Mother-in-Law HELL

ns said on 21/12/09 @ 11:24am

haha, my FMIL is the same way. When I visited her house for the first time, she once pointed her finger at me and then at the dishwasher. I had to introduce my BF to the concept of doing dishes as I go along with the cooking and I am proud to say he made dinner all by himself the other night and used that method….

It IS bad behavior on your MILs part but if you want to take the high road, put on a pair of gloves (you can bring your own) and chip in. I don’t know about your MIL but my FMIL also ignores me when she’s not verbally abusing me. So I have fantasy’s about how when I have more money, I willl send a maid in my place if I can’t ever make it to her house…

louise said on 21/12/09 @ 1:04pm

Discuss this with your hubby. If the BOTH of you start washing the dishes it might bring it to a head. MIL is going to appalled to see her son doing those dishes and want it to stop….then you both should stop doing the dishes, thank her for dinner and leave.

Even with the invitation, you are still family, everyone should be stepping up to do the dishes….not just you. If this is really bothering you….start skipping some of these command attendances and go out to eat a romantic dinner with just the two of you.

sweetsunshine said on 21/12/09 @ 3:46pm

So let me get this straight, you help wash the dishes most of the time, then she complains about you not washing them more often? Uh… I’d stop. Does DH know what she said to BIL? Because if he does, he should be talking to MIL about this. If he doesn’t, inform him. She is probably so used to you doing them that now she EXPECTS IT. But it really isn’t in your job description. Its nice enough that you do them now, but if she’s gonna be a snob, tell her to get a maid!

ns said on 21/12/09 @ 4:05pm

that’s a good idea to get hubby to help out with dishes actually! I’m going to tell BF that that’s what he needs to do at his mother’s house with me – instead of being waited on hand and foot. He’s good in my house because I laid some rules down for him, but he should do the same at his mama’s!!!!!!

bitchonastick said on 21/12/09 @ 7:02pm

*SIGH* !!!! If only my mother-in-law would COOK for me instead of plot my death…I would gladly wash the dishes!!!
If you dont want to wash dishes–dont go to eat there that day!
Is it possible she is mad at you for something OTHER than dishes? Is that why she is taking it out on you?

Kris haward said on 22/12/09 @ 12:55am

Thanks for the responses! I talked to my fiancé
about this and he’s shocked at his mother because she’s never said anything to him and he also knows that none of his siblings help so it’s weird that she would expect it of me. I don’t do the dishes every time, probably 1 in every 4 dinners but in the past few months I’ve stopped (and just help clear the table, not do any dishes) because of an incident where we were over. After dinner I cleared my plate off the table rinsed it off and left it in the sink, the same as my fiancé did, and I sat down on the couch. But as MIL was clearing the table she was kind of slamming dishes around and I got the feeling it was because I didn’t help out more. I guess that’s why this issue came to a head, because I pretty much stopped doing more than helping clear the table.
My fiancé talked to his mom and she said it was partly BIL being concerned because he thought I should be helping his mom more. She is just getting over breast cancer and sometimes she makes comments when we’re not there about wishing she could get some help after supper and BIL interprets that’s as “the other woman should help more”.
Apparently my feud now is more with my brother in law. My fiancé and him are arguing about it now and I don’t think we’re going over for Christmas in order to avoid a potential violent domestic dispute because his brother is an 18year old jackass who thinks fighting solves everything and proves how tough he is. I wish he would take his own advice and help his own mother some more. Anyways,thanks for reading an for the suggetions. I didn’t realize writin this all
out would make me feel so much better

Bitterdaughterinlaw said on 22/12/09 @ 1:12pm

I had the same problem- What I ve done when I do come over for Sunday dinner is stopped all together. When her daughters dont help out she groups me with them whether I help out or not. So I just stopped and am debating on whether to go over there at all anymore.

Disrespectful Daughter-in-Law said on 23/12/09 @ 7:56pm

It’s holiday time, for goodness’ sake! Buy the old crone a kilo of paper plates at the local Costo and be done with it.

Better yet, the next time the witch motions you to the kitchen ask her where you can disrobe first and explain — “I now do all of my cleaning in the nude.” I am sure that will be the end of your dish monkey days and you can once again join the upper primates in the living area!

Stalker said on 27/12/09 @ 9:44pm

My Mom is from the 1950’s June Cleaver era and she said volunteering to wash the dishes after someone invites you to dinner is proper etiquette.What you could do is what I did one year at Christmas.My Mom made huge holiday meals every Easter,Thanksgiving and Christmas and our family would often get up right after the meal and all would agree to “go for a walk”,leaving all of the food laying out on the counter and dirty dishes to wash everywhere.My Mom and I would stay behind and clean up everything and put it all away while everyone else enjoyed the holiday.I got tired of my Mom complaining about this and threatening to not make a meal so I remedied the situation.

One Christmas we all ate and when the meal was over someone said “Hey,let’s go for a walk!” That is when I stood up and said “Whoa!!!Hold it!!!!!!! We have a new policy here…..Nobody is going anywhere until all of this food is put away and all of these dishes are washed and in the dishwasher.It is not fair that some of us get to go for a walk while others of us have to cook all this food and then also put it all away,and do up all of the dishes too.”
Everyone has pitched in and helped since that day,and my Mom has been happy about that.

I think that you should pull a stunt like this and guilt trip everyone into helping with the cleanup.You can word it any way that you like,and you can even possibly say if it is a holiday”Let’s all give MIL a break by all of us pulling together to clean up the kitchen.”or “Hey everyone,since MIL cooked this lovely meal,let’s let her sit in the recliner chair while all of us pull together and show our appreciation for her meal by cleaning the whole kitchen up, together!”

MIl may also think that you are her automatic dishwasher because men are not supposed to do housework,which is an outmoded crock of sh*t way of thinking.I would ignore her if she made any unreasonable requests.I would also tell Hubby that if he doesn’t help with the dishes,you are not going to eat at MIL’s house very much in the future.

louise said on 29/12/09 @ 2:04am

You know, re-reading this post, I really have to wonder if your MIL was complaining to your BIL about you. If a person really thinks about it….was she complaining about HIS wife not stepping up and volunteering to wash some of those dishes and he was a wimp about telling HER? BIL may have been trying to guilt you into it instead of handling his own MIL/DIL relations. He sounds like he should be getting that spinal implant and taking care of his own relationships….instead of taking the easy way out via HIS SIL’s kinder nature.

ns said on 07/01/10 @ 11:46pm

That’s a good point Louise. I feel like I’ve gotten thrown under the bus all the time because everyone in BF’s family is so sh*t scared of mommy and her tantrums that they panic and start pointing fingers. The first time I was ever at their house, she started nagging BF’s SIL about having kids and I’m not joking – SIL pointed at me and said “why don’t you start yelling at her instead about getting married?” WTF?????????

misskt said on 14/01/10 @ 7:41pm

Louise, from what I read, my understanding is that the SIL that K refers to is MIL’s daughter since in her post, she says “their own daughter”. I’m not positive, but I don’t think BIL is married.

louise said on 28/01/10 @ 3:48am

Yeah I saw that after misskt, then BIL should have shut HIS trap and stepped up his own bad self and did the dang dishes. Pretty sure his hands are not broken.