I am new to MIL hell, so bare with me… my story is this….. My MIL works for a dentist. She is a secretary only. My daughter needed to go for a consultation to a orthodontist, suggested by the dentist.
We go…… and the orthodontist is friends with MIL. Every visit the Orthodontist asks about her and as soon as we leave the office, calls my MIL and tells her about our visit. I get home and MIL calls me to do a recap of the orthodontist visit I just left from.
I get mad- tell my Husband, his way to resolve is to for HIM to take our daughter and keep me away from there. Then comes daughter # 2 that needs braces.
I have to take her because my husband got called away on business- i go in and we discuss the options if braces would work and i tell the orthodontist flat out, that i would have to go home and discuss with my husband the issues of cost and that i would get back with him.
I am literally only 1 step inside my house returning from the consultation-when the phone rings- its the MIL. Her FRIEND the orthodontist called her and told her my dilemma about payment and the TWO of them arranged my payments. My MIL called me to tell me HOW much I was to pay per month, for how long…… R U KIDDING ME?
Talk about unethical——- what ever happened to patient / doctor priveldge? I refuse to go back to that orthodontist and my MIL said “oh, its no big deal!”
What do you think?
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Advice
13 Responses to “None of your buisness”
Wow — that does sound annoying. But if the orthodontist does good work and you trust him as a medical professional, I wouldn’t dump him without at least telling him why you feel what he did was inappropriate. And ask him (nicely, since he probably thinks his discussing your kids’ care with MIL is okay with you) to keep everything about their appointment 100% confidential.
I think you should call the ortho and let him know you will be reporting HIM to the ADA and then do so. Then I’d be talking to your MIL’s boss too….no telling what she is telling others about his clients.
Yep you are 100% right. It is WAY unethical and he could get in lots of trouble.
Going to another orthodontist is a good idea but if I were you I would first go curse out the other one. Tell him how you feel and that what he did was innappropriate. You might be a little more polite that me, but I have a nasty temper. Sometimes it feels good to rip someone apart. Do it!
This isn’t just unethical, it is illegal. Horribly illegal! I’m shocked that a medical professional would be this bold in breaching your family’s privacy – it’s beyond the lines of anything I’ve heard before.
You have a number of options here. This orthodontist is breaking the law, even though your MIL is technically your daughter’s “family.” You can report them to the ADA, which has an ethics division. Technically, this is medical malpractice, but since no real harm was done it would be a ridiculous use of legal resources to sue. However, it might be useful to threaten these actions, so that it never happens again, to anyone.
As for your MIL, you need to express to your husband how angry you are and have him tell his mother that she has crossed the line. Then I would have him tell her that you’re considering having this orthodontist sanctioned. Even if you don’t take action against this person, it would still be useful to put a scare into both of them.
I have to agree with the second comment. This is privilledge medical information & your MIL knows better – or should.
Have you actually told her how you feel about this or are you keeping it inside? Have you flat out told her that it is none of her business? If not then you need to do that.
You also need to tell the orthodontist that you will report him/her if it gets back to you that he/she has been spouting off at the mouth to MIL again. Remind him/her that MIL is not the patient nor the parent & therefore does not get any information.
If you don’t want to stand up for yourself or your child on this then the only thing you can do is find another orthodontist. Do NOT have your current dentist (MIL’s employer) make the recomendation.
You should never have gone to that orthodontist to begin with. File this under YOUR FAULT/lesson learned. File a complaint against the idiot orthodontist who has NO BUSINESS discussing this with anyone other than you and your husband.
Frankly, when the old bat called, I would have thanked her for paying for ALL of the costs as she is so interested in the situation she certainly feels it her DUTY to do that as well!
Remember, these old bats must be managed, and it is your job to do that by suppling the crone with little to zero information about you or your family.
Oh, and your story kind of reminds me of when my meddlesome MIL tried to get me to go to her hair stylist. Yeah, not a chance!
The Dr. may have no idea how uncomfortable the situation is. My MIL worked for a Ped. doctor for years. All the grandkids saw this doc. He discussed the kids with other family members because he thought everyone was comfortable with it. MIL got into my business because she answered the phones at the office. If I would call to make an appt because my son was sick, she would try to discourage me like I was just being paranoid.
I finally had a talk with the doc in private. I told him that I might have to find another doctor if MIL continued to discourage me from bringing in my son. He must of had a talk with her because after that she never said a word to me again. Your doctor does not want to risk his practice over something like this. He probably has no idea how meddling your MIL is. Have a talk with him if you really want him to treat your daughters, if not then find another.
Review any papers you signed when you signed your daughter up for service. Look for confidentiality info-release forms. HIPAA?
Tell the orthodontist not to share your medical or financial information with anyone. Report the orthodonist to his AAO (www.braces.org).
Not sure why you expected your husband to do this for you. Its not his, or his mother’s fault, that you continue to do business with an known unethical provider.
Wow, i am overwhelmed with all of these responses…. thank you all, It is hard to write just a little and recap, when so much is surrounding the issue..
The other part of this story is that this Ortho. visit happened 2 years ago (WTH?- for most, it would be all done and gone, but my MIL just didn’t get it. It was no big deal)- but it had resurfaced recently because i told my girlfriend who called me to ask me who i took my daughter to for braces. I politely explained that i WOULD NEVER go back to that doctor again for the reason listed in this story. Later, about a week later we were on facebook and my girlfriend posted a message to her FB friends asking about who they recommended for an orthodontist and about 20-25 people replied about who to go to and not go to and why. SO i posted mine as well. Mind you – 1 of about 25 comments.
My SIL (my ex friend on FB) printed out MY blurb only and gave it to my IL’s- knowing full well my MIL hates me. 2 months go by and i have attended family gatherings and no one would talk to me…. wouldn’t say why, but the IL’s and the SIL won’t speak. Finally – my FIL tells my husband about this FB blurb and they want to come over and talk with me- now after 2 months of treating me like shit (more so than normal)for no reason that i was aware of and not having the courtesy of getting my side to anything, The meeting occured.
Now, to me- My orthodontist visit is MY business- to my MIL it was NO big deal. They come over and before i get to sit in a seat, my MIL stands up puts her finger in my face and says ” your a liar” why did you say this about Dr. “Paycheck”. I was shocked…….. this woman called me a LIAR….. are you kidding me? My husband told MIL, “no mom, i talked to you about this right after it happened because we were upset and you said it was NO BIG DEAL”. MIL recants the “your a liar” now that her baby has spoke and said- “well i don’t remember”.. Of course she doesn’t it was 2 darn years ago woman- we ALL moved on……
I told her it was ” NOT ABOUT YOU”, and she said It was her business when i said that the Dr. was her FRIEND. Which he is……… but this was about ME and DR.”Paycheck”. She couldn’t grasp this at all- it HAD to be about her!!!
I told her if you’re looking for something negative about someone, you will find it…….. and so she did. So i did say something to her, once the “i’ve got a secret” was over. But i am never afforded the opportunity to give my side. I am a truthful, no nonsense strong woman….. the very reason she hates me.
Sorry for the long windedness….. this is such a heart wrenching situation. The woman can NOT let go of anything, and brings this up over and over and over…. i’m starting to obsess now, it consumes my thoughts now. I am not a bad person, but why do i feel like crap from what THEY did?
Things will go a lot better for you if you grow the thick DIL skin. You can’t care what the crone MIL says or does. If she knows you don’t care what she says or does, then she has no power over you.
If she wasn’t taling to me and the family was shunning me, I would act like my happy self and not let it bother me one bit. That would drive the MIL crazy. And if she had wanted a stupid meeting to discuss this nonsense, I would have said it was water under the bridge, I was entitled to my opinion about her “friend” the orthodontist and if she wanted to harbor petty grudges about useless things, then she could very well keep that to herself.
You always have a chance to talk if you don’t let these women steamroller you. Just let them sit there, ranting and raving until they run out of steam. Then you can say your piece. When my in-laws pull something stupid like this, I simply tell them the subject is closed, I refuse to argue with them about something petty and I am not going to beat a dead horse — and if they want to do so, then they can go home and do it all they want without my involvement.
The in-laws can’t pull you into anything unless YOU let it happen. With practice, this rude behavior of theirs will stop — when YOU put a stop to it. Good luck!
Ahh the ‘you are a lier/i don’t rememeber’ line just makes my blood boil! I have confronted my MIL a few times and gotten this. I have learned to call her on ALL of her ‘inappropriate behavior as soon as it happens. This gives me great relief and it may work for you as well. Good luck.
Potters Wife provides excellent advice. My MIL has told some real whoppers and she conveniently “forgets” unless her transgressions are immediately pointed out. Even then, she will lie and say she did not say something when several people were there to hear what she did say. She is a special kind of crazy indeed.
I feel the same as Potter Wife. I have been there toooo many times. The worse case was when I tried to work things out with my MIL. She told me how much she didn’t like me, called me a b*t$h, but said the only thing she did like about me was that I was a good mother. LIKE all of that was supposed to make me think things were better?? LMFAO.. well needless to say that one night DH and BIL were drinking and he let this coversation slip to BIL because BIL’s new GF felt disrespected. STUPID on DH’s part.. because BIL runnnnnns to mommy dearest and tells her.. what happened next you ask?
MIL confronted me infront of my hubby and said “I never said that”! .. too which I respond “Oh, yes you did” and hubby agreed. She replies with “Well I do not remember that, but if you think I did than I am sorry”… LMFAO what kind of apology is that? Like I am making the whollleee thing up and only I think it ever happened.. and she has no recollection whatsoever of the incident..
Potter Wife is correct.. call her on it when it happens. I wish I would have as opposed to crying after my “hope we can get along” phone call. That way she cannot run to the old I don’t remember and Your lying.
Am I the only who thinks that These are the sorts of situations that make us wish we carried around a voice recorder everyday??? If they are making you feel as though you are breaking up the beetles, just remember you are not crazy!! Stay strong!!
*Hugs underthebus*