I Can Say No to Her, But She Brings Reinforcements
by Ally on 03/11 @ 9:40pmIn short, my MIL is very controlling and manipulative. When I got married whenever I told her about a detail she didn’t like she would try to talk me out of it. I would thank her for her advice but say I planned to do it my way repeatedly. She would then talk to my husband about it, who would stand by me. Then she would talk to my mother about it and ask my mom to put pressure on me to change my mind. My mom would refuse, but my MIL would come to me and lie and say my mom wanted me to do things my MIL’s way! When that would fail, she called her church repeatedly complaining about me to the point where the church refused to marry us because they were tired of her complaining. She would also call her friends and family members and tell them to call me to talk some sense into me! Some would. Needless to say that she made wedding planning and the wedding itself hell.
Now the wedding is over, but my husband and I are thinking of starting a family and I know she’s not going to like how we plan to raise our children. While I really want to have a baby, the thought of her engaging in the tactics she did when I got married makes me want to become permanently sterilized. The only way I could get her to back off with the wedding was by not telling her anything (and then I got criticized for being secretive and shutting her out of the wedding planning by the relatives). I don’t think that this will work as well when we have kids, though, for obvious reasons. Has anyone else encountered this and do you have anything suggestions to give? Thanks.
Loading ...
Advice
2 Responses to “I Can Say No to Her, But She Brings Reinforcements”
I have dealt, for a long while, with a controlling, whining MIL much like yours. If I won’t listen, she rushes off to others to “tell” me what to do. Like that is going to change anything!
The only thing you can do with a nutter like this is to be very vague. You CANNOT give her ANY information about yourself or your plans. Respond to everything this troll asks with, “I don’t know” or “I haven’t given that any thought.” She can offer all the advice she wants, but it won’t be much if she is not sure of the subject.
As far as the stupid accusation of you being “secretive” or “shutting her off” when people suggest this, you say, “Why, I don’t know what on earth she can be talking about!? I already TOLD her that! Maybe she is going senile? Perhaps she needs to be evaluated?”
Good luck! It only gets wose with kids. Been there, done that. My best advice to deal with a hag of a MIL and kids is to stick to your guns, choose your battles and SET and STICK TO strict boundaries with the old biddy.
One more thing to add to Disrespectful’s list of items. Start the cut off process of this godzilla mom now. Limit her time and interactions with you to the barest mimimum.