This is Long But trust me its worth the read!
One day my sister in law to be was over at my house visiting my son. He had been giving me a hard time all day. I quit smoking while I was pregnant, but started again afterwards.. I know my own stupidity… anyways, I smoked like 1-2 a day… only if I have had a bad day. Anyways, I asked if she would mind sitting with my 4 month old while I went for a quick smoke….
My husband and I just recently got married. But this was prior to the wedding and I had been looking at really cheap wedding dresses as we don’t have much money, and was set on getting something 200.00 or less. My fiances mom said that she wanted to come with me wedding dress shopping…. when we got there she INSISTED that I try on what she picked and just not look at the price because she said “You have to LOVE your dress”. I tried on this one that was fantastic (they removed the tags so I couldnt see the price) and started crying when I tried it on. She then said “this is the one” and I agreed, when I asked how much it was she told me not to worry about it as she was going to pay for it. I disputed this for a long time until I just gave in.
My sister in law then informed her the that day that I was smoking again… and she sent me this E-mail
(”honey;
I am so disappointed in you … that you started smoking again! It is a stinky disgusting habit!
I was so very proud of you when you quit as it took a lot of will power and guts to do it and quite frankly you and your hubby can not afford for you to smoke.
I am appalled that you would subject not only your own lungs to this poison especially with your lung problems, but your sons too, his lungs are still so fragile, and the smoke it’s on/in your clothes, in your hair and is a disgusting low class habit and just plain gross! Most kids who grow up in smoking homes end up smoking themselves, Is this what you want for your son?
Smoking is very expensive, a total waste of money you could be putting into your wedding.
Maybe if you have so much money you can afford your own wedding dress?
I guess it is all about priorities. What is important?
I am sorry if I have upset you but I AM VERY UPSET about this!”)
Let me tell you. I Changed my clothes and wash my hands before I even touched my son after smoking. I also brushed my teeth and used mouth wash. But now she was using the dress against me!! I didn’t ask her to buy it! SHE WANTED TO BUY IT, it was obvious to me that she wanted to buy it to have some sort of control over me.
Well, last weekend we got married. His Mother begged us to invite her sister (we were having a small wedding and didn’t include her and her four kids as we never talk to them and it was basically immediate family and people we talk to daily) on Friday we were at the hall setting up and she saw the seating chart. I had invited her sister and sat her sister and her four kids with my MIL and her husband. She FLIPPED her lid, yelling at me calling me names, telling me that she didn’t want to sit with them. Why did she beg me to invite them if she didnt want to sit with them? I couldn’t change it anyways, because we didn’t have enough tables, and her sister only knew my MIL so it was easier to sit here there… and it was the NIGHT before the wedding I can’t make changes like that. Eventually she got over it (or so I thought) and after the rehearsal we went back to my Grandmother’s house for the rehearsal dinner. She spent the ENTIRE time cussing my husband (her son) out in private, taking him away from everyone else… for EVERYTHING under the sun, I was hiding outside from her… and she was basically ruining our rehearsal dinner… by the time she had returned with my husband everyone had left. The day of the wedding she would not allow my mother to get me dressed but she did it is such a catty planned way. She knew my mother had to leave early to pick up her boyfriend before the wedding, so my MIL didnt come over until she knew my mother had left. SHE ended up helping me get into my wedding dress, because thats what she wanted.
She doesn’t seem to realize that she ruined the rehearsal and upset my family (it was at my Grandma’s house and my grandma called me crying the other day that it was ruined) She feels NO remorse.
That was my rant.
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Advice
7 Responses to “Needed a sedative!”
Well, lesson learned? Do Not accept anything else from this woman, she has shown you her true colors and her underlying personality. Every penny that goes towards you, your hubby, And your child will now be listed and recounted the rest of your life.
That’s so sickening – Some people can’t put their own problems aside for anything, or anyone. But hey, now you know!
If the ladies on this site were to write a commandments list for dealing with MIL’s, one of them would surely be: “Thou shalt not accepteth donations from MIL.” The witches only want something to use against you.
She may not agree with your smoking, but it doesn’t entitle her to dangle carrots. Leave her out of your plans from now on!
Oh CRAP! Another wacko MIL! At least your whole family agrees that your MIL sucks!!! Sounds like your MIL is a poison snake that bites everybody within reach, because that is just what snakes do best. Louise gives the perfect advice! Again!
Keep the receipt and INSIST on paying her back for the wedding dress. Discuss this with hubby so she doesn’t try to use it against you and tell him to approach her about it.
That way she can never use it against you ever again. Trust me she will try!
remember people will only treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated.
My MIL and FIL are constantly trying to shove money at us and our children. We have to say NO to all of it as they only use it for control. Pay that old biddy back for the dress and be done with it.
You are going to have to grow a thicker skin to deal with this troll. Start practicing the word NO and use it. When she came to dress you for the wedding, you had the power to say NO. Sometimes that is hard, and will cause confrontations, but it is better than being her doormat.
Regarding your smoking, only YOU can give that up. No amount of nasty or rude notes will make you do it. You have to want to do it for yourself. I hope you will be able to break the habit someday. It would be terrible for you to die young and the MIL to get control of your child. That is exactly what would happen, so try to take the best care of yourself possible.
On the subject of your smoking,……one or two puffed on a stressful day isn’t the big whoop-de-doo that your MIL wants to make it. You have almost whipped the habit…..now you just need to work on the “STRESSFUL DAYS” part. Cut out the stress from your IN LAWS and I’m pretty sure your smoking issue will completely go away on its own. You realize you don’t want this habit and you are close to your goal of kicking it.
I’m sure everyone on this site has a bad habit they would like to kick (besides the lovely MILs), my indulgence is the soda pop….I would dearly love to give it up , lol, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon.
lol thanks guys very much. I actually HAVE kicked the habit on my own terms. And my husband has decided to send his mother a long e-mail regarding everything that displeases us. (we cant sit down in person with her because we will NEVER get our points across that way)