This is one of the more hurtful things my MIL has done. At my mother’s funeral, while greeting people coming in, she had my DH ask me if she could take communion. It was a catholic service and she is not catholic. I told him no – you can’t take communion in a catholic service if you are not catholic. Well of course this pissed her off. After we all sat down, with my DH sitting next to her and I’m with my sisters, my MIL, FIL,BIL,SIL and DH sat through the entire service – not getting up when the priest would say please stand (which happened several times). Then at the luncheon all the inlaws sat clear across the room. She managed to make my mother’s funeral all about her.
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8 Responses to “my mother’s funeral”
First and foremost I am VERY sorry for your loss.
I am a Christian and that is unacceptable!!! I bet you if you went to a service of her religion you would have to follow the same rules. If they can not learn to accept your religion then they should not be welcome, although we are not supposed to pass judgement on others as Catholics/Christians, I think all the ladies on this site would agree she is an exception.
You DH should have said something. Patricia (creator of MILH.com) says to pick and choose your battles, maybe this one would not be so bad to pick if you feel strongly about it…
Your MIL sounds very confused. You did not mention if she took communion anyway. Standing up and sitting down during Catholic services also is a part of Catholic worship. Frankly, when I go to my MIL’s Catholic funeral (it can’t be soon enough) I will not stand or kneel or whatever because I do not follow the Catholic faith. Of course, I would not march up and expect communion either.
Your husband should have explained to the old crone what would be going on beforehand during the funeral and instructed MIL on what her behavior would be. It was not your job to have to manage the troll during a very stressful, sad and emotional time in your life. I am very sorry for your loss and that you had to deal with this awful woman during the services.
I think your MIL just lacks some common sense. From the way it sounds, it seems as if your MIL assumed that since she was not to take communion since she is not catholic, she should not have to partake in the standing and sitting either. I don’t think it had to do with her trying to be hurtful. I could understand someone not catholic not participating in all the motions catholics do during service if they did not understand why they were doing it.
When I used to go to mass with my DH and MIL, I did not understand one bit why they were standing, kneeling, holding out their hands, etc. but I did it with them to be respectful of their religion.
However, if you really think she was intentionally trying to hurt you, I would talk to DH first and ask why HE was just sitting there the entire time.
I too am sorry for your loss and wish you all the best.
As a Christian, I too have found it difficult to distinguish what to do or not to do at Catholic funerals, or Catholic weddings for that matter, without offending anyone. I have most often requested to be seated toward the back so that it would not be as noticeable that I was not standing/kneeling during the worship part or that I did not take the communion. I’ve always respected the differences of faith, and have just been glad that I could be there as support to mourn the loss with a friend at a Catholic funeral or share the excitement at a Catholic wedding.
I agree that your H should have explained what would be happening, as it truly can be confusing, but since she got pissed off when she was told she couldn’t take communion, I’m sure she is just a miserable wretch who just can’t respect anything. I’m sorry you have to put up with her, and I too am very sorry for your loss.
Hi AllAlone!
Sorry about your loss, I hope you can remember the happy times with your mom and that will help ease your grief.
Yep, your MIL is a drama queen! Her actions were pathetic. At least everyone got a demonstration of her behavior, so they will believe you when you complain about her. The best thing to do about her is just ignore her and live your life how you want to. She will always be a pain, so make other plans that do not include her. She can sit at home all pissed off while you are out having fun.
Hi All Alone-
God Bless.Your MIL is a real B*tch.Don’t invite her to any more Catholic services since she acted like spoiled idiot,baboon.I am sorry you had to deal with a crackpot when you were saying your goodbyes to your own Mom.MIL will reap what she sows.When your MIL passes,throw a block party kegger to celebrate the Old Bat returning to her Home In Hades from Whence She Came.Tell her family it’s a Catholic tradition(wink,wink).
Hugs to you and I wish I were there to personally give her a kick in her old wrinkled *ss for making you feel bad.
If my evil troll MIL and rude FIL come to my mother’s funeral, I will tell my husband beforehand that it is HIS JOB to manage the old bat and that I want nothing to do with her! Let this sad story from allalone be a lesson to all us DILs! UGH.
First let me say how very sorry I am for your loss. I can’t believe your MIL could be such a pouty spoiled brat over something so trivial! Isn’t it amazing how these women know just what to do to hurt us? I think I would have had to tell her, “when you pass away, I’ll be sure to show the same respect and compassion for your family at your funeral as you have shown at my mother’s”. I can’t understand why she would have even wanted to take communion in the first place if she isn’t Catholic.