In-laws Avoiding our home like the plague. (Stealing holidays & events)
by Ta on 02/03 @ 3:04pmThe in-laws never want to come over to our house! My fiance and I have had our house for over a year and so far, they’ve only been here for dinner once and that was the first month we moved in.
We’ve tried inviting them over for dinner, watching football games, pizza and don’t even get me started on the holidays. The holidays, I tried to contribute… but MIL had everything planned down to a tee. All we could contribute was soda and wine. It’s more FIL than MIL. He always finds an excuse to not come over here. If we invite them over for dinner, he’ll say “sure, we can have it at our place.” Umm.. excuse me, WE invited them to OUR house. They constantly expect us to go over to their house. They invite us for dinner at least twice per month and if we don’t go (which we’ve started declining invitations) we’re the bad guys.
Now, I’m upset because they invited us over for Superbowl Sunday a few weeks ago, and my fiance said, “We can host it at our house, because we have a 55in flat screen and you guys only have a 32in tube.” FIL Said, “No, that’s alright. We can have Superbowl Sunday here.” We spoke to MIL and asked her if she’d be alright having it here and she said “sure, of course.” Then, last week… FIL decided to invite 4 relatives (his sister, brother in-law and their adult children) to Superbowl party.
He knows that we have a very small living room and that we would only be able to fit 4 people comfortably… not 8. MIL calls fiance and tells him “Looks like we’re having Superbowl here… Dad invited Lauren and the family. ” We both know that he did this on purpose. I think he doesn’t want to come here because he can’t let go of the fact that his son no longer lives with them. He moved straight out of their house, into our house. So, he lived there for 24 years.
I’m very upset and almost feel like we shouldn’t attend because they keep sweeping “hosting events” from under us. We would also like to start our own holiday traditions, but the in laws are so hostile about everything I don’t see that happening for at least 5 years.
What do we do? What do you think? Why do they avoid our house like the plague? I’m very upset right now, being that we’re only a few days away from Superbowl and I had everything planned out and now it’s gone to crap!
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Advice
10 Responses to “In-laws Avoiding our home like the plague. (Stealing holidays & events)”
Stop trying to get your idiot FIL into your home. Make your plans and if they don’t show up….meh, they don’t. Stop going over there for a period of time….nada, zip, nothing, no way.
Count your blessings!
So, you inivite your ILs to your house, they refuse to attend and they want to change the location of the party. So now, there are two parties, yours and theirs. Feel free to tell your ILs: ‘have fun, we will not be able to attend’ and stay home.
I would stop inviting them as well, if they ever would like to visit your house, they should bring it up. You have tried your best, that is all you can do.
Oh please, you are lucky. So many women on this site would be GLAD if their in-laws didnt come over.
And you dont have to clean up messes either. Have your own party and chill TFO!
Thanks for your reply Louise. I understand where you’re coming from and that’s what we’re planning on doing. I think it’s a bit more difficult than most situations because they live only a 2 minute drive away. In fact, if they wanted to… they could walk to our house in under 10 minutes.
Do you (or anyone else for that matter) have any theories as to why he’s being so irrational and hogging every event that shows up on the calendar? I spoke to FI and we’re going away for the holidays this year, meaning that we are NOT doing it their way. I’m sick of trying to keep the peace.
Hi Ta !
Well, if they don’t want to party at your place, I would invite somebody else to your house. You can invite friends or the younger relatives over and really have fun. And the party doesn’t have to be on the holidays either, make up your own hosting events. The parents sound controlling and boring, so I would plan parties that lean towards young and fun.
I’d be thankful if my IL’s didn’t want to come to my home! LOL…
What a pair of twits your IL’s are. They decline your invites left right & center yet they get pissy if you don’t attend all their events?
Start your own traditions with your DH & keep declining those invites!
Start making your OWN plans with other people so you are not obligated to spend as much time at the in-laws’ houwe .The same goes for holiday events. “So sorry, we have something else planned for that day. You are welcome to come over, of course.”
If they do, fine. If they don’t fine. Frankly, I wish I had YOUR problem. I have to try and pry the troll in-laws out of my house! They are always whining about coming over MORE! Then when they do, they are rude, pushy and obnoxious. And these are their good traits. Consider yourself lucky! Really lucky!
And UNINVITE any people they invite. That is just plain tacky.
It seems they’ve cancelled their RSVP to your Superbowl invite. Buy less beer. If they call again to invite you to their house, act confused, say you thought they knew you were watching the Superbowl on your 55″. Tell them sorry they cancelled on coming, but you’ll see them next time.
Please look in the mirror and say “I am under no obligation to go over someone’s house every time they invite me.”
Who gets to make you this “bad guy”? The fools cancel on you, to throw their own party? Make them the “bad guy.”
Invite them over. FIL always says “you can come here” because when he does, you keep showing up! When someone says they won’t be coming for dinner, say “So sorry you won’t be able to join us.” If they invite in return, a very happy-sounding “Oh, no, that’s ok” and change the subject.
Do not let any boors manipulate you into doing what they want. It is not rude to decline invitations. YOU have the power to say “Sorry you’re won’t be coming here” and “No thank you.”
P.S. If DH is afraid of disappointing his mommy and daddy, and he pressures you to do the same, this will be a DH problem, not an IL problem.
The next time they try to manipulate you just make plans without them.Invite our friends over.Tell your inlaws how much fun you had with your friends visiting and stop inviting these people.Like someone else here said,you don’t know how lucky you are.You don’t have to worry about being a good hostess or even worry that they will like what you are serving or criticize you later for anything,because the inlaws are NOT coming over all the time and or uninvited.You don’t have to put up with them in YOUR house on YOUR turf.You don’t have to clean up after them,clean before they come over or worry that they will criticize your cleanliness of your house.Now,go do a victory dance!
Start your own holiday/family traditions now. Plan your parties, extend an invitation to your in-laws and if your FIL wants to be in his son’s life he’ll come around. Either way, you will subtly let your FIL know that his lack of relationship with his son is his own fault.