Hi
I am new to this site …but find it very refreshing that there are others out there who understand the kind of heartache I am going through. It’s not so much misery loves company …but to be understood.
I am in the process of planning a wedding for next May in FL (about 3 hours from where MIL lives) …it has been hell ever since we’ve gotten engaged and actually even before. …From FMIL sleeping at the foot of our bed, to screaming in a foreign language (MIL is Cuban …I’m not) at me over Christmas one year because I flushed a toilet and it flooded (and no ..it wasn’t even #2) to having her tell me I am suppose to clean, cook, and iron clothes for my SIGNIFICANT other …to the many ENDLESS episodes that have occured and continue to occur (now daily since engaged) …
My question is not so much how to deal with the monster in law anymore. …but it’s on how to deal with the son …who still refuses to detach his momma’s nipple???
I find myself in a worse off situation …as my (now husband as we ended up eloping 12/31/09 for reasons that I thought was to have “our moment” (w/o family issues and mounting wedding stress) …but now think was for tax reasons ….
So ever since we eloped (and by the way …still planning this stupid wedding in May) …his mother has basically been the center of attention and at the forefront of all our “discussions”. He continually calls his mother behind my back and has private conversations with her. She would like to have this wedding in May (more or less) be HER wedding. ..she calls several times a day …wants to know the colors, the dresses, the flowers, every single detail …but it’s more than that because she wants this all to be “her way” ….I am honestly starting to care less about the stupid colors …and am so dis-enchanted with weddings …and worse ..being MARRIED!!!!! It has been hell!!!!!!!!
I would be able to deal with the MIL better if my hubby would take a stand …or at least stick up for me. However, he doesn’t …and he SAYS her behavior is wrong ..however, his ACTIONS encourage it.
So…my question is not how to deal with the mother …but the mother’s boy!!!!! PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Advice
8 Responses to “Momma’s Boy”
Dang! If you are already married…put your foot down and stop planning another one. If you really have to get your husband’s attention on how HIS actions are affecting you….grab those family jewels VERY FIRMLY to get his attention….then proceed to tell him how his life has changed. (Don’t let go until you are finished with your discussion)
I cant answer that becuase I have not figured that one out myself.
But congrats on eloping! Best idea I have heard so far.
If I were you I would call off the wedding nightmare. Absolutly refuse to go any further until your man sticks up for you. That’s it. Show the both of them NOW that you are not going to put up with her BS. Because believe me, it will only get worse. Can you imagine having kids? haha-youre screwed!
I am not saying NEVER have the weddding. Just cancel it till they listen to you. Counseling could really help you guys too.
Since you two are already married, let her have the wedding…just don’t show up
Hi Kris!
I eloped with my husband and didn’t have a fancy wedding at all. My psycho mom was really pissed! I’m glad I did, It was worth it to just do it our way. In 30 years, I have never regretted our simple wedding.
I would just not do the fancy second wedding at all, you are all ready married. You can have a laugh when your MIL is all disappointed. If she wants to be the special princess, she can host her own party. Hopefully your hubby will get tired of his mom someday and learn to say NO. You may be doing him a favor by canceling the second wedding, since she will have to think of something new to obsess on. She sounds crazy, ignore her and enjoy living your life just the way you want to. I hope she gets an ulcer worrying about stupid stuff that is not her business!
Oh man, I am sooooo bad! Plan the wedding. Then on the wedding day, hand the boquet to the old troll and tell MIL it is her wedding and SHE can marry her son. Then walk out. You get the last laugh. If Sonny Boy runs after you all concerned, inform him that this is the LAST time Mumsey Wumsey is meddling in your business and if he does not go in and correct MIL, then you are immediately serving him with divorce papers so he will be free to marry the love of his life.
You married this man already. You don’t need a wedding.
Instead of planning some MIL craptacular, please invest the fun money in something you desperately NEED – marriage counseling.
If you don’t, your marriage will last exactly as long as you can tolerate being “married” to a man who already has a wife.
I’ve been dealing with a momma’s boy for 10 years, so I have no idea what you should do to get him to change his ways. My suggestion in regards to the MIL is to forget the whole second wedding all together. You’re already married, so save your money and all the headaches. Have a big party, wear jeans, really piss of MIL by raining on her parade, and at the same time send a clear message about who wears the heels in your family! If you start your marriage off by letting this woman get the upper hand it will only get worse. Trust me, I speak from experience! Another piece of advice: get these issues resolved before you start a family because when kids come into the equation MIL will go from everyday bitch to superbitch and all the problems between you and your man will multipy times ten!
Annul the thing and get the h e double l out of there. Really, I mean it. Life is too short to live like that. I am 47 and this comes from experience. He will not change and the more you try to change him the more he will resent it. Save yourself now from years of grief and neglect. Get a real man!!! I know this sounds rough. Take Care.