Top Ten Mistakes MIL’s Make that can Forever Ruin a Relationship with a DIL
by Dear God Let Me Always Stay Anonymous on 01/29 @ 3:17pmFrom talking with Girlfriends who are Daughter-in-Laws (DIL’s), these are the TOP TEN Mistakes Mother-in-Law’s (MIL’s) Make
1. Criticizing the DIL’s House Cleaning (Directly or Indirectly):
2. Criticizing the DIL’s Appearance (weight, new hair cut, clothes, etc.)
3. Giving Shallow Gifts to DIL or DIL’s children: (used items, items that don’t fit, useless items, out of season items, unused items/old gifts from your own house, cheap gifts when others receive expensive gifts, etc.)
4. Showing Preference or Favoritism for One DIL or Grandchild(ren) over another
5. Badmouthing the DIL to other family members or allowing other family members to badmouth the DIL. Big “No No”: Badmouthing DIL in front of DIL’s own children; you’ll quickly lose all “grandchild visitation rights”
6. Telling your DIL how to parent, cook, clean, etc. If she didn’t ask for the advice, don’t give it. She has her own mother and friends to offer help; your advice will most likely come across as an insult.
7.Not offering positive feedback or encouraging remarks toward DIL when she does something well (she will have successful moments; believe it or not!)
8. Disrespecting DIL and Son’s “Need for Space”: Don’t show up invited, stay longer than you’re welcome, or purposefully call at inappropriate times (honeymoon, early Saturday mornings, date night evenings, etc.)
9. Purposefully failing to recognize the DIL’s traits in grandchildren (ex. This baby is all John; is this even your baby, Sara?) OR purposefully making statements that imply/hint that the baby isn’t your son’s..even as a joke, it’s not a laughing matter (”Looking at this baby, you would never even know John’s the father!”- You just implied that your DIL had an affair!)
10. Acting anything other than the most proud, approving, and appreciative MIL on the wedding day; fake it if you have to. This is your DIL’s “day” that she has dreamed of since a child. If you do anything to spoil it or attract attention to you, it will forever remain a “scarred” memory in your DIL’s memory bank.
There’s a saying, “A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life.” There’s also a reason that God said “for this reason (marriage) a man shall LEAVE his parents and cleave to his wife.” If you see your son at holidays or are invited to your DIL’s house, be grateful for the opportunity, and the time that they’ve given to you. If you dislike your DIL, do you disapprove of her and want your son “back” enough that you would prefer he get divorced? Is it worth having your son back at Christmas if his heart is broken and family torn apart? This may seem like an over exaggeration, but 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. Marriage is hard enough with life’s obstacles (finances, jobs, raising children, miscarriages, etc.); your DIL and son do not need you to add any extra cracks in the foundation of their marriage. Studies show that finances are the #1 stress in a marriage, but most wives will tell you that In-Law (specifically MIL) relationships are #1 on the “stress” list.
Now how do we DIL’s get this list to the MIL’s? 
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12 Responses to “Top Ten Mistakes MIL’s Make that can Forever Ruin a Relationship with a DIL”
wow, great list. My MIL does at least 5 out of the list. I love the one about the grandchildren not looking like the DIL. That one really nailed it for me. The whole time I was pregnant they constantly said things like “I hope the baby looks like a “Smith”. Kind of like I was the most horrible looking person they ever met. God forbid if the child got my looks.
Of course because my husband has dark features my son did end up looking just like my husband. My IL’s were thrilled! They constantly make comments about how my son is a “Smith” for sure. My son of course has some traits of mine but they chose to ignore it. Whateverrrr.
I especially like the one about badmouthing in front of DIL. My MIL secretly pulled my daughter, 12 years old, and decided to tell my daughter, how much she loved her son, but just couldn’t LOVE the DIL. My daughter wasn’t even in the door from their visit 10 seconds when she was about to cry when she told me what was said.
It goes too far, when they use the kids……
Hahaha!!! Beautiful! I’ll think I’ll print it and mail it to her!!
My H and I don’t have kids together, just my son from a previous marriage, so all but the ones about grandkids apply. The real stickler is number 10 though.
My MIL and SIL did such a great job of ruining everything about our wedding that my H and I had to have a vow renewal ceremony in the Carribean during our honeymoon just so I could have decent pictures, since there wasn’t even a photographer at our actual wedding. (partly H’s fault for not controlling the troll, but that’s another story!) We came home from our honeymoon to find new furniture stuffed in our house that mirrored my MIL’s. The witch was trying to decorate our house to look like hers! (Nevermind that prior to our marriage, both H and I owned our own houses, so we already had two houses full of furniture.) What a subtle way to tell me she hated my decorating, huh!? The furniture was promptly returned.
Thanks for the list!!! I enjoyed it.
This is a great list. Maybe Patricia should start a “MIL Resources” tab on the home page and put a quick top 10 list there for the dreadful MIL to view when visiting the site. Then, maybe, the MILs in question could figure out thier transgressions and rudeness for themselves.
Regarding the above list, my MIL refers to my chidlren as HER SON’s children with no reference to me at all. Alas, in he mind, I was only the lowly servant gril who gave BIRTH to the the babies, that’s all!
I would also like to add:
~Trying to kill the DIL while 6 months pregnant
~Trying to get either the husband or wife fired from thier jobs
~Peeing in the toilet in front of DIL
~Constantly asking for money or to move in
~Chain smoking newports
~Breaking in to DIL and son’s house
~Losing the $1 million inheritance
~Talking to dead people
mmm hmmm. I got problems.
I totally relate to number 4 and 5. My MIL favours the younger DIL like crazy in front of other people. She bad mouths me and her other DIL’s apart from the youngest one and she even gossips abt other DILs to the younger one. The youngest DIL is using the opportunity to ” DIVIDE AND RULE”.
Great List!
My MIL has badmouthed me to ANYONE who will listen! The funny part is that she tells everyone that I don’t care for my baby and that she’s “very underweight” She is absolutely Normal! Even her Dr. said so! What’s even more ridiculous she hasn’t seen my baby since she was 2 months old! (she’s 15 months now!)
And get this…When We were on our Honeymoon (In-laws offered to let us stay at their cabin in the Mountains) on our last day she comes barging in, drives an hour and half to get there and her reason for doing this? “Oh I needed to change the sheets..”
And then she almost ruined my wedding….and then after we were married she has constantly tried to break up my marriage.
And absolute kicker? Right after I had my daughter and brought her home from the hospital. MIL came over and tried to “SHOW” me how to breastfeed properly and held it over my head that I couldn’t breast feed my baby. She made it out like it was my fault that I couldn’t produce milk. And I had to feed my baby formula and apparently that wasn’t good enough for her….and complained about me using plastic bottles too. “Well SIL bfs her children, you can too.”
She drives me crazy….luckily I haven’t spoken to her since Dec.08
Yes, I agree this list should be put under a separate tab and be mailed to every new MIL. I hardly doubt that these MIL do any research before their children marry and they really should. Just think of all the literature we read and the counseling we attended before entering into our marriages. The MILs should be encouraged to do the same thing. Such would save alot of heartache and tears.
Well mine nails number one. She got pics done with her biological grandkids and didn’t want new step grandkids in it, and told my husband who confronted her to get over it. Doesn’t ever call, invite over, or do anything with her step grandkids. Their not blood you know.
Amen to #10! My MIL made my wedding day All About Her, and I still haven’t gotten over it, three months later!
My MIL has like 9 of those covered no joke she sux so bad…No 3 always at Christmas hubby will get like a leather jacket and I get a mesh laundry bag, no lie actual gifts, Oh then this other year he got really nice sunglasses and it is like she cleaned out the bathroom drawer and dumped into a gift bag for me, pocket sized kleenex, memo pad, mini nail file, a pen, Oh and lets not even get started about the traits section…Such a hag, they need to have a MIL convention and then we can stink bomb them…Can not stand being in the same room with this woman
#5 has happened to me. My MIL has twice lost it and started screaming at me in front of my kids. The worst time, my kids were in bed at her house (we were in the process of moving back to town and kids and I were going to stay with them while DH was closing on old house and while we waited to close on new house) and my son had been driving me nuts, so I was in with him having a talk. I called my DH and had him talk to our son. As soon as we hung up, my MIL burst into the room and started screaming like a banshee. She said I was a bad mom and wife, that I was ruining my son and my DH. She said I put too much pressure on my DH and he should divorce me. She said she should go to court and try to take my kids from me, that they’d be better with her. At first I tried to calm her down, so as not to wake my other 2 kids, but she just kept going. My son was crying and at some point my other 2 came in and were crying. My FIL had to hold my MIL back-she seemed to want to come at me. I yelled back at her. I grabbed my kids and headed for the door and my FIL locked it. My kids were in t-shirts and had no shoes on and I was shaking and had trouble getting the door unlocked. As I was trying to open it, I said some things back to her. Then I got the door open and ran to the car. My kids were saying “no, mommy”. They wanted to stay. In the car they told me I shouldn’t have yelled at Grandma. To this day, my kids look back at that and see me as the ‘bad guy’. I should have cut all communications with the inlaws after that, but I want my kids to keep their fantasy of perfect wonderful grandparents and it’s so hard to explain why they can’t see Grandma and Grandpa. The inlaws sure do have us by the ball, don’t they?