My mother in law, since the day I met her has always been a very kind, sweet, giving and selfless woman…I can’t stress that enough. However, there is another side of her that is hateful as ever.
She is always picking at me and my weight… now, I am not a “big” girl by any means, and even if I was, I don’t believe that has anything to do with her what-so-ever! I am an average 21 yr old woman, and while I wouldn’t mind toning up a bit…this still isn’t her place! Well, just the other day she said to me…”Have you gained weight since the wedding?” (mind you we married only 1 month ago) I said “No” (kindly as possible) And she comes back with “Oh, well your arms are looking bigger since the wedding”… Wow, thanks!?
I got over it…. then, the same day she put me in a state of anger I’ve never been in with her…
My husband and I are living with her and her husband for the time being, which isn’t something we want but have no other options at this moment. We live way too far from my family and any of our friends. And, there are some issues keeping us stuck in her home, its a long and tiring story. But anyways, one morning my husband went to work, it was about 8am and I was up getting ready to work… Now maybe, 8 am isn’t early to some, but for my husband and I its early. Well I woke up and got ready and as I was leaving for work…. this woman had the nerve to say “If you were a good woman and could get up at a decent hour; you could take your husband something to eat”!! WOW??? WHO SAYS THIS!? I couldn’t believe it….
For one, last I checked, he is fully capable of preparing his ownn food… and for two, he wasn’t hungry when I spoke to him!… I have no problem making my husband something to eat, but I had spoke to him and he was fine. I wish she’d worry about her husband and let me worry about mine!! Keep her nose in her own marriage!
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9 Responses to ““If you were a good woman…””
I imagine your arms are bigger since your marriage…..fanning away all that hot air coming at you will build muscle. How’s your agility, has it gotten better from ducking and weaving her verbal punches? Ask her if the reason her ear has flattened out is from pressing it up to the wall to listen to you and your hubby.
Seriously, get on your fastest mode of transportation and start looking for a cheap place to live. Until you and your hubby MOVE OUT…you need to turn a deaf and I mean DEAF EAR to this “nice” woman.
1. You do not marry someone if you have to live in his Mommy’s house.
2. Regarding the “fat arms” comment. The reply is: “Oh my! YOU really must get your EYES checked? Are you okay? Are you losing your eyesight!?”
3. To the food comment: “Well, I thought my hubby was getting a little CHUBBY so it might be a good idea for him to CUT BACK.”
That said, as long as you reside in this crone’s house, YOU will be subjected to this abuse. Put on your thinking cap and figure a way OUT of her house. Even renting a room is better than living with the wicked MIL. “Nice” women do NOT make these types of comments.
These remarks are being made by a woman who is obviously passive aggressive. Read some good articles and books regarding passive aggressive people and how to deal with their hurtful, critical, and demeaning behavior. Passive aggressive people never learned how to be assertive and communicate with people in a positive and healthy manner. It used to be a psychiatric diagnosis but now it is more of a personality trait. When she says hurtful comments to you, call her out on it. For example, when she critiques your weight or appearance, say to her “What exactly are trying to say? That I am overweight. Your son thinks that I am beautiful the way I am and that is why he married to me.” When passive-aggressive people realize that you are onto them and you confront their behavior, they’ll stop. I did this with my PA MIL when she tried to belittle me, especially in front of other family members at holiday dinners. She looked ignorant and stupid in front of everybody and stopped doing it. Also, other family members began respecting me because they saw that I had a backbone and I set an example for them. They started confronting her too because before they were so used to it that they thought it was normal behavior. The witch had been putting down people for years before I came into the family and it was time to break the cycle.
The above advice to move out ASAP is right on target. Save your money and get out from under her thumb. Then, when you and your DH get your own place, start setting boundaries about visits, time spent with them, ect. Please do this early on in the marriage because it gets much worse when you have children. Start “training” your husband on how to set limits with his family and how not disrespect your marriage or you.
Heh. You know that ‘good woman’ comment is going to come up again, since she saw that it bugged you. So next time it does, just say ‘And of course YOU are the expert on being a good wife, aren’t you?’ Use the ‘tone’…the sickly sweet, utterly condescending tone that women immediately recognize and men rarely do. Then hubby thinks you’re being so nice, and your MIL will go all cat-butt-face but not be able to say anything for fear of looking bad in front of others.
If you have to play the game, play to win, honey. And spend the rest of your time getting your butt OUT of that house. Speaking as someone who has lived with her in-law for 14 long years (also a long, complicated reason that I don’t care to explain, like yourself), you have to establish your place and make your stand, or it will be hell on earth as long as you’re there.
The mother-in-law comes is a nag. She treats the men in her life like this and she gets her way. She is trying the same method that works so well on her hubby and her son.
I take it she is a stay at home wife. In which case her advice about waking up an hour early to make sure your man is well fed should be done. He is after all taking full responsibility for the family’s financial well being.
You are a working woman so I believe you should be held to a different standard.
The nagging about the weight. She is trying to help you realize in a very annoying way that gaining weight is sure fire way to make many men
start looking else where to satisfy their sexual needs.
Counter this idiot’s lame attack with humor.I know if you are only 21 you are probably as cute as a button and MIL is just jealous.Jealous people put others down as a way of making themselves feel better becasue they are pathetic.
The next time your evil MIL comments on your “big” arms,just look at that dumb B and say in your best Popeye the Sailor voice
“I’m strong to the finish ’cause I eats me spinnich!Ugg Ugg Uggh Uggh!!!!”
Or tell her Yes,Thank You, my arms are bigger because I am planning to enter the next female cage fighting competition when it comes to town and I plan to knock my opponant’s teeth out with my strong arms!
Or
Yes actually my arms are bigger…I heard that every married girl should give herself a set of Bingo Wings (flappy underarm fat) as a Wedding Present!Isn’t that right,MIL???
OR
Yes my arms are bigger because it is traditional in my culture,and good luck, to bodily pick up your Mother In Law after the 6th month of marriage and throw her into an active volcano.Then we all sing songs and eat pie.(smile and walk away)
Tell her your arms are bigger from all of the creative vigorous married sex you and her son have been having lately.
As for the “If you were a good woman…” comment,tell her that
“Well actually that would be what a “good woman” was considered to be in 1955,but by today’s standards we “good women” know self sufficiency is more important so I am letting hubby make his own lunch.Good women today don’t have to make a man’s lunch,or wipe his ass for him, because we earn our own money and take care of ourselves.Men take care of themselves too.”
I LOOOVEEE the mental image of the active volcano tossing!!
I don’t think handling with humor would be a good idea. I’ve tried that in my situation, and to my MIL it seems to make her think she can get away with more.
I am starting to think the only way to deal with these people is to carefully dish it right back to them. But I haven’t tested my theory much yet. Good luck.
Hit back at her put downs with some of your own. Tell her you admire that she doesn’t colour her grey hair. Tell her you’ve seen a fantastic sale on denture adhesive, incontinet pads and orthepedic shoes and bras. Another one I find works wonders is to tell her she ALWAYS looks so nice in that outfit (as if to assume she wears it all the time.) Trust me I’ve been through 2 MIL’s and growing old is their biggest insecurity. Seen as she’s trying to hit a nerve by commenting on your weight, treat her the same so she knows how it feels. As for this if you were a good wife crap, tell her times have changed and we no longer live in the dark ages anymore. It riles me when some people think the wife is supposed to be the one that always sorts out the husbands meals. My Bf workmates seem to think I should be the one to make his lunch for him. I’m sorry but if they are incapable of making themselves a sandwhich, your not exactly dealing with a man are you? You work, he works it’s an equal partnership and in that sense say to her that you had work too how come he didn’t bring you something to eat? Move out as soon as you can living with the MIL is a big no no and can put a huge strain on the strongest relationship. Advise anyone who is considering it to never ever do it. After all the stories I’ve heard and the ones I’ve read on here your more likely to end up playing a game of dungeons and dragons than happy families. So move out ASAP. And don’t let her get to you, your husband thinks your good wife so who cares what his mother thinks. You didn’t marry him to please her.