Mother-in-law Hell

SNUBS ME! My relationship with my mother-in-law has been an uphill battle from day one! Though it has not been nearly as trying as some of the other stories I have read, some days I would just like to tell my mother-in-law to jump off a cliff! Here’s a little background on my life: I come from a large family. Both of my parents came from families of at least ten. I personally have four younger brothers. My husband comes from an extremely small family. There is his grandparents, his aunt and her two children, and then there is my mother-in-law and my husband. We all live in the same small town. Needless to say everyone knows what everyone else is up to in this small family. So when my husband and I were dating I had met the grandparents, the mom, the aunt, and both cousins. Everyone liked me. When we became engaged everyone was thrilled. Everyone that is, except the mother-in-law. When my husband told his mother that we were getting married she literally beat the crap out of him! He came to me with a torn-up sweatshirt and scratches from his mother! My husband lived with my family for three months before we got married because his mom kicked him out of the house and would not speak to him. Despite all of this my husband still took her a wedding invitation, after all she was still his mother. When we dropped the invite off she was outside mowing the lawn. I, of course, did not get out of the car. My husband just walked over and handed the invitation to her. She took it without saying a word and continued with her mowing so we left.
The day of our wedding she shows up, comes to the dressing room and gives me a hug, tells me I look beautiful, and goes out to take her seat. She stays for the reception and takes pictures all day long. After that day it was as if nothing had happened. She was once again part of our life. She would buy things for my husband telling him it was an early present for an upcoming holiday or something, and then buy him something else on that holiday. At first I just thought that since he was her only son that he had just always been spoiled. Soon I wondered to myself if she was just trying to one up me all the time. I personally believe the second to be true, but I am unable to prove that so we will just stick to the spoiled story. The first winter of our marriage my husband and mother-in-law would go up to our local resort and ski every weekend. Since I did not ski, I did not go. After a few months of being left out, I decided to try skiing again. My new mother-in-law taught me everything I know. She was very patient with me. My husband told me that she used to be a ski instructor. Things were going great for us. My mother-in-law even started to buy things for me too, not just my husband. Then things went rocky. I had sort of had a few run-ins with my mother-in-law, but nothing really serious. She was just really petty about things and it annoyed me. However, for my husbands sake, I kept most of those thoughts to myself.
There are two factors in the reason she will no longer speak with me…the first having to do with a dog that according to her “she and my husband adopted her (the puppy) from the pound.” The reason she had anything to do with it was because my husband and I had decided no more pets for awhile, but he had fallen in love with a puppy at the pound. Since I was still against getting a dog and my husband and I hadn’t really talked about it yet, my husband showed the puppy to my mother-in-law. Of course as soon as she saw it she paid the adoption fee for my husband telling him that if I did not want the puppy that she would watch it for him when she needed to. HA. What ended up happening was she would take the dog soon as she got off work and keep her until way late in the evening, knowing I had to be to work the next morning at 5:30. Eventually I complained to my husband who then told the mother-in-law that she needed to bring the dog back earlier so that we could both get to bed. My mother-in-law immediately threw a fit and said that she would just keep the dog and that we would never see the dog again. My mother in law works long hours at her office, often leaving her pets unattended for up to 12-15 hours per day. (she has two other dogs aside from the one she was now taking ownership of) My husband often had to let our my mother-in-law’s dogs for her because she was not home often enough. My husband didn’t want that harshness for the puppy and by now we were both quite attached to her. The mother-in-law won and ended up demanding all of her (the puppy’s) toys and did just as she had said, took the dog. After that ordeal was over, we were no longer on speaking terms and my husband very rarely spoke to her. She had the locks on her house changed so my husband could not get into her home anymore and kept the puppy in a crate so that he could not see her through the window to check on her. (I did find out that her outburst of wanting to keep the dog for herself was sparked over some pictures that I had posted on my myspace account…I had referenced myself as the puppy’s “mom”)
A while after this had happened my husband’s relationship with his mother was not any better than it had been the night she took the dog. My husband and I started having marriage problems and we separated. Almost immediately my mother-in-law was back in his life buying him things, taking him places, and letting him drive her new car around. When my husband and I decided to work things out and I came home, she immediately cut him off again. She started calling only when she needed something from my husband and that was it. Well, like I have previously mentioned my husband comes from a small family and his grandparents are basically the ones that raised him. His grandparents were thrilled that we were getting back together, as was his aunt. The grandparents decided to have a family dinner and invited all of us (my husband and I, his aunt, and the mother in law) over for a BBQ. Everyone greeted me with a hug, with the exception of the mother-in-law. She would not even look at me, which was fine with me because I wasn’t all that excited to be back in her life either. As my husband and I were leaving later that evening the mother-in-law let a few really snide comments slip about me. The comments were directed toward me, and meant for me to hear, but were said to another family member. My husband and I just left, me not wanting to cause a scene. I was really irritated that his mother couldn’t just be happy for us and so was my husband.
We decided just to take things in stride and so far we have just kept her cut out of our life. My husband continues to talk to her on occasion, mainly when she needs something, but I have no contact. I understand that his mother will always be his mother, but I truly wish she could see how her actions affect her only son and the other family members that she involves. My husband and I have been married for almost 2 and a half years. At this point I truly could care less if my mother-in-law was involved in our lives or not, but what will happen when we decide to have kids? She has a right to be involved in their lives and I would dearly like to have a relationship with her so that she can be a part of our family. I have put forth a little effort since my husband and I reunited, just saying hi and trying to be polite but all I get back is her looking at me and then looking away or just being completely ignored. I can’t help but wonder if I have unknowingly done something wrong, but really I think that mommy just had a hard time letting her only son go and has never forgave me for that.