Here’s the problem. My family gets basically one week of vacation each year and each year we vacation with the in-laws, neither of whom like me. MIL has actually told me that on the phone: “I just wouldn’t choose someone like you as a friend,” “We’re two different people,” etc.
The MIL is the worst: controlling, rude, critical, etc. I feel as though my one week off would be less stressful and a real vacation if I skipped the “family” deal–they’ve never treated me like one of the family, anyway.
I know this might not be good for my marriage or kids, but I want to opt out after all these years. Last vacation I blew up from the stress of sharing a house with them for a week, and my MIL “doesn’t think she can forgive and forget.”
My husband has tried to intervene but he has no backbone and, as our therapist says, “there are no boundaries in their family.”
Can anyone help? I’m really so done with this situation!
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Advice
8 Responses to “Yearly vacation with MIL, ugh!”
Ok you and your hubby are already in therapy. That point is covered. Since you KNOW your hubby hasn’t a spine and can’t handle this subject….you are going to have to step up and do it yourself. Get on whatever travel site you prefer and book a trip to Disneyland or World for your kids, hubby and you. Let him know it is set in stone. Then DO NOT tell the in-laws your final plans….just tell them you’re doing something different this year and won’t be attending the annual extended family crapfest.
Your MIL has stated to you she doesn’t think she can “forgive and forget” last years blow up….time you told her you frankly don’t give a rat’s patootie if she does. You are tired of HER garbage. Go for the gusto and shed the shackles of guilt….MIL has to grow up sometime and when better than this year for your vacation?
Thanks louise-I couldnt have said it better myself.
I am even offering to cook you dinner and I just so happen to be a chef. How can you possibly pass this up?
And to help your situation out Ellen, I would like to donate my 1 season pass to Disneyland the week you are are here on your family vacation. You can pick it up when you get here, since I live on the same street as Disneyland & got the sweet hookups.
Your husband wont mind-he wont be mad at you when you are at the “happiest place on earth”.
I agree with the above advice! Plan your own vacation and after it is done you should let the MIL know you can’t get over ALL the years blow ups and you will be vacationing alone with your hubby. She can not force you to go and she can not force hubby to either. You both choose to go whether you like it or not. Now you must choose not to go. Do not let guilt or manipulating sway your decision. Good Luck
I’m with Louise. Clearly your husband has a ways to go before he’s able to stand up to his parents and therapy isn’t going to change that immediately. While it would be a great show of support and growth for him to put his foot down and plan a family vacation without his parents, it may not be possible for him yet (though hopefully he’s been able to make some gesture in this direction – even just agreeing that vacationing with his family is a bad idea is a step forward).
Go book your vacation! Do something wonderful and tell the in-laws at the last minute that your plans are set (but be very VAGUE about them – no hotel names – in fact, you don’t have to tell them where you’re going at all!) and that after last year, you don’t feel like being the outcast on your only vacation. They don’t need more of an explanation than that.
This is my first year of marriage, and I also have married into the “family vacation for everyone!” clan, complete with the controlling and manipulative MIL who runs the show about the whole thing. On the first (and hopefully last!) vacation I attended with them, I was apparently “too selfish” with my own husband, according to MIL, because we took an hour to go shopping without the whole damn family in tow. My DH told her that we liked our privacy, and she screeched, “The point of family vacations is to be together 24/7! That’s what makes them fun! If you don’t like it maybe you shouldn’t come!!” So now we have a reason to not show up ever again.
But you don’t need to pray for that kind of luck- you are a free human being, not some slave to your MIL. Why is it fair for you to stress out on your vacations, just because that’s the tradition? Poo! What’s better for your kids, a vacation suited for just the family, or witnessing their mom get all stressed and miserable because MIL is a monster? Stand firm, to your MIL and your husband, if he has any objections. But clearly, boundaries do need to be set, and you are in charge of your life and your happiness. Don’t let anyone take that from you!
Everyone always says respect your elders….Well let them have a monster in law..Well if she can’t forgive and forget why go when you know she will just be even worse than normal. Go somewhere else as to avoid the drama and then maybe she will calm down enough to have a civil visit later. Maybe she can come visit you and your family instead of it always being on her terms. Or everybody could go to Disney and then every body could do what ever and just meet for dinner…Good luck, I know you need it.
Either do like Louise said and book a vacation for Disneyland/World or just tell hubby you are going somewhere alone for the week and he can take himself and the kiddies to visit Mummy.Vote with your FEET.There is no way I would let a crunchy,crabby,crusty,musty,creepy Mean Old Bat tell me what to do on my d*mned vacation.P*ss on her.I mean really,who nominated Queen B*tch as the leader of your Universe???? Mummy is a Monopolizer,to say the least.
Mummy walks all overDear Sonny Boy (Your Husband)-He lets her walk all over him and YOU TOO.Stop this madness by putting a stop to her.
It will be a freeing sensaton for you to just opt out of her sh*t.Why not make it a yearly Opt Out? Go on vacation yourself to celebrate Opting Out.
Get yourself a T Shirt Printed with Opt Out Week 2010 Myrtle Beach (or your chosen destination).Go clubbing.Do shots.Invite your friends along.Go to a spa.Relax in a hot tub.Swim.Shop.Eat.Catch rays.Gamble.Whatever,but just party it up and raise a glass to not being with the In Laws.Whoo Hoo!
One of my favorite quotes is: “Just because it is tradition doesn’t mean it is not incredibly stupid.”
Nobody should be able to rob you of the only vacation time you get a year. Tell Hubbs that you are planning the vacation this year as a FAMILY like other NORMAL family do and leave it to him to break the news to the troll. I would not speak to her at all about it. She is his problem, not yours. If he can’t bring himself to tell her, then you all can just not show up at the family thing and she can get the message that way.
There is NO WAY I’d allow my evil MIL that kind of control over my hard-earned PERSONAL time.
There is no “forgiving and forgetting” needed…only MOVING ON to greener pastures that do not include the silly old cow.