Mother-in-law Hell

Are you like me, the daughter of a mother who does NOT like her son-in-law??? Well I am, and about ill with my own mother’s behavior I hate to say!
From the time I have gotten with this man, my mother has put him down— mostly behind his back, but recently in an insulting letter directed at him and me! My mother does not like this man for two reasons: (1) He’s African-American and I’m white, and my mother’s done everything in her power to prevent me from dating or being with black men in the first place. It’s due to her deep-rooted prejudices anyway, which doesn’t make things nice for my fiance; and, (2) my mother has this twisted belief that all black men are bums, pimps, criminals, drug addicts, and anything else bad that my mother can gripe about to anyone who listens!; and, (3) My mother imagines that the man I’m going to marry, has me constantly involved in criminal activity, is taking advantage of me financially and emotionally, is wrecking my health, and in general just a menace to her, me, and society at large! This totally disgusts me, and I’m tired of it!!!
My man is a good man, drug me out of the pits of hell practically and helped me turned my life around. This man took care of all my personal, medical, housing, and financial needs without complaint for five years! Something that my mother conveniently forgets! And now that he’s sick (with high blood pressure, heart problems, neuropathy, and mobility issues) and can’t work, she thinks he’s a bum! Well I have one thing to say to my mother, and that’s butt out! Stop judging! And, stop assuming that all black men are bad and bad for me! I have a good man, who loves me for me, took good care of me when I was ill, and STILL helps around the house and financially without a word of complaint. But mind you, my man’s supposed to be a bum! WRONG!
My mother thinks that my man is trying to use me for everything I have, including my SSI and anything else my mom thinks he can get, but she is WRONG! To make a long story short, my mother has NEVER liked any of the men my sister and I have been involved with and/or married to, and she’s never liked anyone black a day in her life! Her views are narrow-minded, and completely paranoid as far as I’m concerned.
The both of us have done everything we can think of to make nice with my mother, in a respectful and appropriate manner, only to have us both disrespected by her behind our backs with her vicious, tale-spreading gossip. But mind you, my mother wonders why her kids don’t want to be around her. And, it is my opinion that she is jealous that I have a good man and a good relationship with a man, along with the fact that he is African-American putting a thorn in my mother’s side. I personally have tried everything to be nice to my mother, but she has returned nothing but hatefulness, spitefulness, and misery for both our efforts!
I don’t know what to do anymore, and I’ve unfortunately had to pull away from my mother just to protect my sanity here! If anyone else has a mother like this, or worse, please let me know! I’ve about had it with her, and she’s soon going to have me to the point where I will never want to reconcile with her. And she needs to know one thing, I’m not breaking up with this man just because she doesn’t like him. So if she can’t accept him, or accept him as far as being in my life and learn to be respectful of him, she’s going to find herself cut off and cut out of my life. She’s already been kicked out of my upcoming wedding ceremony and dinner, and if she keeps it up, she’ll be kicked out of my life for good!
I’m sorry, but there’s a point where a person can only take so much! And it’s time that some other buttinsky mother-in-laws (and mothers) learn to deal and be nice, or to butt out for good! That goes for my mother, and it goes for her and her behavior as my boyfriend’s mother-in-law!
Advice please??? Thanks, and sorry for sounding so mean. Both me and my boyfriend/fiance are completely fed-up with my mother’s behavior towards my boyfriend and myself!