Mother-in-law Hell

I feel that your fiancee needs to grow a backbone and stand up for himself. This is HIS family and he should be the one who deals with them. GOOD LUCK!!!

YOu never know what will happen in the future. Yelling at you MIL is a bad idea..I know I have done it…Aftter 15 years of marriage my husband has finally taken the reigns and yours needs to do the same. You shouldn’t keep a child away because you dislike her, you need to set your boundaries ASAP. A child is a privilege and should be treated as one. If you find that your child is being harmed emotionally then you should take the child away. Ultimately, you can use your MIL as an example ofhow not to act. Good Luck

Any mans mother can be the definition of evil and they will still want their mommy. With your first child….Set the expectations first thing.
If she breaks them it is her doing. Lay the law down ASAP. Even before you have kids. In small talk bring up your thoughts. No understandings later.

Things have gotten so bad between my MIL, and husband and his children that she is NO longer permitted to visit or take them out. She has become very detrimental to the children. This was also advice given to us, and its something that we are going to stick with… Some MIL’s just don’t get the picture. Children are not a game, nor are they toys.. But when you harm, physically or emotionally, in my opinion, you lose your “grandparenting” rights. Goodluck.

If you marry & have a family with this person (he is not a man till he can stand on his own two feet with out holding onto his mothers apron strings) then you two should think about other employment. Families are infamous for taking advantage of each other in the work setting. & remember how his family treats him now is how they will continue to treat him & more than likely how they will treat you and any children you have together. Are his parents respectful to each other? Is he allowed or capable of making a decision with out checking it over with his parents? Sounds like you could end up co-parenting with his parents.
AND NEVER EVER keep children away from relatives but I agree that they should be supervised by you, because I don’t think your man will be able to grow a back bone where his parents are concerned.
Make sure that YOU never act impolite to your In-Laws around your future kids or you will end up in the same situation that your In-Laws are now in.
Good Luck & practice birth control until you know you have a brighter future with his family.

It looks to me like the wife of one son has a relationship with her in-laws that is barely tolerable, but if it is working for her fine. The problem your husband is having is between his parents and him. I can understand your concern, but he needs to to recognize he has a problem and then he needs to fix it. As soon as you interfere, YOU will be the problem. You will be blamed for everything that happens, didn’t happen, or could happen in the future. To even THINK about keeping children away from grandparents is the biggest mistake you can ever make. First you must produce the children; I suggest you don’t have any until this problem with your husband is resolved. Second, making the children something to fight about as if they were property, is inhuman and negligenct and it is their right to their grandparents like it was your right to your grandparents. Of course, the exception is if they are physically, mentally or emotionally abusive and that is yet to be seen and right now it is an assumption. I on the other hand am speaking from experience as a mother-in-law who has a daughter-in-law who has,yes,who has swayed and turned our son totally away from our family with whom he was once close to and managed to move him away across the entire country. No, he is not our only son. We have one more son and two more daughters. We watched her work in action and she caused such an upheaval that it practically destroyed our family. No, they do not have children, thank God. However, let me say this. For some reason I am not angry with her, I do not hold grudges against her (I wish it were the same way with others in the family). My feeling is she didn’t know me and did not understand me when she made accusations. Others feel she knew what she was doing and this was her way to get our son away from us. I was extremely injured by my son’s lack of involvement in this entire situation….and when he did finally get involved, he sided with his wife, totally, 100%. What injured me was that he had known me by then for 29 years and we were close; she knew me for 4 months. He believed her over me. My heartbreak and my pain turned into anger and to this day, 15 years later, I hold no resentment against my daughter-in-law, but I get angry every time I think of the incident, even now, that our son, a very high ranking officer in the Marine Core, who will be retiring next year, did not have the strength and the backbone to stand up for what he knew, for his values, for his beliefs, for his family but he gave this up for his wife because the mattress is thicker than blood. He gave up a lot for his wife; his family, a family of his own and moved across the entire nation to be away from us. All of this, and I should be extremely angry with my daughter-in-law, as is my husband and others, but I cannot find in my heart to do so, though I can see where they can. The blame is on my son; the brave, the proud marine,who served his country so well and so proudly, who did not have the backbone, the guts to stand up to his wife and say to her, “Honey, this is my mother. I love her. She is the way she is. You don’t have to love her, you don’t have to like her, you don’t even have to accept her; all I would ask you to do is to tolerate her until you get to know her better.” He didn’t even have to say he didn’t believe her, even though all of it was incorrect. The thing about all this is I liked her and wanted to be a good mother-in-law to her because her mother died when she was 15 and I was very compassionate about this because my mother was an orphan. I was never against her in any way and never did anything to harm their relationship…..and this was taking place BEFORE they even got married. Our family was not invited to the wedding, they wanted to be married alone, by the justice of the peace, just several miles from our home. Why, “Since my family cannot be here, we feel we will be married alone..” This is what she wanted. We were all heartbroken, but that is the way it was. Our son is a different person and we can all see the difference. I know that her own insecurities have led to this tragic division of our family and it never had to happen. I want you to know how easy it would be to blame you for EVERYTHING…..even before you did anything. In my case, I feel I lost a son when I wanted to gain a daughter. At the end, it will be their loss and at the end I believe our son will have plenty of regrets. We make our own experiences in life…our Marine, brave as he was in war, was not brave enough to stand up to his wife. I find this tragic.

I feel the same about my MIL and children. My husband did not have the best childhood there were a lot of strange things he went through like anger management at 5 and drug tests at 10. There are a lot of emotional issues that I would rather not get into because there are just so many, which of course she clains don’t exist. We are trying to have children and before we began this journey I explained to him that I will never leave my children alone with her ever! Thank god he feels the same way I do about the situation. I do feel bad having to do this but I also know I do not want my children around a woman who will bash me in front of my kids or possibly do some emoitional damage that is not needed. I also think that MIL will go against anything we say when it comes to children, like if we tell her no we don’t want them to eat this or that or do this or that she will let the children do it ro be spiteful.

To Stacia, we don’t know what the insult to you or her, but as most of us as DIL feel, the mothers don’t give an inch of thier son up without a fight. I really like almost everyone else in my husbands family, but my MIL is so manipulative and coniving that its hard for me to not want to take my husband away from her. He has finally realized how her behavior is and it is his place to stand beside his wife, and the family he is making, not to stay with his mother until she deems it ok for him to be with someone of her choosing. I will never be the DIL that she wants because I am outspoken, do not follow orders that are not fair, and I don’t allow my loved ones to be hurt- especially my husband. But my husband loves me, chose me to be with him through this life, and his mother, like it or not, has to deal with that. That doesn’t mean that we have to deal with each other. Unfortunatly that puts a strain on my husband, and I’m not certain where it will all end up, as we are still in the midst of tug of war. I am willing to conceed somethings to her, but she must meet me in the middle. As all MIL and DIL should. As to children, when my husband and I have them, I will not keep them from her if she is decent and respectful. They will not be power game pawns. But if she chooses to not behave respectfully and its is around the children, she will not be around them until she can be nice. My children will not be in a family environment that will cause them heartache if I can help it. Best of luck to you Army-Fiancee. You will need it.