Ok. I had to vent somewhere before my head exploded. My MIL is mental. I truly believe she thinks my son is hers. She truly creeps me out with the things she says and does. I have caught her on more than one occasion telling my son to “bring it to mommy, oh, I mean grandma.” She even said to her sister in front of me, “I look at (my son) and it’s like I have my little boy back. It’s like I have a redo.” My husband and I have asked her repeatedly not to buy my son markers. He’s not even two yet and makes a horrible mess everywhere with them. She comes in this weekend with markers. A horrible mess was made. She said she bought them because my husband was behind on his fine motor skills at that age and the doctor told her to buy him markers and scotch tape to pull off a roll. There was scotch tape in the bag she bought too. My son can stick a straw in a sippy cup hole on the first try. Do you think he’s behind on his fine motor skills?
She is also into all this homeopathic crap and life extension vitamin crap. I caught her trying to give my son gummy bear vitamins she bought for him without asking me. Come to find out she bought these from her homeopathic store, these were for ages 13 and up and were not approved or validated by the FDA. There was enough iron in them to kill him. I told her if she EVER gave my son anything without asking me first she would never see him again. She stuck her fingers in her ears like a two year old like she couldn’t hear me and shook her head.
I refuse to leave my son alone with her, which makes it hard because none of my family live near, so I never get a date night with my hubby. But I get the feeling she would kidnap him in a heartbeat, especially since she refuses to listen to ANYTHING we have asked her not to do with him. I don’t know what to do in this situation.
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15 Responses to “MIL thinks my son is hers”
Wow. This lady sounds really stupid! You are smart to never leave your baby with her. As a mother, our #1 priority is to protect our children. Your childs safety is absoultly non-negotiable. She tried to KILL your baby with her stupidity!
I am also out of a babysitter because I have no family here. I have been on maybe 3 dates since we had kids, and I can only work the hours my husband is off. But we make it work, our kids are happy and heathy. And I would NEVER compromise that because of the evil MIL. Let me know if you are ever in Los Angeles…maybe we could give each other the night off!!
As for the markers and such, just keep them in a safe place till your son is older. I have hundreds of crayons, markers, and colored pencils stashed away cause I was tired of my 2-year old coloring on herself, her brother, and the walls!
And as for the MIL acting so stupid, just try to ignore the stupid comments, and tantrums and see her as little as possible …but keep your babies SAFE!!!!
Ok, go to the local High School and ask them who gives holds baby sitters classes….then go and get a reference for one from there.
Your MIL is dangerous to your child….she needs to either be watched or cut off entirely. Since she won’t listen to you or your husband NOW….give her a two month time out.
I agree with Louise. I think it’s time to give her a little time out to show her you mean business. If she starts up again with her I-can’t-hear-you crap, make the next time out longer. She could’ve killed your child. You are doing the right thing in not leaving your child unattended with her.
As for not getting date nights, this is what happens a lot when you have kids. I haven’t had a date night with hubby in about 2 years. He makes up for it by making me a nice dinner and spending quality time with me after the kids are in bed. You can have a date night at home. You don’t have to leave but if you really want to get out of the house, ask your neighbors with kids who they have babysit. If you go to church, ask some of the older teens there if they’ve had experience babysitting… cuz these days, you can’t trust just anyone.
The next time she tries to give your son something you specifically asked her not to, take it and throw it in the trash.
She sounds mad crazy! I related to this as I also think my MIL views me more as a baby surrogate, then as the mother of my son. When he was first born, she was holding him and said, “what are you saying to mommy, I mean, grandma.” I was shocked and then livid. Definitely something to nip in the bud asap. I would definitely have DH sit down with her and explain that she’s concerning you both by her references to him as her son, and making you both very uncomfortable. You and DH may both need to tell her repeatedly that she’s not her son, he’s your son, and that she needs to act like his grandmother, not his mother. And he’s not DH’s baby clone — he’s a part of you and him both, so she can’t expect him to be the same person. And regarding the markers, just because she brought them over, you don’t need to let her take them out or give them to your son. I would have just told her, thanks, but we don’t want to give him markers yet as it makes a big mess, and then take them from her and put them away. Regarding the babysitting issue, I’d recommend that you look into joining a mom’s group in your area — sometimes these have official (or unofficial) babysitting coops, where you exchange babysitting for free…. or they could help you find trusted, experienced babysitters that are not your crazy MIL. Good luck to you!
Did my MIL visit you? What you have described is MY troll MIL! You are right, you can never leave your child alone with this nutter. I will not allow my MIL one second of alone time with my children. I even go to the bathroom right before she comes over so I won’t have to leave the room for anything!
She used to bring over inappropriate things all of the time and hand these items directly to my children. I taught my children to hand all of these items right back to me and then I would put them away and say, “Oh, thank you SO MUCH! I will let my children have these when they are OLD ENOUGH! Then I would either throw the crap away or sell it on eBay as this was stuff I’d never give to my child at ANY age.
And she is a rabid Catholic so she would bring over her religion books all of the time and expect to read those to my kids and sing her chior songs. You just have to put a stop to those sorts of things right away.
With the markers, every time she brought them I would say, “Granny dear, you know these are inappropriate!” And I’d put them away. You can practice with your son so he does not make a scene and scream for what MIL has brought over for him. I play MIL and say and do all sorts of things and my kids and I practice what we need to do in various situations so MIL NEVER gets the upper hand. Evil old bat.
Because she is the way she is, you are right, you won’t get any date nights and will be stuck at home a lot. If you can find another sitter, then that is an option. My mom watches my children on occasion so I can get out for a date night with my husband. And he understands that I do not trust his mother and why, so he does not force on me that MIL should babysit. He USED to do that until he saw how she behaved and how pushy she was. So he does not really trust her either. That helps. If your husband thinks MIL should be the sitter when you go out, then you are just going to be stuck at home, but that is better for your child (than to be stuck with evil crone) so you must put his welfare before your fun — which of course you know and are doing.
Regarding all the medical crap (my MIL does this too!!! ARG!) just respond with HIS DOCTOR says XYZ and we follow what HIS doctor says.” and change the subject.
I feel for you, I really do. All you can do is stay a couple of steps ahead of this witch. At least mine is old. I hope she dies soon. I would cry tears of pure joy at her funeral! Best of luck to you. Hang in there.
Oh, and I forgot, about Granny wanting to be referred to as your son’s mother, or “accidently” slipping up. My nutter MIL did this too. She insisted that she wanted to be my children’s mother. She was tricky about it too. She is Asian and used the Asian word for mother and TOLD me it was grandmother. What a liar! Well, my children never ended up calling her that, so she finally relented and went to the REAL Asian word for grandmother. Evil old troll! All you can do is correct the woman every time she tries to refer to herself as the mother.
Regarding any “do-overs” with YOUR son, you’ll just have to correct her on this as well, “Granny dear, we all know YOUR SON is grown. YOU got your opportunity to raise your son as YOU saw fit, now I am doing the same with MY son.” She will be relentless and draining, so expect that right now. With these women, you give them and inch and they will take a mile, so you’ve just got to put a stop to things quickly and KEEP “correcting” her because she will never learn and will do things over and over again.
Yikes, you do have a crazy MIL. Sounds like you have to limit the unsupervised visits with grandma. My MIL had her children young and was very eager not to babysit often as she had her “life back”. Fine with me, however my husband’s step mother was another story. My FIL is on his 4th marriage and anytime he finds a new woman, he becomes a raging bull if he thinks his kids are not treating his woman right. His newest wife is crazy. She had lost custody of her children years ago due to her drinking problems and missed out on raising her kids. When my son was born she felt it was her opportunity to get those memories back. Nada.
We got the insane unsafe gifts, her wanting to butt in on things that she did not have say in, etc. For instance when my son turned 1 yrs old, she wanted to make him his first birthday cake (the small one my son would eat). I said thanks but no thanks as I was looking forward to doing this myself. She was sooo hurt and the next thing I know my FIL is calling up bitching hubby and I out because he felt we should let crazy SMIL do this. Nope, stood my ground. I did give in the next year and let her make my son’s 2nd yr cake. It was loaded with tiny army men. She constructed this whole army scene on a sheet cake. The army men were about the size of a quarter. Ya, that is all I need is a house full of toddlers choking to death on tiny army men. Plus not sure how sanitary it was to have all these plastic toys stuck on the cake. SMIL is not the cleanest chic I ever met when it comes to preparing food. The cake was awful and horribly decorated. My son’s gifts were way beyond his age like a 100 piece art set which had an age requirement clearly stamped on the box that stated 12 yrs and up. Now that my son is a teen she buys him gifts that she should have bought when he was 2.
SMIL constantly bugged us to let our son have sleep overs. No way. She is on all sorts of meds and will fall asleep at the drop of hat. It always seems to be when she smoking. Her night gown has burn holes all over it due to her falling asleep and the ciggs burning her nightgown and bedding. Im surprised she hasnt died in a fire yet.
I always found raising children to be difficult but not due to the process itself but more with how tiring it is dealing with crazy people in your child’s life.
OMG we truly DO have the same MIL. Mine acts like a ignorant, spoiled child, too.
I have 2 boys, ages 11 and 5. When he was very young, my oldest child used to be allowed to spend a few days with my in-laws but that has not been allowed to happen in several years. I can’t tell you how many times my mothering skills were questioned in general, but they often were with her comment, “You mean to tell me that you don’t give him VITAMINS?!?” Apparently, to her at least, I’m an idiot so she took matters into her own hands. She had him staying with her and decided to “do the right thing” and introduce vitamins into his diet. Just like your MIL, she didn’t check with either my husband or myself first. When we picked him up, he had hives and a horrible rash all over his body, and we were dumbfounded. She sent the vitamins home with him in his suitcase, and we looked at the ingredients. They contained Red 40 which is something he is very allergic to. Wow – what nerve….
I have also had a similar experience as “Disrespectful” in terms of the Catholic thing. My oldest would come home from these little excursions to her house with a bottle of holy water tucked in with his things, and instructions to “sprinkle a bit of it around your house”. By no means am I anti-Catholic but I do draw the line at anyone forcing their beliefs on my children. And the last time she asked my children (in my presence, no less) if they would like to go with church with her without asking my permission first was the LAST time she asked, know what I mean?
In terms of the giving of inappropriate things to your child, remember that you are your child’s parent, not her, and therefore you and your husband have the final say in what your child has access to or can play with. Who cares if she’s mad about it? You child is safe and the ensuing mess is reduced. Better yet, put the markers away and bring them out the next time you go to her house. Let your child have at it there so that SHE gets to clean up the mess, not you
Reminds me of some gifts that my oldest received from my in-laws: screaming loud fire trucks, musical cars — remote-controlled and obnoxious! Those went to her house to stay. You buy them, YOU get to listen to them. I learned that I didn’t have to let that kind of crap into my home because it’s MY home…. The fact that DH and I both worked from home and needed it to remain relatively quiet obviously was unimportant to her.
In terms of the date-night thing, do what you can until you can find another sitter. Plan out a great “adult-only” night once your child is in bed and start it late enough to ensure that your child is sound asleep. You can get a movie to watch, plan a late dinner, have some wine, etc. without having to go out and it still is just the two of you.
And take it from me, the fact that you don’t use her as a sitter gives her one less thing to hang over your head. That independence feels great!!
Now that my oldest child is older, she has actually said about him that “he is JUST like his mother” when he didn’t bend to her wishes or choose to see/do things her way. The fact that he did this himself with absolutely no prompting from me is the sweetest revenge
Thank you ladies! You all made me feel so much better and thank you for all the suggestions. Disrespectful DIL, I liked what you said about having the chance to raise my son the way I see fit. I will tell her that next time and hope she doesn’t stick her finger in her ears. My husband and I decided to tell her she can find another place to stay when she is visiting if she can’t respect OUR wishes with OUR son. I am lucky in that she lives 6 hours away and only comes to see us about once a month. Another thing she did while she was visiting, she called my son “a little shit.” My babysitter is a Christian lady and does not tolerate foul language. I blew a gasket on my MIL and told her if she called him that ever again she was not allowed around him. I have the best babysitter in the world though. I teased her and told her my son is cleaner when I pick him up than when I dropped him off. She treats my son like her own children and he loves going to her house. She runs a small in-home licensed daycare from her home, so it gives me an excuse not to leave my son with my MIL. I just tell her I like getting what I pay for, and I pay whether he is there or not. I still get the one million question drill on what she feeds him and what she does with him all day. WHAT IS WITH THIS WOMEN AND WHAT MY SON EATS????!?!?!??? I work full time and go to school part time, so I cherish every moment I have with my son, and my MIL doesn’t understand why I take him everywhere with me even when she’s visiting. My husband works part time and goes to school full time. I’ve been the only one working for the last three years and putting him through school. So, thank you for the suggestions on how to have a night out with my hubby. I will check into the mom’s group thing. PLUS, exciting news. My husband is graduating in May and might be getting a REALLY good paying job, which means we can move out of this godforsaken state. I will DEFINITELY be the one calling her and telling her she gets to be like my family now and see her grandson once every 3 years. I’m evil and should be destroyed. =)
She lives 6 hours away and still sees your son once a month? That’s too much if you ask me. My MIL only sees my children every other month and on some holidays. And she lives about 15 mins away from me! She’s always too busy with her new husband and school and partying to see her grandkids. But, that’s fine with me, I’m not going to force her to see them. Luckily, my husband and my parents get along great so we see my parents every Sunday for dinner at my grandmother’s house. My kids LOVE my parents and they are the only grandparents they know.
It’s hilarious to me whenever we do see my MIL that my kids are stand off-ish to her and treat her as a total stranger. My son loves attention and being held but, on Christmas Eve, my MIL held out her hands to my son to pick him up and he started screaming. That’s what happens when you don’t see your grandkids! And, on my husbands birthday, my MIL and my parents were all at my house… MIL was SO upset when my kids went running to my parents and hugging them, completely ignoring her.
Hopefully, when you move and see MIL less, your son will treat your MIL the same way my kids treat mine.
At least your Mil didn’t try to breastfeed your child, mine did… Don’t know wat she was expecting to come out of her dried up, wrinkled, sagging breasts. Needless to say she will never, ever, ever have time alone with her grandson
I have two children one boy (MIL says he looks EXACTLY like my hubby did at that age) and a daughter (who looks like me according to her) the first time we went on a date night she babysat…We come home a couple of hours later and my sweet baby girl who never cries was laying in the middle of the floor screaming her little head off while that old crone sat in the rocker rocking my son…and FIL was sitting on the couch not doing anything….now this woman wants to know why she can’t babysit…We don’t go anywhere anymore…I mean they were four months old at the time…I was so mad I was shaking didn’t want to cause a fight so I held it all in, of course I had to vent someway or go insane I was crying by the time we got home cause I didn’t want to tell hubby what a witch she was you know it is his mother afterall, he talks to her the next day she tells him that I need help I have postpardum depression….and I should be watched around my children, now he insists on me going to a doctor, I tried to explain to him, but I was over reacting ya know…So I just told him the doctor said it was normal separation anxiety when we came back and “they” were crying…
My mil was the same way. When my husband and I were not around or she was babysitting she would litterally tell my daughter to call me by my name and call her mommy. And then when we was around she would tell my daughter to bring a toy to mommy…ooops I mean granny or she when we was leaving or she was leaving she would say tell mommy bye… my husband had to finally stand up and tell her that she had her chance to raise her kids and that my daughter is not her child just her grandchild. That it is our turn to be parents and if she didnt like it then she didnt have to come around us. It actually stopped after that.
Im really sorry you have to deal with this. I have a similar situation. If their is something my MIL knows I don’t like or want for my 2 1/2 year old, trust me she will go out of her way to get it. When my son was born she bought him this chew toy that got caught in his lip and he was screaming. I had to get it of his lips and he was bleeding from it, thankfully he was ok and it was just a little blood. My husband looked up this chew toy online and found out it was recalled because it was a hazard to children (obviously.) The only problem was it was recalled over a year ago, so Im wondering where in the world she bought this recalled chew toy/teether without knowing it was dangerous. Needless to say, she is not allowed to watch my son ever.
Your mother-in-law and mine could be psychotic twins separated at birth. Mine is a total nut when it comes to things like this too. She insisted on giving my then two-year-old son whole grapes after I specifically told her not to for the obvious reason that he could choke to death. There was also the time she took him over an hour away on a “day trip” to the beach without telling me first! She was a working mom and did not get to spend time with her sons so maybe she is trying on my kids, but come-on you had your chance and there is a limit. She has no respect towards me and that’s what pisses me off the most. Glad to hear I’m not alone!