It’s so incredible to hear all these stories! I’m not crazy! My fiance’s mother is the passive aggressive type and I CAN’T STAND IT! She and his sister talk about everybody literally as soon as they walk out the door. I am paranoid around them because I would be ignorant to think that they weren’t talking about me as soon as I left the room too. They can’t tell you what they are thinking to your face-you have to watch their body language. That’s only one issue though. My FMIL babies my fiance too; every time he comes home she does his laundry, she bakes him cookies and banana bread, she cooks meals galore and even gave him a credit card to use that she would pay for if he ever wanted to use it. My fiance says that she just wants to help but at some point you need to draw the line. She calls at least once a day, but mostly 2-3 times a day, and if my fiance gets annoyed with her for calling so much, she starts the infamous GUILT. Anyone else have a MIL that has this terrible gift? It has reached a head recently because we are moving down south and she isn’t happy about it. She cries to him on the phone and makes him feel guilty about wanting to move. His sister even called him and told him about jobs around them AFTER we told them we were leaving. They keep pressuring us to stay around them. And yes, things could be worse. At least they want us around. But, we have a right to live our life together, don’t we? My situation isn’t horrible like some I have read, but she is the kind of MIL that just eats away at you. My finace understands what I am saying, but he still gets defensive at times. Any advice?
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10 Responses to “Passive-Aggressive mother-in-law and sister-in-law!”
I can imagine he gets defensive, he has been enduring these women all his life. He can’t get away from the fallout they bring, let alone control it. He is doing that ineffective duck and cover move.
Stick to your guns and MOVE! Let them cry and plead, but do get caller id and use it. Screen the calls and ignore theirs. Call them when you are both good and ready and be prepared to “have to answer the door” and hang up …. when they start the whine.
You know that they enjoy the sport of trash talking everyone behind their backs, you included. Not a thing you can do about that,(though visions of massive amounts of duck tape do pop to mind) just be glad you aren’t hearing it to your face. Good Luck!
They are not sad that YOU are moving. They are sad that HE is moving. They will give as much grief as possible. You really must listen to Louise and screen your calls. There is no need for you to have to speak with either of these people. And if they are talking about you behind your back, just make sure they know as little as possible about you. The less ammo they think they have, the better.
I remember one guy I was dating — his mother was a NUT! The second or thrid time I was over she started talking about how aliens were probably here on earth, walking among us, without our knowledge. And she was SERIOUS. I could not stand the woman, even so early on, as she was so negative and judgemental, so I pretended to be “one of the ailiens” while around her/alone from then on. It made for much amusement. Needless to say, this relationship did not last. I finally DUMPED the guy, told him I could NOT stand his mother and never looked back!
My husband is very defensive of his mom too and will not stand up against her even if she is really wrong….MOVE…distance is goingto be a blessing!!! My MIL just moved in and after 20 years of happy marriage I’m ready to leave him!!!!!
Wow. This sounds alot like my MIL; however, mine has taken it even further. She will call the names to my face now (she use to just talk behind my back). But I have come to realize the trash talking is coming out of jealousy and misery. It isn’t me personally, it is the fact I took her little boy away. My MIL has no real friends, no job, and no one to really talk to (including her husband). I think it makes her feel better about her life to trash others. This could easily be what your MIL is doing.
Now I live 2,000 miles+ from my in laws (we moved south as well) and it still hasn’t fixed it. The calling still happens and the guilt trip if he doesn’t answer happens more now than ever. My husband I have better jobs, house, and life now that we moved, but she doesnt want to see the happiness he and I have now. She is just mad he moved. The point is the reform has to come from your husband. It is hard but my husband is slowly starting to see his mother for who she is, and until your husband can see that, this problem will always exsist no matter where you live.
Move! My MIL moved and it was like a big weight being lifted. I agree with other comments, that they do not want HIM to move. But you will have some peace if you they are only able to rule at a distance. K posted and is right, it really is his issue to see but I guarantee you dealing with it 2x a year in person versus all the time has it’s advantages.l
Move away! way way away from them
Move now and fast!!!!! The further you can get away from them the better!!!! They don’t care about you, they only want him close to them and at their beck and call!! Get out of there!
“Anyone else have a MIL that has this terrible gift [of guilt-tripping]?”
*raises hand*
I’ll agree with others….move. move…move!
My DH gets defensive as well. He even blames me for his family not talking to him! His family are not talking to him because his mother controlls all of them! She manipultes them all by making them dependent on her and so if she is annoyed then they all have to rally round her because they would suffer for it if they didn’t.
She has an uncontrolable urge to make me and my DH feel guilty about the most small and stupid things which she has blown way out of proportion and makes it very clear how hurt and upset she is over it all. The fact is, we don’t do anything wrong! In fact over the last few months I have avoided her because I don’t want to give her anything to scrape up and mould into lies. Unfortunately I didn’t realise that she would go to the extent of spying on me through my BIL’ s social network page! She took something I wrote on there completely out of contexts and trhough it in my face!
The next thing I know, I will say the sky is blue and she will tell me I am a liar and all the FIL will back her up! This is no joke! I actually think this could happen!
My MIL & SIL are BOTH passive aggressive & I sympathize with you all.They team up on my husband and talk crap about the entire family just like your situation. It is very sad that people live like this and think it is okay to treat people so poorly. Every single time I spoeak with my SIL or MIL, they make a jab at me or have something rude to say. My husband & I just got married a few months ago and have been together going on 4 years. They have always been selfish people who love to place guilt trips on my husband but recently it has been getting way worse. I am the type pf person that will say something and like to get things off my chest but this is a different situation. I can’t just tell them off because then I look like the lunatic. I don’t know how to deal with them. We try not to go around them as much or deal with their drama. But somehow they find a way to to put their toxic comments in even if we don’t ask for their opinion nor want it.
So far I have killed them with kindness but I don’t know how much longer I can do that. I so badly want them to stay away but know its wishful thinking. What makes it worse is my MIL just got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer so no one says anything to her when she acts evil, the entire family is passive with it. Ugh…cancer is not an excuse to be a jerk 24/7. I know that sounds bad but she feels well enough to cause drama still so she can’t be that ill. Most people want to mend relationships, not make things worse.
I wish I could understand why people are so miserable…misery loves company & I refuse to join them.
My husband and I couldn’t be happier together but they are not happy for us and that hurts.