Mother-in-Law HELL

Ive known my future husband (we’ll call him fh) for about 2 years now and literally have had problems with his STEP mother from the beginning! His biological mother and I get along perfectly well, but when it comes to dealing with this woman, I simply throw my hands up! The major issue is, that my fmil is in love with my fh’s ex wife! They call each other, they chat, they email, you name it! This isnt all “for the sake of her grandchildren” either. I am completely accepting of the fact that she wants to still maintain a relationship with her sons ex-wife, but I feel that I have been disrespected TOO many times for the sake of the ex! Case In Point: My fH’s exwife was recently invited to a family function, having abslutely NOTHING to do w. the children, and i have to patiently sit aside, as an outsider, while fmil, fsil and the rest of fh’s family takes family photos with the EX! Fmil does NOT call to check on the child that fh and i have together –EVER! And Im told that she doesnt feel welcome in OUR house –what?!! Ive tried everything, including keeping my mouth shut, to please this woman, whom I know my fh loves dearly! It finally came to the point where I said what I had to say (choice words included). I tried many times to get my point across to fmil, that my feelings are hurt, and I feel excluded from family due to the “obsession over the ex” and im told to “get over it”. I dont feel I should be treated as the “bad one” but constantly hear how I dont treat her son and grandchildren appropriately, which ISNT true! I realize there are just some people in this world that you cannot please, and that sometimes there are personality clashes, but this is causing issues within our relationship and all advice would be extremely helpful! ps- talking with fmil doesnt seem to help much bc im “yah yahing and whining”!