Let me first start off by saying that my husband is an ONLY child, I have this theory that women who only have only one child a (boy) are bound to be the worst kind of MILS there is & heres why, first off they ONLY have ONE child & second they know they HAVE TO eventually share their ONLY baby with another women someday and when that day comes WATCH OUT it becomes a power struggle! I have been dating my husband for 6 yrs and we just got married about 2 mths ago in September, unfortunately we had CARDS stolen on our wedding day with over 1,500 in them. My family is welthy and his family is not. My parents paid for the whole wedding and it was about $210 a plate. I was brought up that when you go to a wedding , function, birthday party, or even a chistening & it is held out at a expensive place with a (sit down) dinner not (buffet style) you give a gift to cover the cost of your plate- Has anyone else heard of this before because I know its in the edicate hand book somewhere? In anycase in light of the fact that the economy is awful right now and times are tough We figured we would not be so fortunate to recieve that amount for our wedding but, when we started opening all the cards we were both shocked & my husband embarresed, when all four of his aunts (MILS sisters) gave $25.00 a couple! I have to say the first words out of my mouth was they must not like me! I knew them all for 6 yrs and have never had one single issue or negitive feeling from them or for them. When we finished opening all the cards we realized then that there were NO cards from about 5 people and my mother informed me that my grandmothers card had $1000 cash in it and it was missing so, we had the dawnting task of calling family members to see where they placed the cards and how much they gave.To make a long story short We sat with his mother and step father the next day to see what the deal was and the conversation got heated! She tryed to use the card theft to her familys bennifit and said that her sisters gave more money but, who ever stole the cards must have opened their cards and took their $50 bills out and replaced them with $25! Well, nice try but ALL the envelopes were still sealed and if people steal they dont leave behind change! By the end of the discusion I told her that we were sending all their cards back with the money and telling them we were offended and it seems like they need the money more then we do! She emediately started crying saying that I was tearing her family apart so I left. My MIL is on depression medican and crys at the drop of a hat and trows temper tantrums to get my husbands attention!(Now of corse I was just sayinig these things in anger I really would’nt have sent them back their cards!) I appologized about an hour later for the things that were said but, it was too late she had already called her siaters telling them that I was a selfish ungrateful B****! We recieved a NASTY e-mail from one of his aunts saying that my husband needs to be reminded of where he came from and when the money runs out your family will still be there! This fueled the fire for me and we ended up fighting for 2 days and leaving our honeymoon early! My MIL called my mother and father a week later and told them what she thought of my family and showed NO CLASS and I dont know if we can ever recover from all this! ANY ADVIICE? (On a side note we did have the police investigate the theft at our wedding & our wedding planners girlfriend confessed to steeling the money and we got all the money back!)
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Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the wildly-popular website, Mother in Law Hell.
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16 Responses to “WEDDING DAY MIL DRAMA!”
Okay, I understand you being upset about the money being stolen, but it does sound like you were a little rude. First of all, people should not be expected to give presents they cannot afford. I read Ms. Manners and she has covered this topic recently in her column. Couples can’t expect their guests to cover the cost of their food/entertainment at the wedding. Maybe it is in an edicate book for wealthy people? If $25 is all his family members could afford to give then you should have accepted it appropriately. One thing I do know about edicate, no matter how wealthy or not, it is not proper to make someone embarrassed because they can’t give what you expect. You should have been more gracious. The way you write it you sound greedy. You don’t get married to get money, you get married because you love someone. I think you have a whole lot of apologizing to do if you ever want to have any relationship with your husbands side of the family. Looking down on someone because they are not from money is improper. Trashy people come in all socio-economic levels.
Wow…you don’t have inlaw problems, you need to learn some manners. Fast.
You spoilt, selfish little child! What you did was incredibly rude. Maybe you should look in the etiquette book and it might perhaps teach you some manners.
It’s clear to me that this is all about the money for you and frankly, I can just picture the screaming child tantrum you threw at your poor new husband, ruining HIS honeymoon in the process.
It doesn’t matter if they gave you 25 bucks or 1000. They were there, wishing you well and showing support. You can’t buy Gucci with love though can you? Shame on you.
My Goodness you have behaved in the most appalling way and it is no wonder they are angry at you. Never have I ever attended a wedding where you were expected to contribute your plates value. Gift giving is a choice not an obligation and perhaps a $25 gift given by someone who can ill afford it is worth more than ten times as much from someone who can. How dare YOU make people feel bad for not being well off.
Time to grow up
I am completely gobsmacked.
All I want for my wedding from my bridesmaids (many of which are still in school and can not really afford gifts) is whatever they can contribute, be it buying some ribbon to decorate the hall, or doing my flower arrangements, helping me clean up afterwards, making sure I eat and stay hydrated.
Gifts have nothing to do with value and everything to do with the heart felt feelings in which they are given.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Well ladies, you all have said it! A wedding invitation is not a gimmie all you can card.
KIMBERLY, you need to sit your unhappy little butt down and write everyone an apology. You were stomping feelings right and left with those big clomping BRIDEZILLA boots you had under that wedding dress. Your poor hubby needs a Major Mea Culpa from you and you should give it to him immediately.
Just be on the alert…you most likely won’t even get a card on future events…and you won’t be deserving of any for quite some time I’m thinking.
I have heard about giving a gift that is approximately worth the amount of the plate. You knew before hand that his family was not well off, did you expect them to go into debt to buy you a lavish present, I mean you’re asking couples to pay more then $400 a gift….with that being said I’ve also heard that you don’t give in the thought of receiving. I’m glad your parents were able to pay for such a lavish meal, and I don’t think your new husband was as embarassed with what his aunts gave but more with how appalled you were on what you received. If you wanted a large “present” you could have asked for a less lavish wedding and asked for a dowry from your parents instead.
Whoa! To be honest, Kimberly, you made yourself look spoiled and inconsiderate. I would NEVER expect people to “pay for their plates” with a gift or money for my wedding, I wouldnt even expect gifts in the first place. The point of a wedding is having those that you care about, and that care about you, be present for the celebration of your union. Your behavior and expectations are completely unacceptable. You have a lot of apologizing ahead of you.
Edicate??? Maybe your wealthy family should have gotten you a tutor!
Your behavior was appalling. Were your guests there to share your special day with you, or just fill your wallets? Your parents were kind enough to pay for your wedding, yet you still expect your guests to subsidize it for you.
Let me explain something to you – a gift is simply a kind act, NOT an obligation. A wedding invitation is not an invoice. Your guests did not owe you anything. They took the time to share your day with you, and all you can do is complain that they did not give enough. You should be ashamed. You brought this ugly situation upon yourself.
And the whole “cover your plate” thing is a bunch of garbage. Are guests expected to call you in advance and ask how much their food costs, so they can reimburse you? Give me a break. Trust me, that is not proper etiquette.
To try to salvage the situation, I would suggest that you arrange a meeting with the in-laws you have alienated and apologize, tell them how much you appreciate their gift, and ask their forgiveness for your childish behavior. It’s not too late to be be a gracious, classy adult.
Any advice? Sure, happy to provide it.
First, grow up. You sound like a tantruming two-year-old. Throwing fits because things don’t go your way is childish. Making your newly-wed husband miserable on your honeymoon over this is ridiculous.
Second, read some etiquette books — it sounds like you’re going to need to need a lot of readjustment if you really want to be polite. None of the authorities (i.e. Miss Manners, Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt) would approve of the “cover your plate” idea. That’s a piece of folk-”edicate” that has already poisoned your relationship with your husband and his family. A wedding invitation isn’t an invoice. Besides, did you tell them how much it cost per plate? How would someone know otherwise? (Don’t tell me that it should be obvious from the quality of the meal — I’ve had rubber chicken at $150/plate dinners and gourmet food at weddings that worked out to $15/person.)
Third, if money was stolen at your wedding, you bear some responsibility. Did you not take any precautions to secure it? (As an aside, anyone who puts $1000 in cash in an envelope and leaves it lying around is criminally negligent.)
Finally, please, for the love of all that’s holy, go back and review basic English. Paragraph breaks would be a big help, as would a basic understanding of grammar and spelling.
In this case, I think anyone reading this would feel sorry for your mother-in-law.
What does being on depression medication have to do with this situation anyway? Do you know how many millions of people in North America ALONE currently are or have been prescribed anti-depressants?
Anyhow, she’s luckier. She can take medication to control her depression – you will never find a pill for your spoiled brat disorder.
Is this a joke? Please tell me it’s a joke.
If not, then you letter are a spoiled, horrible, selfish woman. I only wish your poor husband could have learned what you was before saddled himself with a whining brat who will no doubt make the rest of his life hell.
A GIFT IS NEVER REQUIRED. And it is impossibly rude to demand that guests pay an admission fee to a party! And if, as you say, your parents paid for the whole thing, then the point you’re trying to make is beyond ridiculous, because you will most certainly not be selling all those gifts and giving them to your wealthy parents, will you?
You had a wonderful party thrown for you at someone else’s expense, and the people who came gave you things that you didn’t earn, and you’re ANGRY with them?
Horrible. Simply horrible.
You would think with how wealthy your family was they’d have been able to afford to send you to school. Embarresed? Edicate? Negitive? DAWNTING?
Are you kidding me?
Spoilt entitled drivel is horrible to read, much more so when it’s written by a person with the maturity and spelling level of a 6 year old.
You have to keep in mind that YOU chose to have a very expensive wedding.
So my wedding was a buffet style and it came out to 8-9 dollars a head since my parnets catered it. Most of our elder relatives gave us money, but my friends did more than that, they scraped together the money to fly my best gf home for my wedding so she could be in it. Thats a gift!!! get a clue and grow up!