Ecuadorian MIL from Hell –Help

by hopelessly hated on 07/20 @ 3:59pm

I read another post and I’m in just about the same boat. It’s close to 1am and I am alone in my house because my fiance has taken our son to spend the night at his mother’s house…..again……
I feel as if I am losing my mind right now. My fiance and I have been together for 4 years. We have a child together and I have an 8 year old from a previous marriage. As a single mom I worked 14 hour work days to pay the mortgage, bills, and all expenses for my child prior to me meeting my fiance. When we met I felt that we had a connection. His sense of himor was great. I introduced him to my 8 year old and he began to be part of our lives. I unexpectedly found out that I was expecting a child after we had been together for only 2 years. We weren’t married or engaged. We decided to try and make things work and have this family together. Easier said than done!!! I had to deal with him and his mom (giving him advise) trying to force me to have an abortion before he finally decided to go through with my decision. He only introduced me to his family when I was 7 months pregnant. I thought this was weird considering I introduced him to mine several months prior. I am an independant, above average looking career woman. This was the first time that I had been hidden from someone’s parents like this. Well silly me, I didn’t take that as a sign of the horror that was ahead. We moved in together and I let my house forclose due to the economy. I also turned in my leased car because he set me up with one of his. I thought that this was the right thing to do for both of my children. Throughout the relationship he has been very emotionally abusive. He has called me just about every name in the book while he is angry. I have learned to keep my mouth shut if we are ever at odds with each other. He has a really nasty temper and my belongings go flying throught the house on a bad day. He has thrown me out several times and now that we are engaged, he takes the ring back all the time. I’ve done nothing but try to make this relationship work with him. I bring his parents (who live down the street) dinners and try to show them that I appreciate them helping out with our child sometimes. Tonight he failed to call me while running late, so I got ready to leave the house to make it to my best friends birthday. He was working today and got off late. I tried to get a hold of him 3 times and couldn’t so I figured he was still at work. When I was leaving he walked in and freaked out calling me “Dumb Bitch” for leaving without him. I wasn’t mad at all. I was just trying to get to the event. He screamed at me as I left. While I was at the party one of our mutual friends came up to me and told me that she had heard what happened. I thought to myself that there was no way that she could have known about the fight that just took place. She told me that every time we get into any type of arguement that he tells his mom and family what a horrible person I am and that it is all my fault. He is a victim! His mother hates me because I work (because we could not survive without it) and because I dress nicely and take my kids places that are expensive. She is one of those Latin minimalist old-timers that prides herself on being bare-foot in the kitchen with no money and no health insurance. Back to my story (sorry it’s late:) Our friend told me all kinds of personal info about me and how horrible my fiances family thinks I am. They had an intervention the other night telling him to leave me. His evil mother ripped me aprart the other week for NO REASON. I was caught off guard and said nothing back to her as she called me a bad mom, bad person, and told my 8 year old to go back to her real dad. I mean she is really horrible. When I told my fiance what she had done (I was crying of course) he told me that I was a liar and that I was the one who yelled at her. I just about lost it then. I felt like someone was drowning me. My own fiance took his mothers false story over the events that really took place. I came home to an empty house. My 8 year old is with her dad this weekend and my fiance took our child to his moms house to get away from me. After reading this I’m sure you are questioning what kind of person I am for all of these horrible things to happen to me. I have been trying to get in with a family therapist to find out why this family hates me so desperately. I think one of the issues might be because myi fiance hselps to support them and get them work. So with me and my 8 year old in the picture, they see him working to support us (as I do) and get jealous over this. These people are from Ecuador, so it may just be a cultural clash that is taking place, but in this country a woman who has all of her sons (3 sons in their 30″s) living with her, it is considered bad parenting and creepy.
What do I do?

Print This Article

7 Responses to “Ecuadorian MIL from Hell –Help”

Lani said on 07/21/08 @ 1:09am

God I really dont know where to start with yours but you need advise if your posting it so I dont want to leave you hanging.Can we tell him or her to pop her boob out of his mouth and go live your own life before I deport you lol.God I love the whole barefoot,no money and life insurance I was laughing so hard my girls came in.Lets just say you made my day.Sounds like you were alot better off before he came into the picture.First your not doing anything wrong.The only thing your doing wrong is putting up with their shit.I bet one slap and the mom will will respect you in a heart beat and if not then she’ll know that she better keep her mouth shut.It’s eaiser said then done.You mgiht have a voice at the back of your head but heres another for you an outsiders voice.It’s not worth it.What happend to the independent women before he came into the picture.Find her take the time doing it by yourself he wont like it he seems like a needy person himself.Start doing the things you used to do.Can you get your own car?Anything you can get rid of that HE thinks is from him get rid of it.Get these things by yourself.Thats one way he’ll know that your not messing around and he cant take those things away their yours!!!!Set the ring on his side of the sink you dont need a ring because he wants guys to think your off the market(trust me im going through this ring thing to).After counciling if he goes and he improves wear it with pride.Other then that let him know he’s a babys dad or a boyfriend.I hate how they give you a ring but at the same time they treat us like dirt bow to their moms and dont want to get married for years to come but intoduse you as his wife.God they have balls dont they.Find you babe~Love your kids and thats it.Hes a boyfriend after he sees all this you doing stuff for yourself with not bowing down to him and listening to anything he has to say he can do one of 2 things.A- he can change and know that your a positive person and your gonna live your life like it should be or B- leave you the hell alone cant have the cake and eat it to in this case.He’s wasting your time of finding true love.Were not getting younger I hate for you to live this way cause a man and his short mom want to bring you down.Just remember your great!Find you.do counciling and try not to need anything from them two.They will get the hint hopefully let me know what happends!

Shannon said on 07/21/08 @ 7:17am

It sounds more like to me that your youngest child’s father is the problem. I would absolutely leave his sorry ass in a heartbeat. If he leaves you first then “they” won. You get full custody and every penny you can out of him for child support. With your work history and situation, you can get help and I promise you, he has no leg to stand on. He and his family are nuts…and you will get full custody. Don’t let him or her treat you like second-rate crap another day. You should have a wedding band on your hand and a real man by your side. He’s an idiot bc of his parents and you will never change that. If you keep letting them treat you and your children especially the oldest like this, it’s your own fault. You can do bad by your damn self, and he does not deserve you. It isn’t a cultural clash; ignorant low budget jealous people exist in every race and creed. She envy’s you for all that you are, a woman who can get her ass to work and hold it down with or without a man. Don’t you say you’re average looking, I bet you the right guy thinks you are gorgeous and you probably are just beautiful inside and out. Get yourself another car in your name, a new hair do, a day at the spa, and the hell out of there. Screw them, when you’re gone, they will be sorry, and that’s just what they deserve. Show them who’s boss, and it isn’t going to be them another DAY! Life is too short, go for it.

Nikki said on 07/21/08 @ 11:49am

Get your kids and get the hell out. What they are doing to you is not right. And you said it yourself you can be a very good independent mother you dont need them.

lynny said on 07/22/08 @ 11:34pm

ok no one wants to hear … leave him .. but i would say counseling or get out .. and boundaries need set .. i think you win for the most odd story .. lol .. by chance does your mil want to date your dh ..lol
there a lil too close .. nip it in the butt or be forever SAD

wecwatwer said on 07/28/08 @ 1:22pm

I totally agree with the first response. Do not put up with your husband and his family’s crap. Make sure that you are happy. I tried making my husband’s hispanic family happy when I first met them and from the time I found out they were lying to me and giving me bad advice, I decided that was when I will not put up with it. Now I bring things up when they come up rather than holding them inside. Let your mother and husband know how you are feeling in a stern and a voice that you can still respectful about yourself, and let them know immediately that it is NOT okay. I also do not hang out with them hardly ever because I refuse to subject myself to criticism and rejection and hurting myself. Hope everything works out!

Mary said on 08/01/08 @ 8:17pm

As the American wife of an Ecuadorian, I have to say that your situation is horrible. You need to get your children and get out! In the long run, you and your children will be the winners. Ecuadorian families are indeed a tight familial bunch of lunatics and you aren’t ever going to be happy if your fiance isn’t supportive of you and your relationship. When my in-laws came to town and stayed with us for 5 weeks (UGH!)before the wedding, we had some very harsh words and they were against us getting married because they thought I wasn’t good enough for him. In the end, my husband stood beside me and defended me. To this day, we’ve not had any other problems and my in-laws treat me like part of the family.

I wish you the very best of luck. You have the strength and fortitude to right this and find someone who will treat you and your children with the dignity and respect you ALL deserve.