Hi. Im currently engaged to my fiance who was just recently deployed to iraq. Which is hard on both me and my MIL i admit but its not about his deployment it is about when he is home. Now i understand him being in the army is hard for her but it is to late he is already in the army and there is nothing we can do about it but anyways when he comes home, atleast twice everytime she is home she would make some kind of comment to me. When he is home he stays with me and doesnt stay at home with her but he does still go see them quite a bit even though she DEMANDS that he sleeps at home which i dont understand because atleast when we sleep together we spend time together you know, its like she wants to marry him. Then this just happened recently, before he joined the army i had got him a cross that was engraved and he wears it everyday. Now last time he was home, she bought him a cross and when she gave it to him tugged on mine and told him “now he can take this old one off.” Now, we are getting married when he comes home and i feel bad for him because i know he feels stuck in the middle. I dont know what to do if i should talk to her or have him talk to her when he comes home “if there is another incident”…this hasnt been the first incident! HELPPPP PLEASE!!!
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Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
Advice
8 Responses to “Engaged and military moms!”
It’s really hard to compete with a MIL that can’t let go of her son. I’m sure it’s hard that he’s being deployed, but also keep in mind on your end, before you use that as justification, that there are MANY moms whose sons are deployed, and they don’t act like this towards their future daughter-in-laws. Tell her to stop competing with you. Better yet, tell your future husband to do it. It’s his job; it’s his mother. If you feel threatened by her or as if she’s being too overbearing, by all means, make sure you take care of it before you get married; honestly, it will only get worse. Take it from someone who knows. Good luck to both of you!!
I am going to have to agree. My fiance is also in the military and his mother is crazy. He is just going to have to set her straight. She is his mother, and yes, she did raise him, but he is an adult now and capable of making his own decisions. In addition, he needs to make it clear that you will be his wife and demand that she show you respect. You are the one he will be spending the rest of his life with, not her.
Sorry to hear that, at least it’s just one MIL & not 2 like I have. My husband who is a Marine has his mom & step-mom. So as you can see I have double trouble.
My advice to you is to have a talk with her while he is gone & explain to her that nothing is going to keep you two away, tell her how you feel, in a sweet way. That way she doesn’t feel threatend. Then if she still keeps up with her drama, then ask your fiance to have a talk with her.
From experience if you don’t do that now it’s only going to get worse.
Good Luck!
Did she know that you bought the first cross? Is she very religious?
We have very close friends and he is deployed right now and they have been married for 20 years. His mom is clinging like never before. Its just the war and fear of death that brings out the momma in us all. I say let this one go for mom. He is going to come home safe and healthy and you can have a wonderful marriage. With Gods blessings they will all come home as we pray for our dear friend and all military right now. But do give mom a break here. I say he needs to put on both crosses an show mom he has enough love to go around.
i know where you are. my fiance is in the army also and his mother is just as bad. when my fiance is home she demands he see her for at least 5 hours day just him and her and that he stays there everynight. i know its hard on the military moms too. my FMIL has no empithy at all. shes always crying and acting like hes dead, and that shes so alone. shes married and has 2 kids! when hes home shes always trying to cuddle with him and hold his had and kiss him all over his face its gross!! its just like you said its like she wants to marry him. im still trying to figure out what to do about my FMIL. so i dont have to much advise for you, i plan on dealing with her crap untill he and i are married and than just never speaking to her, keeping my kids away from her (they dont need her influence) and avoiding her at all costs. MIL’s dont usually give up untill they win or die. id say fight back but she could try harder and that could end up bad. taking this up with you fiance probly isnt a very good idea it just puts more pressure on him when hes gone. and if he talks to her about it its possible she’ll pull him in the middle and thats not fair to him, it hard enough being away. i have recently tried being super nice to my FMIL, its kind of mean but its very amusing. every rude comment she makes a make a sweet on in return. she hates it but usually it shuts her up. but gook luck, and i hope you find a good way to deal with her.
OMG!! I thought I was alone with this stuff. My future MIL is crazy too… my boyfriend is a Marine and is in Iraq right now and his mother told him the other day that she wants him to live with her by himself for a month when he gets home. Keep in mind that we have been together for 6 years and he is about to be 24 and she knows how excited I have been about moving out! Luckily he told her hell no but then when she is mean to me he tells me somehow that I just need to get used to it and that sometimes I am part of the problem too. Is it crazy to not want to put up with someone constantly competing with you and trying to get you out of the picture?! YIKES I have promised myself that I will never be a MIL like that!!!!
I would say that you should discuss this with him. Even though he may not be at home, he would still want to be included in your troubles. Just write it all out in a long letter and ask him what he thinks would help the situation. Explain that you understand she is worried about him, too. I would work it out with him, then speak to her. He may get upset if he isn’t aware of the problem first. Hopefully this will help. Communication is the key! I wish you and your fiance the best and hope he returns safely.