Mother-in-Law HELL

My mother in law Joanne is controlling and just sad. Yesterday I was in San Diego on business and I called my spouse’s family who live in San Diego and who I have known for about 15 years, and said, hey I’m in town, it would be great to see you if that works for you if not no big deal. My spouse’s “Uncle Jimmy” and I spoke and he was genuinely happy to hear from me and said he’d talk to Cheryle (his wife) and look to swing by the hotel where I was staying, a nice place Coranado hotel.
He didn’t call back and you know I really did not think anything of it since such a last minute request and I was busy doing my thing at a conference, but today he calls and apologizes that he did not call yesterday and said that they are ‘not aloud to hang out with me.’ These are grown adults and I just say, “what do you mean by that?” He said that “Joanne (mil) won’t let them hang out with me.” I just said “that is ridiculous, are you serious?” and he said “welcome to the 4th grade,” “I like you, I’m interested in what you are doing and I like the coronado, but we’re not allowed to hang out with you because of the feud between you and Joanne”— “he has the same thing with his other son and his wife”… I guess I’m over the mil thing because I’m truly not upset, and just said okay no big deal steadily… I mean I wanted to see them, but didn’t need to.

I guess I’m not surprised because i have learned about controlling people who feel so bad about themselves and seriously are so sad and fearful that the only thing they know how to do is alienate others, be controlling and throw fits… Now mind you my mother in law lives in Long Island NY so how this not aloud thing plays out across the country in Cali is just silly and immaturity at it’s best, controlling and down right manipulative at it’s worst…

The other thing I’ve learned is to watch someone’s character over time and know the past predicts the future. This fits my mil to a t- as her pattern has her doing all she can to alienate her husband from her boys and her husband’s friends with her constant belittling remarks (oh, look when you were sick where were your buddies), wants everyone to act like she thinks they should (without setting or agreeing on any expectations) and wants to be the boss of everything – she is right after all, is verbally abusive, apparently can control adults across the country, and truly at over 50 looks and sounds like a wrinkled up 4th grader (chronic smoker, sun worshiper and sad soul = you look like hell).

This women, did not speak to her brother for a decade, would not talk to her sister and brother in law, got all ticky when this aunt talked to me “more than her” when she visited, wore black to her brother’s wedding, commented if I looked left or moved at all during my spouse’s surgery, was literally leaving her husband for dead at a hospital when he had a seizure because she “just couldn’t handle it,” yelled at her son for throwing up when he had cancer and called her children words like n***** nose when they were toddlers and has this infamous saying that she would yell at the boys “what are you stupid!.” And this is nothing, I am holding back.

Sad.

After speaking with many pros, the healthiest thing one can do is to not have a relationship with these abusive, controlling narcissists that have nothing, have tried nothing and will remain nothing all the days of their lives, unless, they decide to change.

Keep moving forward.