Jelous MIL That Doen’t Support Her Son! HELP!
by DILKac on 11/23 @ 4:33pmMy husband and I just recently got married but, we have been together for almost 7 years. My husband also just joined the US Army, which his family was really upset about. He decided to join so that he could support his son and me, but my in-laws thought that the recruiters had just manipulated him into joining. Well since the day that we told them our decision my MIL has not spoken one positive thing about it. He left for basic training a little over a month ago and just a week after he left she said to me, “ I can’t believe that he really went, he will realize that he has made the worst decision and tell me I was right.” I just chose to hold my tongue to prevent conflict. My father in-law got a call from him because for some reason the call wouldn’t go through on my cell phone. He told me that my husband had told him to tell me that he had written me a letter and it was on its way. My MIL reacted by saying, “WHAT? He didn’t write his MOTHER a letter?” Later that night they didn’t know I was in the room, but I overheard her saying to my FIL, “Why did he write her first?” he replied, “I guess because she is his wife.” This was only the beginning. My husband continued writing me many letters telling me how he missed me and everything that he was doing. My MIL seemed to get mad anytime I would tell her about it. After a month of having his address she had still chosen not to write him because he was mad and jealous of my letters. Every time I am around her I am on pins and needles because I know that if I say the wrong thing that she will have something very negative to say about my husband and the army. His parents don’t support his decision, and they reflect that to me. But his mother would never want her son to know that she was mad at him. My husband finally wrote her a letter telling her that he could believe that she was upset with him, and didn’t support him. She returned her first letter in a month by telling him that she wasn’t and that I was being selfish because I didn’t want her to go with me to pick him up at the airport. The only reason I didn’t was because she wasn’t supporting him and acted as if he didn’t even mean anything to her because I got more letter than her. I know she is his Mother and I would have loved for her to come if she didn’t act this way. So today I got a letter from my husband telling me that his Mom thought I was being selfish and that he wanted me to tell her she could come with me to the airport. He told me that he wanted me to go out of my way to make her feel special!!! How can I do that when all she does is speak doom over our marriage and doesn’t support her son and he doesn’t even realize it. I tried to tell him in my letters, but I guess he thinks I am the one that is wrong. PLEASE HELP!! Maybe I am being selfish? I just love and want to support my husband and his decision, and I can’t understand why his MIL doesn’t want to be positive in any way.
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6 Responses to “Jelous MIL That Doen’t Support Her Son! HELP!”
I can’t believe your husband wanted you to go out of your way to make you MIL feel special! If my husband told me to do that I would tell him to have a word with himself!
You have supported him as any wife should do, not only because you have a moral duty to but because you want to because you love, care and respect him. His mother should be doing the same for the same reasons. There seems to be a generation of mothers who still think that what they say goes and how dare their children take anyone elses opinion over theirs. The ‘I am your mother you are expected to listen to me, I brought you up all these years’ line, which is enough to make any child feel guilty. Unfortuantely this is the way of it. I know! Take her to the airport but don’t talk to her unless she talks to you and don’t give in depth answers just be civil and shallow, after all that is all she is capable of dealing with.
Don’t give your MIL anything to go on. She will find things to use against you without you feeding it. Just be civil and brush off her comments. If you start to take it to heart she will be getting what she wants, not necessarily proving you wrong but proving herself right. She probably tells herself lies about you and your relationship with your husband and the worst part is that she believes them. You can’t change that and you can’t change how your man feels about her.
You must keep strong and hold your own!
Your MIL is jealous and her expectations of being treated like a special princess are ridiculous. This is how my MIL acts as well and I do not tolerate it. But in this situation, you may have to bite the bullet to make your husband feel good upon his return (which is what is most important here, he’s been through a lot). So invite the old bat and then deal with the rest of it once you can talk to your husband face-to-face. DO NOT agree to make her “feel special” up front, because this is something you need to talk to him about later. It is not your job to mend her feelings or make her feel special. She is responsible for her own feelings, actions, etc. Just tell your husband that if he wants his mom there, that you will invite her for him. Then call her up, ask her to come to the airport, and tell her the rest of the day will be for you and your husband to catch up. Drop her off on the way home, have a wonderful reunion with your husband, and deal with the MIL drama in a few days.
Honey, you need to write him that letter, that states VERY clearly his parents are not gung-ho about his choice. Let him know that while he is doing a very grown-up manly service, which includes not really telling you all the truth of what is going on THERE, you are doing the wifely duty and giving him the same courtesy. You are not telling him everything that is happening at home. You haven’t told him every little nitty gritty piece of crap they have been slinging…..THAT is the main reason you want to pick him up alone, this is the time you catch up on the information that needs to be passed between spouses, parents should not be wedging themselves into that scope of your lives. That drive home from the airport is your right and privilege as his wife…..mommy is now in the second tier of his life…as it should be. Making your MIL feel “special” is not your job, it is her HUSBAND’S.
Let us all pray that you are not living with MIL, because your post sure sounds like it. Hopefully I am wrong! I want to be. Living with the inlaws while hubby is away is a poor idea it best.
Who bloody cares about the letters. He writes you. That’s nice. You don’t need to tell the troll. She asks, you say, “Oh, I can’t remember when I got the last one. He is very busy, you know.” And if she gets a letter and gloats about it, say, “That is wonderful! I am so happy he had a chance to write to you!” And leave it at that. Don’t keep score with a troll MIL. It’s not worth it.
Before hubby takes a plane back home, write him a very simple letter, leaving out all the emotion, and state the facts. Mumsey and Daddums don’t like him being in the army. They give you crap about it all the time. You feel this is between him and them and you are not about to get into the middle of that discussion.
Repeat what Louise told you — it is NOT your job to make either of those nutty inlaws feel special. Only a Momma’s Boy would even say that. Heaven forbid he is one of those. And, based on him siding with Mumsey and overriding your airport decision, he might very well be one.
And since we are on the topic of airports, tell hubby that either Godzilla MIL can meet him at the airport our you can, NOT both of you. HIS CHOICE. What he decides will speak volumes about where you rank to him in his life. Good luck! Let us know how it all turns out. Sometimes you’ve just got to step up a bit in the beginning so MIL does not steamroller you.
I agree wholeheartedly w/ “Disrespectful Daughter-in-Law”. <— LOL, you certainly have a way with words, lol "…Mumsey & Daddums…"lol.
Talk to your husband and tell him NOT to tell his Mom about the letters he writes to you…it is none of her business.
If hubby would have told me to go “make Mom feel special”,especially after Mom has been a b*tch I would have been livid.
His Mom disrespected one of our very honorable soldiers who defends our freedom in the USA,and a real American Hero.Anyone who signs up and puts their own wishes aside to fight for our country deserves HONOR,and RESPECTnot FRICTION of any sort.
I would make her feel special,all right, by telling her I am giving her the exclusive right to Kiss My *SS and that she can take a WALK to the airport by herself.
I would also tell her I would like to honor her by giving her the Universal One Finger Salute using both of my hands,for being an idiot and stressing out an American Soldier for no reason but her own childish wants.
My Mom went through this same thing with my Grandma when my Dad was in the military(dating my Mom,1953-1955) and called my Mom an “Allotment Annie”(wanting to marry a military guy for an allotment-money the military gives you for being the wife)and lied and said my Mom was out dating all of these other men when she was not.My Dad gave my Mom the letters and she confronted my Grandma who tried to lie out of it.
All in all my Mom won in the end because after much hassle and many fights my Mom told my Dad “If you think Mummy is #1,well,then you can just go sleep with your Mummy!!!!!!”and cut all sex off,Dad finally came around and was a decent husband to my Mom.They are still married,54
years later !