Mother-in-Law HELL

In October of 2007 I met the man of my dreams. He exceeds everything that I look for in a potential soul mate. He is kind, honest, makes me laugh till I can’t catch my breath, gets along with my family, intelligent, driven, and incredibly handsome.

I had met his family shortly after we started dating. We are both extremely close with our families so it was only natural that I met them early on. My first impression of his mother was a good one. She seemed sweet, very well put together, intelligent, and very confident. My first encounter with his parents consisted of attending church and then lunch.

I consider myself a very open person…always willing to give something a try before I say I don’t like it. Attending church with his family was an eye opening experience to say the least. His family attends a pentecostal holiness church. It was a much different church going exprerience than I was used to. I consider my self a “Liberal Christian.” I grew up attending a methodist church, and have always had a good relationship with god and my faith.

We did a long distance relationship for a little over a year (I live in CT he lives in NC) and in January of 08 he made the move up north. We both felt very confident in this decision and felt it was the next logical step in our relationship.

It wasn’t until a few months before “the big move” up north that his mom completely lost it. She wrote me and my boyfriend a four page email about how we really don’t know each other, and that we should consider not talking for a few months to see if we could live without each other before he up roots himself from his job, friends, and most of all family.

I was shocked that such sweet woman would involve her self so forcefully into our relationship. First off we already lived 500 miles away from each other…We pretty much knew that we couldn’t live without each other. We discussed pretty much everything under the sun on the phone for the past year. The distance alone killed us. We are both approaching 30, and are not clueless. We know what we both want in a future spouse. I couldn’t wrap my head around what not talking for a few months would do. It was clear to me that her motive in that request was to see if perhaps her son’s love would fade for me and that he wouldn’t move hundreds of miles away from her. A completely selfish request in my opinion.

In her email she went on to say “have you thought what stress this decision has put on your family?” She also made it very clear in her kniving, sweet way, that I did not meet her approval when it came to my beliefs and religion. She said “I always thought that you would meet someone that shared the same love and faith in god.”

It was obvious very early on in our relationship that my boyfriend and I were raised very different when it came to religion. His father was a pastor for many years, and church was at the epicenter of his parents day to day life. But through our numerous conversations (prior to our move) we discussed religion many times. We both have a respect for each others beliefs and views. Neither of us try to persuade or sway each other. He is conservative and I am liberal. We fell in love with each other for the person that we are. Together we have agreed to find a church that suits us both. We realize that this will take some compromising but it can be done.

As far as our relationship things have been absolutely wonderful since his move up. We have grown closer as a couple…learned how to deal and embrace each others flaws and just live life together. Things were quiet with his mom for a while but just in the last month things have started to stir up again. She started sending me religious forwards through email… very persuasive in nature attempting to “spread the word of God” in a sense. Also she knows where I stand politically and continues to send me forwards that basically bash my political views. Never in a million years would I consider sending her something that I knew went against her beliefs or tried to skew her in a way that she would not be open to. I think she is on a mission to try and convert me in a sense. Every time we go to visit his parents she goes off on political and religious tangents. I feel so uncomfortable because most of the time I disagree with what she is saying. What am I supposed to do start a full on debate with her? That’s just not me.

I spoke to my boyfriend about it and he lightly tried to let her know that I rather just talk to her about day-to-day life rather than politics or religion. Well that didn’t do anything. Forward after forward she didn’t stop. So I asked my boyfriend if it was okay with him if I expressed to her how I felt. He said he thought it would be a great idea. He even said that his mom has not problem sharing with us her opinions and insights so should probably respect my honesty.

I wrote her a very respectful and tasteful email that simply said I respect your beliefs and I admire the fact that you have very strong convictions. I also have strong beliefs and am very content with where I stand both religiously and politically. I feel in the future that we should perhaps leave religion and politics out, as those subjects tend to get a bit touchy when there is difference in opinions and beliefs.

Well boy was that a bad idea. She called up her son and told him that I offended her and I was disrespectful. My boyfriend even read the email before I sent it and said it was perfect. I really do want to have a relationship with his mother, and I feel horrible that my boyfriend is in the middle. I think bottom line she is so bitter that I don’t believe in the same things that she does. She thinks that I am a bad influence on her son. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I can’t win with her. I am not going to compromise what I believe in. I don’t know what to say to her. Should I be putting more pressure on my boyfriend to stand up for me and explain to his mother that we are dealing with our differences in our faith in our own way and to butt out??

Help I need advice.