Mother-in-Law HELL

Hi, i need help please. My mil did almost everything to break my husband and myself up for 11 years now.But now she is trying to worm herself into our lives. The relationship we have is when i see you i see you. The problem is she has hurt me in so may ways , calling me and my kids a “P”. then denying it , and saying she only said it cos she was cross. My husband don’t spoil his sisters like he spoils mine, he then said because he doesnt have a bond with them but he still see’s them as his sister’s not step sisters. Well the point is she is trying to get back into our lives by calling me as if everything is ok, i am still hurting for everything she has done to me , emotionally she drained me and i think 11 years of her shit is enough. My mom says i should be cival but i dont’ have to tolerate her.Inspite of her hurting me i still try and be the better person cos it is my husbands mother and i dont’ want himt o hold it against me one day. BUT enough is enough, she lies about everything, she told me that she wants me to be straight with her and not keep things away as she wants to be apart of our lives, BUT DEEP DOWN i don’t want that… She only comes into our lives when she wants something or if she can benefit in anyway, I believe a mother’s love should be unconditional, but hers is not…I dont’ know if she is really or fake, she has done to many things to hurt me and that scare is still their, What do i do ????This is the letter i wrote her but she tore it up infront of me telling me i must tell ehr to her face, not with a letter i’m not deaf and dumb…I don’t know where to begin, because this is something I have been wanting to do for so many years,,,Firstly I want you to know “I HAVE NEVER FORGIVEN YOU”and you have not asked me for forgiveness
I have been living with this pain in my heart for so long , you have scared my heart I’m not sure if I’ll be able to completely heal it, I don’t have a chance to deal with the hurt you’ve caused me because I’m always worried about my husbands relationship with you, I’m constantly trying to make peace between you two cos I know how deep his hurt goes as well. But I was wrong, I should of dealt with the hurt you caused me, and let ur son deal with his issues with you on his own..And because of this it has been affecting my marriage from day one… I am taking this hurt out on your son which is not fair….
I was expecting him to help me heal but it’s clear I have to tell you in order for me to heal myself…I know this is awful time with ma’s death , but uncle roy made something clear we need to make peace and heal , the only way I can do this is it I tell you exactly what it is ….I have been smiling with you but honestly I felt like just going to my room and not communication with you , but out of respect I have acted , because you are my husbands mother that has put me thru so much pain and anger I looked pass it and smiled.
Before I continue I need you to understand I’m going to need time to heal from all the hurt because you have never truly apologize to me , so our relationship is very unstable with you guys… WE were talking the other night and he said when you not involved in our lives we are so happy but when you come into it for 3 months or 2 months it’s rocky cause I reply everything I have been put thru by you.
I don’t know if you noticed , but I picked up , you and uncle pat come around for a while then something happens and you stay away- Now you tell me is does that not say that there is something wrong-
You are suppose to be our pillar of strength but you not – you suppose to love us unconditionally .This issue goes way back from when I started dating ur son and it’s still continues.
1. You have slandered my name thru your family and by pats family which came out by my mom ( is that not suppose to hurt ) You hardly knew me yet spoke bad about me, today you want to say if only I never listened to people- well if you did I think things would have been different.
2. You told my kids to “f” out your house – how was I suppose to feel
3. You said to my “P” and my kids ( then you say you were cross ) not once did I ever say your sisters “P”
4. You told me ur son calls you and confide in you ( which he denies)
5. When you went thru this difficult time u came to me saying ur husband said we must be there for you cause you were there for me during my pregnancies
6. You were not obligated to be there – but you wanted to – so were we not obligated to be there for you but I said inspite of everything lets go and see how your mom is doing ,,,, He did’nt want to but I kept saying lets go – that is my nature you can wrong me it’s fine – I will deal with it in my own way.
7. You were the cause that my husband and I use to fight and that I got beaten up – because your sisters told us you said this about me and I use to provoke him that is how we landed up
8. I am tired of listening to people , I am tired of listening to your lies , so I think he toldyou when you enter our house you don’t come to talk about people you come and talk about the weather or about things in general ,
9. I have tolerated a lot , and I think it’s time I let it out…. Reagan’s issues with you he can talk about so I won’t ponder on that ….
10. All I wanted is a mother in law I can confide in , trust , and be totally honest. You have no clue how deep this scare goes but I feel I don’t deserve to be quiet any longer ,
11. I honestly feel you were FAKE towards me and my kids , I don’t expect you to buy my kids stuff , I can do that , but as a grand mother you were hurt when uncle’s pats family said things about your kids as a mother how do you feel I must of felt when you said things about my kids…
12. Lastly cause I can’t think of everything you did to me cause it’s so deep – when I did your washing I did it cause I know you have problems with your machine , but I never expected it to be 7 black backs which amounted to 14 loads of washing . Then you still suggest I wash ur daughters hair – now you tell me is that person not using your or thinking nothing of you also knowing it’s a long weekend I might of also had plans… You told me my mother told you it’s fine the machine does the washing – which I confronted her cos I told her I did not like the comment she made it was my time – she said she never said that she said it is nice f me to do your washing so why did you have to add on a tail.
13. I know my husband acts rashionally , which he did but I think he also had enough of me complaining about my hurt you cause so I’m glad he asked you to come her tonight
14. In conclusion – I don’t know how long it’s going to take for me to heal cause this was a build up inside for many years…
you have done so much other things to me which I can’t name all , but I can’t live like this any longer , you say hurtful things expecting things just to go back to normal and I can’t do that …I done it for my husband and I can’t any longer…