I had two mothers-in-law from HELL!!! The first one had so much love for me, but crossed every boundry imagineable…and my husband just kept telling me to “Get over it”…well, we ended up divorced.
My 2nd mother-in-law is worse by far. She has HATED me from the get go,and has NO qualms about saying so…again, my husband (Her Baby) refuses to defend me or draw lines….we just live w/ it now. I don’t see or talk to any of his family but he does as if there is no problems. Oh yeah, his former wife and his estranged daughter are tight with the mean old witch too. So sad, in the first ten years I tried so hard to win her over…she wasn’t having any of it. I’m not Catholic and my family has a higher standard of living, reason to hate me I guess. So now,after these horrible experiences, I want to be the best mother in law in the world! But my dtrs IL are cool to me and make fun of things I say…while I’m sitting right there!!!!! I have no idea what I did to deserve this, and I just wonder, what do they say about me behind my back????? I’m trying to stay out of their lives as much as possible, but my heart is breaking and I have no idea what to do…I’m not a cryer, but tears are running down my face as I type this…WHAT can I do to fix this?????
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Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
Advice
6 Responses to “Need Advice Please!”
Need Advice here goes.
It is up to your husband to put “mommie dearest” in her place. HE has to have a chat with her and let her know that YOU are his choice for a wife and she either has to learn to live with it or he will cut off communication with her until she does!!! Then the two of you have to sit down QUITELY and have to set some boundouries. If this is not an option at this point, take a night or afternoon sit down with him and TALK—no yelling or screaming because all that does is make things worse, and nothing gets solved. Let him know how hurtful her behavior is and that you have put in all the effort you can to improve the situation. If the discussion gets heated, simply say in a normal tone of voice “honey, I see we can’t have this discussion right now–”we will talk when we are both calmer” and leave the room or the house for a little while. I know that this may seem like Ward and June Cleaver, but after 3 or 4 times you WILL be able to have an adult conversation. Until then as far as your MIL—all you can do is ignore her remarks and continue to be as cordial as you can under the circumstances. Good luck let me know how things work out.
Jen,
Iam so sorry I misread your question. I understnd the problem is with your dtrs IL. My sons IL treat me like part of the family and I love them dearly. Again, I would call your dtrs MIL and invite her to lunch. During the lunch I would straight out ask her if I did something that offended her, and if so what, and see if you can get it resolved that way. If not the next time you are in her presence, just come out and tell her NICELY (if you can) that her snide remarks are hurtful and you don’t find them the least bit amusing, and you want her to stop. My guess is that she will be so flabbergasted and embarrased, she won’t know what to say after that. For the life of me I just don’t understand what makes people so mean and hateful. I would never speak or treat some one in such a hateful manner. I have been blessed in so many ways.
Good luck and let me know how you make out.
Thank you so much!!! My DIL both are so sweet, and my youngest son’s wife and I have always been particularly close, but now (since she & my oldest sons new wife have gotten close) she is more aloof, and makes remarks that are hurtful. It makes me think the two of them have gotten this attitude going between them…Are alllll DIL jealous of their husbands mother??? I do everything I possible can to be good to them….it’s just wearing on my heart at this point…I think I will take one of them to lunch, then see if that stops the problem…Thank you so much for listening to me….
Jan,
I am really sorry to learn about your experiences. You can do nothing to fix broken people, Jan. They have the problem and feel so bad about themselves that they pick on you — why? You are an easy target — you are SWEET! You TRY to make them LIKE YOU… because you are a wonderful, kind hearted person…. how horrible for them to take advantage of your kindness. Shame on them.
Now what to do to fix this. Tell them to STOP. Stand up and put out your hand and say STOP, you can’t talk about me this way. Sounds corny I know… but it works. And if they babble babble be calm.
It may work to talk to each one mono y mono —
Next, stop asking them to lunch and hanging out… they do not deserve you sweetie… not now… and not until they acknowledge the problem and change their behavior.
If you take charge and say stop — how do you think this makes you look? Effective.
If you keep asking people to lunch who crap on you and call you names how does this make you look? Needy. Stop being needy. You don’t need them to like you, you want them to, sure, but you don’t need them to.
You are better than this. You are wonderful. You are sweet. You can make friends. Keep your chin up and move forward. Do not stand for this unacceptable behavior anymore.
Now, don’t beat yourself up for anything in the past either… or if they keep picking on you… move forward, chin up and know you are special and loved…. NO MORE PICKING ON JAN!
STOP, YOU CAN’T TALK TO ME LIKE THIS…. great words.
Then be quiet and let them talk… if they say anything.
Repeat with force.
You will be the best MIL!
You DO NOT deserve to be treated badly, tell yourself this!
You are good enough, if not better!
So they call you, doesn’t that make them mean spirited! Be better than that.
Stay out of their lives, their loss! They could have had a good friend
What a second…isn’t this MIL from hell website, not bash the daughter in laws. Im a clinical therapist with my own MIL from hell and guess what, there is more to this story. I highly doubt that Jan is as innocent as she tries to describe. For all of you DILs on this site, you should be disgusted (and insulted) that this woman is not telling the whole story. DILs are not intentionally mean without cause. I am sure Jan has put her foot in her mouth or “innocently” given some unwelcomed advice. It is what all MILs do. As I stated previously I am a therapist trained to work with people with huge problems, and guess what, it doesn’t matter how much professional experience I have the DIL/MIL relationship is a very difficult one to make work. My suggestion to you, Jan, is to take a closer look at how you may be “judging” your DILs and take responsibility for your behavior instead of playing the victim. Clinically it’s called gaining insight. By the way….you sound exactly like my MIL. She talks about her evil MIL experiences, but has no insight into the 19 years of hell she has put me through. If you really want things to get better, you have to examine what your part is in all of this and take responsibility for things said and done. Even harder yet, you need to listen to your DIL and you have to apologize for the hurtful things said and done, even if you claim the ” I didn’t think I was being harmful” logic. Shame on you for using this website to vent about your DILs. This website is for the DILs of the world who need a place to vent about years of hurt. If you want to share your MIL stories, great, go for it. Please leave your DILs out of this.