Mother-in-law Hell

First of all just explain to your daughter that even adults say things that aren’t really true and that obviously she is beautiful in every single way. If the MIL continues to treat her this way and you and your husband can’t get through to her, then I would cut her off. Even with the Holidays.
All it takes is one comment or one person to give your daughter a lifetime of confidence issues, low self esteem, depression, etc. All of this is learned at a very early age. It is not worth it. I would divide the family without guilt if it meant saving my daughter some heartache.
I would point out every thing she has done to hurt your daughter’s feelings and the differences between your daughter and son. If she continues to deny any wrong doing, then I would tell her until she accepts respnsiblity for her actions and makes the changes, then she will no longer be able to have a relationship with your children.

My MIL has been banned from my children for years, with my husband’s blessing. My children were much happier. She treated them very different than her other grand daughters. Right in front of my kids! So, when my children starting noticing it and making comments, I said enough.

Hi Glitter Mom
I have cut off all contact with the In Laws and it is the best thing I have ver done.My marriage is solid as a rock - and we are living a quite peaceful exixtance. My In Laws are mean and rude. They treated my hubby like crap his entire life and started with me too.I refuse to allow anyone to be as dusrespectful as they are/were to me.My MIL is satan.SHe runs the show. She gossips about everyone and is a bitter wrinkled old b**tch. I could not take anymore.I could write a book on the horrible things they did - but instead I wrote them off. Your husband needs to be 100% behind you or there will be conflict. My hubby never really “liked” them.He loves them because they are family but always told me to keep his mother at arm’s length.I NOW know why. My hubby is a sweet dear man and was raised my a vicious controlling witch who no longer is a part of our lives - It has been almost 2 years. They are not welcome in my home and we DO NOT go to theirs. All they have to gossip about now are things they have made up - we tell them nothing, share nothing - they are not a part of our nucleus….It is a beautiful thing!
Good Luck.

You have mama instincts for a reason. Don’t let this crazy old harpy wreck your precious daughter’s self esteem. She is toxic and is emotionally/verbally abusing your daughter! If your daughter doesn’t want to see her, don’t make her visit.

If you don’t want to see her, don’t visit. I would also protect your son from her. If she can’t treat the kids fairly then she can’t see either of them, why reward her nastiness?

Let your husband see her as much as he likes, but protect yourself and the kids. You don’t have to do a formal cutoff but every time she insults your daughter take away a visit. So if she says three aweful things to your daughter in a visit, then stay away for three visits. If she ever asks why you aren’t coming round, tell her straight up you are protecting your kids from her nasty behavior and until she learns to treat them both nicely, she won’t be visiting with them! Good luck.

We have completely written off my MIL. It was bad enough to go thru her sh!t as an adult, but when she turned to DD and stated that she felt sorry for her b/c she was going to be just like her mommy. It just showed me how low my MIL would stoop to involve an innocent child with her hatred. I agree w/ the other posts, you have to have DH backing in this. Follow your instincts!

Hi, please see my post PARENTS IN LAW - CHILDREN AND DIVORCE - which explains my cutting off my in laws - something I would be delighted for you to comment on

After 27 years of passive aggressive “love” from my MIL I finally cut her out of my life last year. I had such low self-esteem I allowed her to pull her nastiness with my children but finally drew the line when she involved my grandsons.
Over the years she had tried to undrmine my relationship with my kids, even advising my son during a teenage power struggle to sue us for support while he lived elsewhere.
It was difficult because she was always careful to make sure she appeared supportive and everything she did was “motivated by love”. Sure.
My DH sees it but doesn’t react so now my DD and I stand together against her. I just try to remember, he was raised with this nonsense so maybe it makes sense to him…
My advice would be in the form of a question, if you lived next to a toxic waste dump, what would you do? If you knew for sure something was detrimental to your family’s health, what would you do?

Then DO IT! One of my friends recently commented (approvingly) I gave up my family. I disagree, I think I traded up, replacing MIL and FIL with good, supportive friends who love us, wish us well and have no hidden agendas.
Just don’t put up with this garbage for 27 years…

We are in the process right now of cutting off my MIL. She has not only treated me like complete crap, but when my husband was telling her how whacked her behavior has been, she hung up the phone on him and said “When you’re ready to be my son again, then call me.” In June my daughter went to stay with her for a week and my MIL went through all of her clothes, threw them out, and bought new ones. She even went so far as telling EVERYONE in the family that the clothes I sent were in horrible condition. They were NOT! When my husband called and said “hey, next time before you do something like that or make a decision like that, consult with us first.” Many of the clothes my MIL threw out were brand new. That of course started a HUGE fight and everything is MY fault because her precious son couldn’t possibly be critical of his mother without my influence. She told everyone in the family that i’m completely mental and crazy. This kind of thing has been going on for 15 years and I made the decision to cut her from my life. I don’t speak to her and I refuse to go to her house. She has crossed so many boundaries with our kids that my husband agrees that we need to protect the kids from her because my mother in law is known to talk to my 8 year old daughter about how crazy I am! My husbands sister is hosting Xmas this year and at the same time, I’ll be giving birth to our third child. His sister basically said that no matter how I act or react during the holiday situation, that whatever happens will be my fault since I won’t stuff my feelings under a rug and pretend that everything is a-ok. I feel so bad that my husband has made the decision we won’t attend the family holiday get togethers because I think this woman is evil for making him have to choose between her or me. He’s on his way now to go have lunch with his mom and he’s going to tell her that if she doesn’t put the effort into changing the situation, apologizing to me, and living under strict rules of how to treat me and the kids that she is not going to have a relationship with us at all. I can’t go on having all the anxieties she puts on me and my family or even the problems that arise between my husband and I because of her. Unfortunately, cutting MIL off is the only thing that can be done.

My husband has two girls from previous relationships and I have a daughter from my first marriage. We have full custody of his oldest and joint of the youngest they are 17 and 8 years old now. We have joint custody of my daughter who is now 12.
A few years ago we went to a pizza place for my husbands oldest daughters birthday. When we arrived she hugged the oldest and grabbed the little one in a great big hug and swung her around telling everyone that was her “bestest grand-baby”. When someone asked about my daughter she just looked over her shoulder, frowned and said “Oh, she’s just her kid”.
That was the beginning of the end. That was about 5 years ago and the visits have gotten less often and shorter as time goes by. With what she’s trying to pull now, it won’t be long before she’s out for good!
OH and as for holidays… Last Christmas she had both of my husbands ex-wives stop by! So holidays are out too!

I have been married for 11 years now and dated my husband for two. My mil has always been nasty to me even before we had kids and after. I cut off my mil for the first time when I had my first child. I did not want him to grow and see how his grandmother preferred the other grandchild. There were may fights between me and my DH. He did not want to see how mean his mother and brothers were to me and my child. He blamed the great separation of his family and us on me. So my mother told me to give his family another chance, by then I had two children. I did and things did not change a bit and his family were still very mean to me. They started to slip up and actually would insult me in front of him, and my Dh also saw the preference that his mother had for the other grand children. One good thing came out of giving them a second chance. But I cannot take it anymore I am going to have my fifth child and I wish that I could just cut off his family for good like I did before. I do not visit them or invite them over. But his mother tends to come once or twice a year to fake that she is the good grandma. My oldest children do not like her because they seen first hand how she prefers her other grandchildren and basically ignores mine. Mil thinks that coming by like an hypocrite once a year will make things better. I already told my Dh that I do not want to see his mother at all. I cannot stand her and her hypocrisy. He keeps telling me that I need to do it for him, because if I dont than I will make him look bad. He does not realize that his mother already makes him look bad by ignoring his children. My family knows it, so does his family and friends also. I already heard many comments from other people telling me on how they see how she ignores my children, and her preference for her other dil. I do not know what to do. I think he is being unfair to me, but I am not sure If I am wrong. Can somebody please help me with some good advice?