired of dealing with his family. His mother divorced his dad when he was 5 years old. He and his dad hasn’t had a relationship until I came into the picture because of the lies his mother has told him. He was on a road to no-where and since he and I have met, so many people have told me how I turned him around. Since he and I have been together, he tells me things his mom did to him growing up (like kicking him out of the house at 15 - making him live in his truck, not feeding him, didn’t take care of him, hitting him etc.) He has told me stories about him having to find dirt roads to park his truck at night to sleep, eating 1 small snack a day, taking baths at truck stops or waiting up until they went to work and then took a shower at their house. I have tried to have a relationship when her but it is impossible. She has tried everything to hurt me and my kids. She would buy for my younger son and nothing for my older one. My son would ask questions about why she did this. My older son’s grandmother who is my ex-husbands mother died because of cancer. The only other grandmother he has is my mother. She would treat him different than my younger son and it ate at my heart because I was sick and tired of her doing this. Finally, G saw this happening and completely let her have it. He told her that they were both his children and if she did for one she would have to do for the other and if she didn’t then he didn’t want anything to do with her. Well, lets just say we didn’t communicate with them for months. She then called crying to him telling him how sorry she was, and some how eased her way back in causing more hell!!! She doesn’t have anything to do with our kids. She may see them 4 times a year (she lives 5 mins away). She spends most of her time with G’s oldest sister’s kids . She complains to G about what all she does for her mother and how she is being abused by her but yet she keeps doing it. Oh, and by the way, MIL HATES me for some reason. She acknowledges G to her kids but I don’t exist. She doesn’t talk to me or anything. I have tried to talk to her but she is so jealous of us. Supposedly from what his step-dad has told me she is jealous because he has me in his life now and I am taking care of him and also she wasn’t the one who found him a girlfriend or something like that) She has to be the center of attention (has 4 kids and another on the way)!! I don’t have much to do with his side of the family because of all the drama except for his real dads mother. She is elderly and took G in when his mom kicked him out of the house again at the age if 17. He quit school got his GED and started working. I LOVE her to death. She is the only one who has given him a change and has given me a chance. The bottom line is this, I know I am not suppose to hate anyone but why do them so much?? How can I feel something for this lady that has caused so much paid to my husband? How can I have a decent relationship with someone who turned her back on her only son and watched him struggle but yet tells everyone else how great of a mother she was. I can’t stand this!!! I can’t stand to hear her name!!! Why do I feel this way? How can I get it to stop?
Another thing,
Well, yesterday, we found out that G’s step-father’s dad passed away and she has called G wanting him to do this and do that. G feels obligated to participate because his step-dad was always there for him and he wants to be there for him. I am not sure what I need to do. I don’t know the family well. She is telling G what he can wear and can’t wear and I want to cuss her out!!!

This post was submitted by Jennifer.