Yet another mother in law post, I know. I hate my MIL. I have hated her for years. And yet I need to keep things going, my husband will never allow even one word spoken against her. So, I keep all the bad feelings to myself when she is around. I try to behave as if nothing happened… but it does happens. She is a neat freak and control freak, manipulates my husband, does not have a life of her own and uses my husband as a surrogate shrink, counselor, friend and God knows what else.
She is always letting me know how inadequate I am to take care of my husband and my son. She started teaching my little boy to call me by my first name instead of mommy and encouraged him to call HER mommy. During the years I have been married she is always come up with some crisis to keep my husband thinking about her the whole day. There is no peace in our home, is an endless MIL soap opera playing in my husband’s mind morning, afternoon and night.
Her husband divorced her and is happily married now. No friend can take her for long, no employee. She makes her staff clean her carpets EVERY day with a hand brush… you see, everything is so dirty and she is so clean.
She talks bad about me to my husband and other relatives on a regular basis. When I was pregnant with my son she made my life miserable. I spent some weeks with her and when we went to see a gynecologist she did not let me speak and started telling the gyno about HER health problems.
Later, with the pretext of my forgetting something in her house, she started a war against me, calling my husband when I was sleeping, to tell him horros about me and how much I had hurt her. I was pregnant, for God’s sake, and most of the time my husband was horrible to me because of what I had done to his mommy.
She is unable to see anything good on me. Sometimes I think my husband and her would have been happier if I had never appeared in their lives. Now is too late. I am thinking in divorcing my husband, I cannot take any more of this and I am afraid of her influence opn my child. She is a maniac, and I have lost all hope for my husband to have the balls of making things right and stand for me at least once on his life.
Thanks for reading.
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Advice
10 Responses to “Divorce may be only option”
I feel you girl….but just remember one thing Love will follow you…so if you leave your husband and he tries to be with you, YOU then have to lay down the law…Let him know how you feel…If he TRULY loves you then he would understand…If none of that happens then you know it was not meant to be and that is HIS loss. You just then have to move on and live a happier life for you and your child!! Screw her she sounds like a bored miserable old hag…trust me I have one too…and she will never change!! Hope this helped somewhat…hope all gets better and I wish you the best!!
Let your husband know what he stands to loose girl. I know that you love your husband and that he is the father of your child but girl men are a dime a dozen and what do you have?…. a buck fifty.
Why are you still with that *sshole! Your husband is useless. Leave that toxic family already.
Poison them both!
DearP.
My god my MIL to be was no way near that bad but Icould see that her influence was preventing my ex to grow up. My advice to you is that YOU should be the number one priority oin your husband life you and your son of course. Just think about how you would like YOUR son to act when he is married and has his own children. Do you want him to be happy and settled with his wife and child or do you want him still dependent on you and putting you before his own family? That is what you MILwants and she is too selfish to realise that her son has his own family now. If your husband cannot see hoe deeply wrong and frankly unhinged hismothers behaviour is then he does NOT love and respect you in the way he should. Grandparents CAN have a lot of influence over their grandchildren and do you want your son to be around a woman who clearly has no love or respect for you, his mother? SHE is NOT his mother and should not be confusing the poor child with telling him to call her that. Iwould say that you tell your husband that you are thinking of leaving and ask him to go into counselling with you. If he wont do this then I think you have no option but to leave, this MIL sounds pyschologically dangerous to you and your son (not to mention the damage she has done to your husband in not allowing him to become independent of her). I hope this works out for you xxx
Do not let her win, If both of you love each other, Why are you going to make her life better? If there is Love in the relationship it is worth fighting for. You need to set down the law with your husband and stop holding in your feelings when you are around her. You need to speak your mind, or you will fall into a great depression. I am not telling you that speaking with her will help things, trust me it wont. But it will make you feel better. Also tell him how you really feel about his mother, without curse or insults. If he loves you he will realize that he is wrong and needs to put you first in the relationship. It will take time. This does not happen overnight. Good luck
WOW!!! My MIL and I do not have a good relationship at all, and if my husband didn’t stick up for me I wouldn’t be able to take it at all.
She LOVES to tell people awful stories about me, and if she can’t make up anything recently enough, she will use things that happened BEFORE we got married (over 3 years ago, and trust me her memory is more then a little off) If your husband can’t see how much she is hurting you (not to mention your son!!) I would try counciling and if that doesn’t work, or if he won’t go, I would leave. What kind of example is all this setting for your son? You do not want him to grow up thinking this is all normal behavior and that grandma is really “mommy.” Hopefully you can talk things out with your husband, but it sounds like you have been trying that for a long time already!
I say use caution, I am catching the “makes staff clean her carpets” part which is screaming money? Money can cause a mom to lose custody in courts these days. And this sounds like the grand”mommy” that wants her grandson and son and would put forth the money to get that. Its no automatic that mothers get custody, even joint this woman is getting a good amount of time each week with your son (without you there) should you choose divorce. I don’t know if I could take what you are living through but I would seek counsel and see what options are out there before you do anything you can’t reverse and your son pays dearly.
Sounds like a divorce is in store. However if you divorce him than your child will still be around her only than you will not have any control of what goes on. As of right now you are with your child when she is around and if you leave him than your child will be near her with out you. She will fill the childs head with lies and stories of what a terrible person you are for leaving the family. Sounds like you need to just go ahead and put her in her place
Wow…Have you ever threatened your husband by telling him you may lose your family because you can’t face your mother? Honestly, you do have problems with your MIL without a shadow of a doubt but I feel that you have even bigger problems with your husband. He needs to quit being a mama’s boy and grow some balls like you said. I feel for you, because you have your son and all. Good luck girlie but definately threaten him a little bit. If he doesn’t budge then you know where you and your son stand.