Mother-in-law Hell

MOMMY wants sonny boy to prove he loves her more than his oath and vows to you (how good is he at keeping promises?). When he blames you for “mommy” not talking to him ask him if you should knock her down and twist her arm up behind her back until she yells to him for help. When the shocked look passes off his face, then ask him what he really thinks you can do about his mommy’s tantrums? She raised him and he has moved on to his adult life, can’t go back to being a kid and mom needs to move on with her life (sounds like she needs to go to a counciler for some one-on-one redirection chats)

Sounds like your husband doesn’t appreciate you. He takes you for granted. Do you have any friends that you can hang out with more often? It may make him a little jealous, and at the very least it’s something you can do while he has visit his mom. Take up a hobby, go to the gym, have some quiet time.

My own mom is the same way, when she is very depressed she tells me that my husband took me away from her and she wants me to move back home (yeah right!). Keep in mind that this behavior is most likely because they are very lonely and depressed. When we visit my mom, my husband goes stir crazy, he hates going there which makes me uncomfortable too, he stresses me out. Try being supportive, your husband should appreciate that.

If your MIL won’t go out and meet people your husband will be her crutch to fall back on. Instead of preventing him from seeing her, try sending him to see her more often, your husband will think you are best wife ever, your MIL may even lighten up. Give it a little while and then after you made the effort to let her have her son more then ween her off of his shoulder.

I’m pretty sure I slept walked last night and went to the computer and wrote this in my sleep!!! I’m pretty sure we have the same MIL. There’s no winning…and I say that sadly. Sometimes I win some battles but everytime you and your man argue, he gets that much closer to her because she’s always there to be the woman.

There are days I think it would be much better to throw in the towel and let them have each other. Do what is best for you. But think about this. The average life expectancy is about 85. If she is 20 years older (do the math you need to), then she will probably live until you are 65…maybe longer to make your life hell. So at 30 (ish)…can you deal with it another 35 years????

Good luck.

I am in somewhat of the same position, but my son (her grandson) is also in it. He’s only 5 months old and has been in and out of the hospital since birth, She wants him to sleep over and I said absolutely not. Her, her husband and her MIL all smoke in the house. Not to mention that it is extremely dirty. Actually, it’s disgusting. My son is just getting over bronchitis so there is no way he is going there. Not to mention that he doesn’t know her b/c she is never around. The problem is that her husband is worthless, so she is lonely. And she was never there for her sons so now she’s trying to rekindle it. But I’m the bad person??? I’m just as confused. Not sure what to do anymore.

I used to have this problem until I told my husband if things didn’t change, I was going to leave him because this was not how I was going to live my life. His mom hasn’t changed. She still calls every Saturday morning to get him to come over and help with her household chores but he says no now. That doesn’t prevent her from calling back 5 times to whine, yell, and complain about how he won’t drop our plans and drive 40 min. to her house to take care of her yard, car, garage, etc. I have learned I can’t change her, I can’t stop her crazy behavior, but I can control my own life. Now, I sort of laugh her behavior off because it is always childish and immature. It took me 4 years to get here and countless hours of stress, tears, etc. She has always attempted to assert her control, she hired someone to clean our house when we were living in a home she owned, which included rearraging the furniture and cabinets (so we moved); she worked her way into a vacation that was supposed to be taken with my family only and acted like a child the entire time whining, crying, inisiting we all go back to the hotel a few min. after we had arrived at a destination (we will never go on another vacation with her); my husband and I helped her do yard work and she came out yelling that we did the wrong part of the yard first (I will never perform odd jobs or tasks at her house again); there are countless other stories, but with each manipulative action she will get less and less from our family. There are consequences to every action.

When people go through a divorce they turn into hurt children. For her to think that her kids getting divorced and moving back home so they all can be a happy family again is nutty as hell. She prolly has always been self absorbed. Lots of men grow up with women like this and feel this need to be their saviors. She prolly knows if she acts depressed and childish he will want to spend more time with her out of guilt. Load the bags cuss we are going on a guilt trip boys! This might not work but for your own sanity, but suggest activities that will get her out of the house to meet new people. Divorcee seminars, support groups, women’s groups. Anything! In doing this, it will show hubby you care about his mom and wants this woman to move on and be happy. Good luck!