Please help me know that I am not mean or out of line in my thinking. My husband and I got married 8 months ago, and I started to see it start then. His sister left before the photos could be taken because, supoosedly, her son, who was the ring bearer, was getting tired! Well, in December we found out that we were pregnant. When we told her she said, “I’ll hurt you if you have a girl first!” She also annouced that her and her boyfriend were thinking of working on number two for them. Well, shortly after we miscarried. Easter came and because she has a new house, all holidays are her “first” there, is MIL has to go there only?! Well, magicly three months later, she is pregnant! Now am I wrong or mean to not be excited for them? My husband is really upset and says how now his mother will never be around for us. Plus, if we get pregnant now, it will be overshawdowed by hers. What am I to do? It is just not fair. If it were me I would have waited, but that is just me. I just can’t be happy for her when we are so frustrated after 8 months of tryign for our first!
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12 Responses to “Competitive Sister-in-Law”
Please do not take this the wrong way, I believe you are jealous out of grief over the loss of your own child. Yes she sounds competetive but you mustn’t let that infultrate your love for your family.
She was horrible to even job about hurting you if you had a girl first.
She is petty and needs to be the center of attention. Concentrate on your health and your husband and ignore the rest of the morons.
I am very sorry for your loss.
People who do not experience infertility and/or miscarriage cannot understand the grief you have or loss you have suffered. They bop along their merry way, clueless that they are even being rude; although that is exactly what they are being.
Why would you be jealous/concerned over some idiot who has no sense and gets pregnant for a second time outside of marriage? She is somebody who wants to have her cake and eat it too. Not the best of role models.
You really cannot seriously focus on what morons do. Morons will be morons, plain and simple. Your most intelligent sister-in-law illustrates this quite well. If anything, pity her and her poor choices.
And stop worrying if a new pregnancy of yours would be “overshadowed” by the SIL’s. Just be thankful a baby is on the way, when it is on the way. Period.
First of all, let me say I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my first child too. As far as the petty comments go, that’s up to you whether you want to nip it in the bud now, or let it go on until your pushed to the edge and have to say something. My advice is, nip it now. Try not to worry about her pregnancy, because whatever she does she has to be the center of attention. I too have a sil like that…it’s always about them all the time. No matter what you do or don’t do, she will always be in competition because she’s jealous. Just try to stay away from her as much as possible and concentrate on making yourself happy.
Try not to let anything bother you, especially if you are trying to fall pregnant, harder said then done but it’s necessary.
Also, have you heard of a herbal mixture called Vitex? Vitex (Vitex agnus-castus, Monk’s Pepper or Chaste Tree) is a pretty amazing herb. It works on the ovaries via the hypothalamus and pituitary gland. It can correct progesterone deficiency, and is wonderful for normalizing the menstrual cycle and encouraging regular ovulation. It is beneficial for both lengthening short cycles and shortening long menstrual cycles, and also helps to reduce pre-menstrual symptoms – especially breast tenderness, acne and fluid retention. It is well known for its fertility enhancing abilities, and it is often prescribed when TTC and pre-IVF. Usually Vitex is used pre-conceptually and only sometimes continued into early pregnancy. You can buy Vitex from health food shops, but as with all herbs, I highly recommend having it prescribed by a Naturopath or Herbalist at the right dose for you.
I agree with mommy05. Just remember that although what she’s doing seems so annoying right now, it really doesn’t matter in the whole scheme of things. You and your husband should just focus on your own family and don’t even pay attention to what she does. Who really cares who has the first girl? I am also very sorry for your loss, and I wish you luck with any future children.
You have had a real eye opener as to your SIL’s character…she really doesn’t have a sterling one.
You should be concerned with your body healing after your miscarriage. The feelings you are having about her pregnancy are normal, you aren’t being “mean”. What you are doing is called grieving for you own loss.
One thing you mentioned that I have to ask about….does your Hubby feel he is second best in his mother’s eyes to his sister? I ask this because mine has always run last behind his sisters in his mother’s affection and it can be a horrible way to deal with life…see if yours would like to talk to someone about this issue.
Along with the above posters, I am truly sorry for the loss of your child.
Well, there is a bright side to this: since your SIL is having a baby, and your MIL is obsessively focused on her, you won’t have to worry so much about MIL interfering when YOU finally have your own kids. And it’s a big eye-opener for your DH on just how little his mother actually cares about him and what a waste of time it is for him to try and impress her.
Whatever you do, don’t stress about your own fertility/eventual conception. Stress and worry always lower your chances of success, which you likely already know. Just relax and let things happen in their own time. It’s not a race, not a competition with your obnoxious SIL – and really, do you WANT to compete with someone you obviously don’t get along with? I’d say the less you have to do with her, and the less you think about her, the better.
Hang in there, hon.
I guess nobody will understand what it’s like to miscarriage unless they’ve been in the same shoes.
My condolences for your loss.
However I don’t think feeling you might be over shadowed should stop you trying. You and your husband will still give each other and the baby all the love and happiness and that is what really matters and counts.
she is probably jealous, but make this a positive thing instead of a negative thing. People are only jealous of what they lack.
You’ll be fine.
First of all my condolences for your loss. I had a threat of m/c and know how you feel. God will give you another chance soon
Also let me ask you this “Do you want a baby or do you want to be “not overshadowed” by your SIL’s baby?”
Looks like you are more concerned about who gets more attention and not about having a healthy baby. Concentrate on yourself and your family and forget about your SIL who does not seem to be very rational adequate person
I feel your pain! My sister in law is doing almost the same thing to me! I don’t like hating people, but this woman makes it impossible not to! I dread having her in my life for the rest of my life. Hope it gets better for you. I’m sorry for your loss, good luck!
Perhaps you could nicely mention that she must really be feeling badly about herself for having a pregnancy without the marriage first. Really, what is she trying to accomplish? It’s obvious she doesn’t feel good enough about herself or she would have married first, then tried to get pregnant…..
And why would she ever want to hurt you unless she’s evil; stay away from her and be careful when you have to endure her…. Take care of yourself!! You’re much better than her!!!!
“His sister left before the photos could be taken because, supoosedly, her son, who was the ring bearer, was getting tired!”
Speaking as a mother and a grandmother, she did you a huge favor. Small children, generally speaking, are good for about 2 hours max before the nuclear meltdowns start. Weddings wear small children out- too much excitement going on. That was actually a good thing that she did; that was not a slight to you. That was a very generous and courteous thing that she did for you and your husband. She wouldn’t have been able to take pictures if she was dealing with a nuclear meltdown, either.
Do not give one thought- ever- to being “overshadowed”. Every baby is a wonderful thing, no matter if they are 1st, 2nd, or 99th. Do what is best for you and your husband, and ignore her.
Do not get caught up in her silly game-playing. There are no winners in that sort of thing.