I’m looking for the most polite way to tell my MIL to back off. Every time I send my son to her house for her to watch him she does the complete opposite of want I ask.
We have special shampoo and lotion and she insists on using Johnson & Johnson.
I ask her not to use baby oil on his cradle cap and she puts it on anyway.
She has dumped my breastmilk out and given him formula instead.
If his father or I want to go somewhere and bring him with she bitches that he doesn’t need to go and we just need to leave him at her house.
I’ve asked her not to have him sleep with her and she does anyway.
The list goes on and on.
I know he is her first grandchild but I’m getting to the point of frustration. I’m not sure how to confront her. She is a very overbearing person. I just want her to know that just because I’m a first time mom doesn’t mean I don’t have the right to raise my son the way I want to.
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Advice
8 Responses to “MIL wants to raise my child!”
The most polite way would be to have a heart to heart with her. Explain that you think she is a good mother but you would like to her follow your wishes on what you want for your child. I can tell you right now, she will ignore your wishes. So plan B would be, to cut some visits to get the message across. Have your husband as back up. Good luck.
If she won’t listen to you and insists on putting your child in DANGER by sleeping alongside him, then it’s simple: DO NOT LEAVE YOUR CHILD WITH HER. You are allowing her to undermine you as a parent.
Find someone else to mind your son. When he grows old enough, MIL will tell him bad things about his mother and turn him to her side. It’s also not unheard of for MIL’s to phone CPS with a pack of lies to gain custody. If you don’t put your foot down, this is what will happen.
Don’t worry so much about being polite as being FIRM. You don’t have to be mean, but it’s your duty as a mother to protect your son from harm. Put this nutter in her place before you regret it.
Stop leaving your kid with her…Period. There is no “polite” way. Anything you say will be seen as an attack. If hubby can’t tell her to stop, then cut off her ties. Time to put on your big girl panties and put your foot down. You are the child’s mother, not her.
Bride to Be said it best….
You are going to piss her off regardless of what you do. I understand she is the grandmother but just because she is doesn’t give her the right to do the complete opposite of what you ask. Be firm or don’t let her watch your baby….simple.
A MIL like this cannot be left unsupervised with your child — ever. These types of women feel entitled to do as they please and no amout of talking with them will change that. They are offended by everything — their fault or not. Find someone else to take care of your child when you cannot. MIL should not be on your list of possible babysitters, period. I’ve got a MIL just like yours and she gets zero time with my children alone. End of story.
You cannot let this woman usurp your authority as a parent.Stop leaving your kid with her immediatley.Believe me,if she is disobeying your wishes now,just wait until Junior becomes a teenager and pulls the “But Grandma said I could ” crap.Nip your future problems in the bud and don’t leave your kid with her.Period.End of story.
If you even attempt to discuss this with her,you will have World War 3 on your hands.Her way of thinking is that whatever she did with her own kids is Ok for yours too as she is a pushy overbearing woman.My own mother did this when my brother’s kids came along and she also spoiled them to the point of codependency.Cut this off now,or you will suffer on down the road.My sister-in-law tried to tell my Mom what to do and what not to do but my Mom didn’t listen either and complained about having to go by a “computer print out” on what is allowed and not allowed with the baby.The whole time my Mom interfered and then got mad and pouted each time she was reminded of the rules.There was constant fighting going on all the time.
I think that the dumping out of the breast milk would have sealed it for me.Your milk is full of antibodies and will protect your little one from developing allergies and make him resistant to certain sicknesses,so why the H*ll did she did that when it is good for the baby? I think this was a stab at trying to weaken the bond between you and your baby by dumping out the milk you gathered from your own body.(remember,she can’t produce milk so maybe she is jealous and refuses to give the baby your milk as a means of making him bond stronger-she thinks-with her?Think about it.)
When it comes to child-care, you should behave as though she doesn’t exist. Pretend you have no MIL and work with that. Everything she has done so far has been beyond disrespectful. With that in mind, you should not feel afraid that you will hurt her when you openly address these issues with her. I would calmly state your feelings (a woman like that clearly knows where the line is, and that she crosses it when she wants to)…If you tend to be a “very well-behaved” woman, then I would make an effort to make some noise about this, and make sure you are heard. Don’t be afraid to be dramatic, you are the child’s mother, everyone will understand. It is your right/job to look out for his/her best interest. Don’t be afraid to. Often, bullies back off when you stand up for your self. All this aside, you still will never be able to trust her. My MIL is the same way. She has lied when given the opportunity about doing things with our son that we do not permit. These types are manipulative liars with no sense of respect.
I’m with Stalker. She is trying to make her bond with your child stronger than yours. And if it goes down that road you will have major problems, whether it is trying for custody of your child, or your child becoming codependent on her, she will ultimately undermine you as a parent and try to move herself into the role of the mom. I wouldn’t doubt she refers to the child as “my baby”. I have problems with my MIL doing the same thing and we moved across the country and she still tries! While living next to her it was mommy bought clothes for the kids, she would buy some too and guilt trip them into wearing what she bought instead. Mommy does a craft, she did one and suggested how much better it was. Mommy makes cookies with them, she would make cookieswith them saying how much more fun it was to do it with her. Mommy disagrees with her, she tells kids I am confused and sad and that she prays for me just like they should. Mommy plans a party, she has one just before mommy for them. Mommy has a surprise she happens to come by with a big gift just before. Mommy says no, she gives it to them behind my back. “It’s our little secret, don’t tell mommy”.She has even talked to our child’s school on our behalf and I have found letters addressed “to the parent or guardian” on her desk. And she even played the guardian and enrolled the kids in swim class without our permission. There are no stopping a MIL like that unless your husband truly puts you first! Our next step is no contact what so ever with her if it continues. Oh, and be careful if there is a 100% turn around from your MIL because most likely it is to take you off your guard and she is scheming something.