My clingy MIL drives me crazy!
by WannabeAloofDIL on 02/08 @ 3:13pmMy MIL is very controlling and clingy, and it makes me insane.
First she basically dictated how my wedding should be. She told a ton of her friends they were invited without even consulting me, threw me a surprise bridal shower (that she invited only her friends to) after I specifically stated I did not want one, and basically pestered me non-stop until the actual day. I know, in hindsight I should have put my foot down and done things my way, but this was before I knew how manipulative she is. I wanted her to like me and since I knew she was giving us a very generous gift as a wedding present, I felt like I owed it to her or something. So instead of my small, intimate, non-traditional get together, I had her dream wedding.
And it’s not getting any better. She’s constantly emailing me (despite the fact that I never respond) these inane SPAM like messages and she always wants to get together. The way I’m explaining it makes it seem like she’s just friendly, but trust me; it’s more than that. She makes little comments and things that drive me up the wall. And she gets crazy excited about everything! I’m a really chill person, and her perpetual mindless chatter about every little thing…gah.
So basically I just wanted to vent about how my annoying MIL stole my wedding day thunder and now continues to be a constant pestering presence in my life. And my new husband is such a mama’s boy, I never bring up his mother because I know he’d freak out! Example; when I discussed our wedding invitation list with him and suggested we not invite all of his mother’s 3810497 chirpy little friends, he went on and on about how it would “hurt her feelings.” Never mind my feelings!
But at least I’ve discovered a forum of other women who are suffering with me! DILs unite!
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Advice
5 Responses to “My clingy MIL drives me crazy!”
Hi !
I had to develop a way to handle my evil MIL. She pretended to be “peppy and nice” as a disguise for “vindictive and manipulative”. Even when she seemed nice on the surface, I could tell it was fake and it made me sick. My MIL is obsessed with me and is super-jealous.
You need to roll the burden of your MIL onto your hubby. When he gets tired of her antics, her BS will stop. Let him visit with her, and remove yourself from her toxic presence. Find something to do in the other room, even if it is reading a book on the toilet. Just quietly go away.
I would just delete all the from her emails right away. Don’t even look at them. Maybe get a new email address just for your friends. Don’t answer the phone or the door either. She can call or email your hubby. If she comes over and your hubby is not home, make sure your doors are locked and go take a shower. Then tell your hubby that you didn’t hear her knocking or the phone ringing.
Since you know what her game is, you can have fun pissing her off. If she says a pissy little comment to you, repeat it loudly so your hubby can hear it. Then add a friendly sounding comment that will make her mad. Example; If she hints that you are getting fat, then I would say something like “What did you say, oh you said I am getting fat. I guess that makes two of us, because you look pretty big in the backside. I guess we both need to cut down on the snacks. I can help out by not offering you food or drink when you visit.” Later you may have to give her a fake apology, make sure it makes her mad too. Making her mad can be super-fun. I really love making my MIL mad, I act dumb and loud and she gets so mad that she gives herself diarrhea. Revenge is so sweet!
I agree ticking the MIL off is fun but this tactic does not work. I do the same thing when my MIL calls I do not answer then I even delete the missed call so hubby won’t call back…Then when she says I tried to call I always say I didn’t get the call and make a show of showing him the caller ID on the house phone and my cell phone. He chills for a minute but in the end always takes her side, well not really side but you know she’s old we gotta give her a break she means well crap…I always just look at my plate when we eat with them and have very little to say on anything as my in laws repeat everything you say and do to everybody…Like what we cooked for dinner the night before…Anyway, I understand about the fake act too but I just act just as fake back. Oh you look lovely today…Is that new lipstick other than that I stay the hell away and don’t speak and if we have to stay at her house for any extended time I get sick and stay in another room or don’t go. Act deaf when she talks to you like you are watching TV or reading and she goes away eventually
haha, yes acting innocent and pissing MIL off can be a kind of fun way to deal with her.
HOWEVER, when you get to the point where you are deleting phone calls from her so that your husband doesnt’ know…. it stops being so funny because all of a sudden you are that dreaded DIL who controls husband and makes him cut off his family.
YOU don’t have to pick up the phone – but don’t try to influence the relationship your husband has with his mother… you will just get shat on in the process. Let him call her back and put up with all her BS. If he doens’t feel like it, that’s HIS decision. And then they can’t blame it on you. When accused (because you will be), pull the happy, innocent act “Oh, I would never DREAM of trying to tell hubby what kind of relationship he should have with his own family… if you have a problem, you should talk to HIM about it…la la la” . Sometimes men put up with their difficult mothers, because they know they can use their wifes as a buffer and scapegoat. DON’T LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT!
Tell Sonny Boy that if he is afraid to hurt the MIL’s feelings, then he needs to step aside so YOU can. The longer you let MIL continue this behavior, the worse she is going to get.
If Sonny Boy loves Mumsey Wumsey more than you, then SHE is his wife, not you. Step aside and let him have sex with her.
My MIL took over our wedding plans too. Now she tries to control everything with her first grandchild. Beware the future.