First of all, I am from Asia and I am single, but I would like to share 2 shocking observation I had encountered regarding a MIL and DIL.
First, I don’t know about the beliefs of other countries, but there is a belief in my country that an infertile woman may become fertile through womb massage done by chiropractors. Now there was a well known chiropractor from Taiwan who visited my country. Quite a number of patients visited him, (I was one of them because of my recurring stiff neck), including women who wanted to conceive. Whilst I was waiting, the secretary called a woman in to see the chiropractor. She was accompanied by her MIL. I noticed that she arrived not so long ago and was still panting. And because she seemed tired and was wearing high heels, she wasn’t able to stand up immediately to get inside the chiropractor’s office. Her MIL, (who is a lot bigger and taller than the DIL) became furious and pushed her violently that she tripped, but luckily was able to hold on to a chair, thus breaking her fall. She then shouted to the DIL (in her extremely loud voice that echoed throughout the entire waiting room), saying “Such a lazy and worthless *****, who cannot even give birth for so long, and is too laxed and not eager to see the doctor! Worthless scum blah blah blah”, and she went on and on, ranted and raved to the poor DIL, who was very embarrassed and didn’t dare to argue with the MIL.
Second, my friend is married to a doctor (she is 24, he is 35). While her husband is still single, every cent he earned was handed over to his mother (his mother demanded it). His mother then gives him back around 10% of his earnings for carfare and other minute expenses and she keeps the 90%. Even though it is unnatural that a son hands over all of his earnings to his mother, I can still accept because he lives with her and loves her very much. However, after he married my friend, his mother continued to control ALL of his earnings. His wife gets nothing and he also get nothing other than the 10% carfare. My friend is not working, and if she needs money, and she asks for some from her husband, he tells her to “beg” from his mother (BEG, not ask, mind you). And when she does, the MIL treats her like a child, asking my friend to give her full accountability on the money she gives her. (eg: 1. buy food – $100, 2. buy clothes – $23.48 etc etc), and she has to return any excess, even when it’s just a few cents, back to the MIL.
My friend cannot tolerate such behavior, so she talked to her husband about this, but he retaliated saying that his mother is very important and deserves all his earnings. When she pushed him further, he had the nerve to say, “I can replace my wife but I can’t replace my mother.” This made my friend so angry and frustrated.
Such scenarios made me think if it is worth it to get married if husbands have such domineering mothers.
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6 Responses to “Domineering MIL”
My inlaws are Asian as well. They are very old school and remind me how worthless and disrespectful I am every chance they get. Too bad for them that I do not care a fig what they think — and that they also have a horrible, independent son who ignores all their advice and demands (and LOVES his wife MORE than them!). As long as the future husband is not stilted in that wacko culture of berating the daughter-in-law and wanting the inlaws to control everything, then your marriage can work just fine. I am living proof of that.
Regarding your poor friend. As she hands that dreadful husband of hers the divorce papers, she can announce that it is now “time for him to replace his wife.” She should not spend one more unacceptable minute in that doomed relationship. Once she has a child it is going to get a MILLION times worse! And she will be tied to that awful family forever. You are wise to be very careful about getting married/remaining single.
Maybe it’s time for a distinction?
NOT all inlaws are from hell so to speak. I, myself, have never really spoken to my mother in law. We exchange pleasantries at the holidays and family events and chat for a while. My issue is my overly competetive and braggart of a sister in law.
You will never find someone who doesn’t have that one abbrassive Pain In The A$$ member of the family. The point is to be strong and remember that one on is allowed to treat you badly. People will only treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated.
Find someone who is going to stand up for you and put you ahead of mommy dearest.
That should say No one…Lack of sleep makes spelling BAD
“I can replace my wife but I can’t replace my mother.” What does this mean then why dont they sleep with their own mother that way dont have to replace anyone. Men are idiots and women are stupid to trust them. I have an arrogant mother-in-law and an husband who does what ever she says. how ever stupid it might be. Wish the world was like Men are gays and Women are lesbians this way we could understand each other feelings well.
When we invited our in-laws to stay a couple of days for a visit, my
MIL insisted that she and her husband sleep in my bed! I told my
husband NO and he kept arguing with me about it. We purchased
two sleeper sofas one in the family room and one in the beautifully
decorated guest bedroom for the in-laws to choose from. Yet she wanted
my bedroom. Any how I put my foot down and said No. They slept
in the guest bedroom where they belonged.
I was in a similar situation. When my husband and I were engaged a year before we were married, I was easily frustrated by his mom! She was such an arrogant & controlling person that it was impossible to make her understand the American life…
- She would always ask us where we were going and why
- What did we do and what did we spend our money on
- Everytime she saw us, she’d continue to lecture us about life (my husband and I are adults and clearly we don’t need any lecturing about life).
- She would always call my husband’s phone all the time asking him to do favors for her (pure laziness I tell you!)
- One time my husband came home from work tired, and right when he was ready to go to bed, she walked in his room and asked him to put gas for her car (really selfish). His dad would pull stunts like that too not as severe.
- My parents in law are MONEY HUNGRY so yes, they’re greedy and even though they have money, they try to talk my husband into paying for most of their things such as their car and credit cards
- when we told my parents in law we were moving out, they went hysterical and kept lecturing us about living with them and save our money (but I’d much rather save myself from my crazy MIL!)
- Last but not least, there are a lot of hurtful things my MIL did to me that I can’t forgive her for. Needless to say, I won’t mention what but let’s just say she took a portion of my heart and permantly deflated it. She’s crazy, arrogant, selfish, and a coniving liar.
So 2 months before my husband and I were going to get married, I told myself, I have to talk to my husband about how I feel before he marries me. So we did and I assure you, men will never undertand a woman’s point of view especially when it is about his parents. It was a difficult discussion because I saw in his eyes he didn’t want to accept the truth. So I told him “I’m NOT asking you to choose, I’m asking you to set limits on your mother’s actions. If you can’t do that, then I can’t marry you. But keep in mind that when I’m no longer in your life, your mother will NEVER be able to give you the kind of love I’m giving you!” Whew! It sure felt good to let everything off my chest. After that, my husband finally stood up for himself and set the tone clearly to his parents! A’llelujah!
So the only person that can really fix a mother-in-law situation is your husband! He has to set the tone otherwise MIL will keep haunting your relationship. She needs to know her limits, that’s all.