My FMIL apparently just bought the dress she plans to wear to my wedding . . . a WHITE dress. Maybe she too would like to wear a veil? I shouldn’t even joke, you never know! I’m trying very hard to keep an open mind with her many opinons for the wedding but this is to much! How can I nicely explain that this is unacceptable? Also, his family is foreign so they don’t understand the same traditions that we do in America (or that’s how it seems anyway from all of the other events that have taken place in the course of our engagement). She is also a VERY pushy woman. When I have turned down her ideas in the past she doesn’t give up. It’s almost as if she feels it’s HER wedding. I just don’t get it. I thought everyone knew that you don’t wear white to someone else’s wedding. Any Advice?
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7 Responses to “Stealing my thunder”
Well, in Asian cultures red is the bride’s color. See if your Dear Hubby to Be can give you a little cultural insight on this one before you head off to talk to her.
If your pushy FMIL is Asian, then white is associated with the color of death — and she is REALLY sending you a mean message, just not insulting/snubbing you or trying to steal your thunder. And Asian MILs are SUPER PUSHY!
I dont think culture has anything to do with it. My mother isnt from here, I know alot of people who are not from the US and they all know you dont wear the same color as the bride. If the bride is wearing Green, blue, black or white no one in the bridal party should wear the same color…. She is trying to be the focus of attention. Some one wearing a white dress at a wedding is going to stand out. when you try and explain to her that she needs to pick another color relate it to her culture and how they do things. Ask her how they do things where she is from. and then ask if they wear the same color as the bride… she will most likely say no… and when she does ask why. She will answer and then you can ask why she is wearing the same color as you… offer to go with her to find something new. Me I try not to give advice that I feel make it worse. yelling, demanding, cutting people out of your life is only temp fix and doesnt really make it better. Cuz in the end you dont want you DH to hate you or hold any type of annimosity towards you for his relationship with his mother to go bad.
Sometimes these MIL “relationships” cannot be repaired. For example, one cannot have a “relationship” with a cobra no matter how hard one tries. Sometimes the recommended solutions — while they do not “improve” the situation with the MIL, or make the MIL happy — are to either keep the daughter-in law sane, or keep her one step ahead of being purposly abused/taken advantage of/controlled by the troll MIL.
If I could shut my MIL/FIL off completely, I would. But there is no way either of them is getting access to my children without me sitting there and watching every move. So, I happily sacrifice my own convenience for the sake of my children. Without my babies in the picture, you’d better believe I’d have nothing to do with MIL/FIL — and I’d be permanantly happier for it. My husband could visit all he wanted, BY HIMSELF.
There is so nice way to explain this to the clueless FMIL. You’re gonna have to stand your ground and tell her, “no.” Suggest she get the same dress in a different color. If she refuses to wear a color other than white, then she can’t come to the wedding. My MIL tried to pull this, but she wanted to wear black. I live in the deep south and it is a total slap in the face to the bride if the MIL wears black. I told under no circumstances was she to wear black to my wedding. It’s one day thats all about me and my husband. We said no and she wore gray. Close to black, but not so bad.
Well, gray is better than purple…isn’t that mourning color lite?
OMG…I feel your pain! My Asian MIL wanted to wear red or burgundy to my wedding and the message came through the sister instead. They cornered me about it so I had to get my fiance at that time involved. We then went to visit them for a holiday and the future MIL pulled me into her closet and asked me what I wanted her to wear. I pointed to a platinum gray dress with pastel colored flowers because it was the only non-neon colored dress in her closet. So as I thought this was a done deal, I should have known it was too good to be true she would cooperate. She showed up to our wedding in some neon pink asian dress. I mean, it couldn’t have stood out anymore. She literally thought she was the belle of the ball, so much that I got my wedding pictures back and I for some reason she is standing beside me in all the family/wedding party portraits. Furthermore I found out through my photographer that the MIL pulled her aside and told her to take a lot of pictures of her!! My photographer that my husband and I paid for, on our wedding day. I nearly threw up when I got the pics back, there must have been about 60 pictures just of the MIL and FIL. Needless to say I went off on my photographer, and my husband for his mother’s actions. This did not go over well, but this woman is a total nut job! I am livid.