We just down sized from a 3300sq foot home to a 2200sq ft home. My MIL says this is my sons; that is my sons. We have our own furniture in our own style and (I) do not want this stuff. She insists saying you have plenty of room; it can go there. This infuriates me. How dare she. One of the pieces is a huge handmade pine china cabinet that her deceased husband made. I already have a huge china cabinet that I love and my DH and I chose together. Why doesn’t she give to my husband Men things that belonged to his Dad. She wants to give us Dolls and furniture that we have no room. I lived with hodge podge furniture for too long. What is wrong with her?
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9 Responses to “MIL Imposing her handmedowns”
She sounds just like my MIL, except my MIL was even weirder about what she tried to give us – ex. pillowcases from my husband’s bed when he was a child! I don’t know if it’s a way of inserting herself and her family history into your home or if she just doesn’t have room and doesn’t want to get rid of mementos (probably a bit of both), but it’s very annoying.
The only thing you can do it decline the merchandise and when she says you have more than enough room, stand your ground and tell her you don’t want extra stuff to store and you prefer not to have a lot of items in your house (make a claim for a minimalist design style). (You could also just jump right to “I don’t want other people decorating my new house.”) If she persists, you just have to look at her and say “no, you’re going to have to keep that at your house.” I’ve had to do this in the past, and despite her beastly nature, my MIL couldn’t do anything but say “ok.” She might go off and pout, but that’s your husband’s problem.
It is easy, she is marking her territory.
What does your DH think about this? *He* needs to tell her that you do not need any furniture and stop the charade.
If she still gives it to you, as it is a present, it now belongs to you (you and your DH), please feel free to donate it or sell it.
She sounds like a hoarder and would freak out if she had to get rid of anything.
If your husband isnt going to stop her, throw it all away. You could either lie and say it is in a “storage garage” somewhere…or you could just tell her the truth. And when she gets all mad say, “well, you wouldnt listen, I dont want your trash”. Be a jerk. Go ahead. It feels good sometimes.
HMMMMM ! Maybe she can’t bear to throw stuff away, so she is just moving her treasures to your house. I would practice saying the word NO in a lot louder voice. It would be better if your husband said NO to her. He can speak up and select some of his dad’s stuff, and say no to the clutter items.
My imagination wanders a bit here, thinking up goofy things…Maybe she is trying to put reminders of herself all over your house, so you won’t forget about her when she dies too. In that case, I would just get a nice family portrait with her in it. At least it would take up less room, and you can take it down later. Maybe she is pushing her nose into your life, so you think about her every time you see her stuff. You could always sell the extra stuff on ebay, or donate it to charity. Maybe there is a cousin or nephew that would appreciate some of her stuff, rather than all of it coming to your home. Her junk is on the move, so just give it a little push to help it on it’s way to where it is actually needed.
My MIL and my mom both used to give me the worst junk, it really bugged me. So I would “loose” it when we moved. I gave away a lot of it, some stuff I just threw into the neighbor’s yard for their big dog to chew up. Some of the stuff that I really hated, became another person’s treasure. When she asked about it later, I pretended that I didn’t remember getting it at all, which made her all frustrated. Ha HAAA !!
First, I had my DH tell my MIL that “I didn’t have room for it since we downsized.” If she kept insisting to give us her ugly 1980’s decor that didn’t match mine, I would put it on Craigslist in the free section or donate it. People will take anything for free. When she asked where it was, I would tell her that it broke, dog peed on it, spilled paint on it, ect. and I had to throw it out. She finally quit giving us her hand me downs. LOL.
Tell the old bat that anything she gives you will immediately be listed on eBay, Craigslist or go to a consignment shop. Then follow through when she donates anything to you. I recently made $750 on my evil MIL’s crap stuff. One person’s trash is another’s treasure. It is time for you to cash in!
They don’t have re-sale shops or dumpsters where you live?
You are free to do with gifts given to you, as you choose.
If they are not gifts, and instead she wants to store furniture at your home, kindly give her the number of a local storage space facility.
Remember that she probably means well. Try to give her the benefit of the doubt. People have a hard time getting rid of their deceased loved one’s belongings. Talk it over with hubby and have him choose a few special things from his father that the two of you would like to have in your home. Then, have him explain to her that you both appreciate her thoughtfulness and generosity. But that, due to the downsizing, you only have space for a few very special things. Tell her what the items are and how much it would mean to you to have them in your home. That way if she tries to give you more things later on, you can remind her of the conversation about quality versus quantity.
I appreciate all of the comments. Dh was present when all of this went down. All he did was sigh. I have not had the “conversation” with him just yet. “She” upsets him as well. He stated to me one day that “I wish we could be like animals-as soon as we are off the tit we go out on our own and never has contact again with the “parents”. She caused them (him and his siblings) grief the whole time they were growing up. I think the only reason he goes around her is obligation. Will Keep you updated….thanks