My husband and I have been married for five years and together for two before this. I am divorced, and had a daughter in my previous marriage, and we also have a son now. When we were dating I wasn’t around my mother in law much, so I don’t think I had a chance to notice things. I do remember one time after he and I got into a tiny spat at their house her advice to me was “maybe you should just leave him and never come back”. I didn’t pay much attention to it at the time but that seems to be the first indicator. Then he and I got married. We went off, and did it alone. No one said they wished for a wedding or anything and we all agreed it was better not to spend money on a wedding, and use it for our house. She annouced our marriage with an email (that she left laying on the dining room table for me to see) saying “I have news. My son has gone off to get married. I don’t think he’ll really go through with it, I guess we’ll see”. This was my introduction to the family! Fast forward a year. We moved in with my mother and father in law for 3 months while we were still looking for a house to buy. I was about 4 months pregnant. She had no baby shower for us, she didn’t even tell his dad’s family we were having a baby until they came over to visit and I was showing, and the baby shower I did have she declined the invitation. She doesn’t call me ever, she doesn’t invite me to anything that doesn’t include my husband, she doesn’t tell me happy birthday, she does get me an Xmas gift, but usually something so generic it’s like no thought is put into it. There are tons of little things and comments that are all similar. ON THE FLIP SIDE she gives us tons of money. She bought all of the furniture for the house, new washer and dryer, new fridge, stove and dishwasher. She has a credit card that my husband uses that she pays the bill. I’d say she spends 5,000.00 a year on our family. I don’t feel like it has anything to do with me though. My husband is always telling me to stop complaining and to be more appreciative, and that makes me feel guilty. It is nice of her to do these things, but I still resent her. I would rather her be nice than buy us more stuff.
My thing if someone doesn’t like me has always been I’ll be even sweeter and nicer to them than normal. I hoped that be showing her I care for her even tho she doesn’t for me, but it hasn’t worked. I remember her bday (and no she isn’t so old she forgot because on my last one my husband asked her to babysit so we could go out..it didn’t happen), I recently bought her a ticket to disney on ice to go with me and the kids, I buy her mothers day and xmas gifts, I go visit and sit with her so she can see the kids. When she gets sick I’ll be the one taking care of her and making sure she gets to her doctors.
I guess I just want another opinion. My husband is biased and thinks I’m imaginig it to be more than it is. My mother agrees with me but then she turns the money thing on me, and says I’m not being appreciative.
This post was submitted by kerry.
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10:16 pm
The first thing I’d do, if I were you, would be to stop taking the money and gifts. She’s buying your husband and it seems to be working if he tells you to stop complaining and be appreciative. Just because someone gives you something doesn’t give them the right to treat you like your invisible or like dirt. Also, do not feel guily, you have nothing to feel guily about. Your husband should apoligize to you for standing by and doing nothing for 7 yrs while his mother treats you this way.
Stop trying to be sweeter and nicer to her. Be your normal nice sweet self but don’t go out of your way for her. After all this time she’s not going to accept you no matter what you do. I know that sounds harsh but it’s true.
As for buying her xmas and birthday gifts, let your husband do it from now on. It’s his mother, let him do it.
I know where you are coming from and I’m sorry you’re going thru this.
7:33 am
First off, on the baby shower. There are a lot of reasons why she would not have hosted a baby shower for you. For many years it was considered rude for a family member to host a shower; this is something that a woman’s friends would be expected to do. It’s also possible that she could not afford to host and pay for such a party. I think you are reading too much into that particular non-occurrence.
I don’t think she hates you; my impression from what you wrote is that she doesn’t really know you, and that she doesn’t really think of you as part of “her” family.
All that in mind, you and hubby need to stop taking money and gifts from her. I’m also getting the impression that she’s one of those people who think that her giving money gives her control over your life. Run from this money like the citizens of Pompeii fleeing from the volcano!
9:06 pm
I have to live in my MIL house for 2 yrs now, even tho she lives in the RV outside the yard on the property….. She comes over here everyday and she knows sheis butting in & don’t care…From the people who come visit me & my husband, to her grandson staying with her and taking advantage of us now also…We do not pay rent, the deal was when we moved in to help her, she wouldn’t and couldn’t live here alone anymore. So in we came, but we pay electric, satallite, internet, phone & propane….etc….She tries to come in and tell me when to wash how to wash, well after 22 yrs. I think I know how to wash his clothes…She constantly tells me it is not my house it is hers, and her washer & dryer and stove & refrigerator…?? I can’t stand it or her anymore…I have taken her to dr.s appts. & to the ER and when she was sick cleaned up all the place where she had had accidents & threw up…..Don’t know what to do!! Debbie
5:47 pm
Ok I agree with the other ladies…stop taking her money.
But I have to add in one thing…Stop looking for her acceptance. It is apparent it will never be there. Why waste your kindness and love on someone who doesn’t want it.
Scrap the poo off your shoe and move on.