I’m going insane!
I just moved 2,000 miles away so my husband could be closer to his family. I had convinced him. He had just gotten out of the military.
This post was submitted by SilverKat.
Why does my mil act like this?
A little about myself. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. The first six years was just myself, husband and my 15 year old and my 14 year old(from a previous marriage). My mother in law then was a very selfish person and Rude! Now that we have had two other children (now 4 and 3) Seems like she has got worse! To make a long story short, this woman lives 3 miles away from my home. When birthdays come around she only acknowledge my husband and our two young children (that we have together) She brings over b-day cards and cake and presents for him and my young children. When my b-day comes around or my other children (from a previous marriage) she doesn’t even acknowledge us! For Christmas one year she had came over (we were not home at the time) and left a bag of presents (only for the little ones and my husband)She put these gifts on my front porch on top of my deceased grandmothers Christmas cactus!I was so upset! The only thing I had left of my grandmother. My husband was very furious and loaded the gifts up and took them back over to her house and left them on her porch and left her a nasty letter on how rude that was. She then insists that she did not do no such thing! I mean we know the cat did not do this! The gifts were from her. Then a few years before she had brought gifts I happen to get a candle and the candle was broken and glass all wrapped up. ( you can clearly see that this gift was broke) Last year she had completely ignored my b-day all together. No card no phone call from her. I even talked to her on the phone the day of my birthday and she didn’t say anything! My husband was over her house (doing chores for her) and even left a hint that it was my b-day and she just ignored it! Then her birthday is in 4 days she calls me up and hints around that it is her b-day that she is leaving for the week. Like I was suppose to Wish her! Like a dummy I did tell her Happy Birthday and even got her a card!I have taken much abuse from her and her family and do not know why. One Christmas (and it was the last Christmas I ever attended over her house) I walked in her home and all my husbands family was there and her husband yells across the house “There she is there is Fat A–”. They always made fun of me and my other children and everyone else. Now she lives alone and she tries to throw quilt trips towards me about her not having anyone there and she has no one to cook for and so on. Always complaining about how no one ever comes to visit her! I try to keep peace and talk to her on a have to basis but every once in a while she does things that aggravate me like popping in when she was not invited or at least calling first. I could go on and on about this woman but you get a general idea of her treatment with me.As far as my husband goes he has told her several times about her evil ways. Just the other day he mention he was tired of her evil ways, and to just ignore her. He never picks up the phone to call her. I am the only one talking with her after all the abuse she has given me. Seems like the nicer I am she gets worse! Why is she like this and should I be dealing with her differently? I set my boundaries with her and you can hear it in her voice when she gets mad about what I will not do for her. And she is the worlds best for dropping hints! I just get straight to the point and I think she doesn’t like this.I am not about to change for her. Who knows what goes through her mind!Just a little information on my Mil and wondering if I should be approaching her differently. I also need to add I have never give her reason for her to treat me like this.Just a stay at home mom that takes really good care of her family!Cold she be jealous? Seems like she has a lot of hatred bottled up inside!
~~Confused!
This post was submitted by cheryl.
wedding slamming and beyond
my husband and I were married a little over three years ago - when we started dating and her brought me home to baltimore (we were living in NYC) his MIL still had two pics framed from his first wedding (one of her and my husband and one of her and her other son) - my husband asked her to take them down saying he didn’t think it was cool to have them up with me there
This post was submitted by robynp.
Manipulative mother-in-law … could she be the DEVIL incarnate??
This post was submitted by supermom.
She’s driving me crazy
My fiance and I have been having problems do to his mother. She is the most evil women I have ever met. She is constantly mean to my children because they are not her son’s. She will even go as far as buying his children things right in front of mine and not offer them a thing. She refers to my kids as “those kids”. She doesn’t even call them by their names. She constantly down grades me- telling me I will never be good enough for her son. My fiance of course swears his mother wouldn’t do that and always takes her side over mine. To top it all off, she invited his ex over for our family dinner and said her son and his ex needed some alone time together so that he would get his head straight and leave me. Of course he stood up for me when she said it but that was the only time he ever has. I’m left feeling that if she has anything to do with it we will never be happy.
This post was submitted by stephanie.
mil hell
I’m not sure what to do my mil always throws my husband’s ex in my face and tells me that she is going to make sure he leaves me and goes back to her. My husband swears he loves me and would never go back to her but I just cant handle the stress from his mother anymore. What should I do?
This post was submitted by stephanie.
what to do???
so here’s my question… how do you handle the situation when your MIL makes comments to you like “i’ll find a better woman for my husband and those kids…” when you thought you were on good terms and pretty close with one another and other than that you are a wonderful mother and wife?
This post was submitted by lynn.
Haven’t read one quite like mine yet?
Gotta tell ya, I LOVE your site! I read through your advice articles at least once a week, and I got to admit, It’s nice to know your not alone!
I must tell you though, I haven’t read one yet quite like mine.My MIL…..Poor MIL….had a tough life growing up, married young, divorced love of her life because of his family (the irony), struggled with two kids on her own (hardly any help from dad),remarried friend for stability, suffered nervous breakdown and won’t let go (20yrs ago), blames problems on everyone else, makes my husband feel like he owes something to her but she is just scared to be independent, very negative about everything, very voice tress and loud, HYPOCHONDRIAC!!!!- This month she needs a hip replacement, she has anxiety disorder- so she can’t be left alone or drive or anything on her own without crying because she feels dizzy and will pass out (never actually seen her pass out before, just witnessed her Bull S&%# panic attacks-of course only when my husbands around or someone elses she needs to get attention from)-a few conditions are real but all self conflicted due to smoking, poor hygiene, poor diet & lack of movement, LAZY, makes a big deal out of doing one thing around the house(like sweeping-instead of using a broom she scoots around on her fat A*& with a dustpan and brush) and that is all she’ll do a week, she’d rather use a dirty toilet than clean it (I have a 3yrs old who is potty training for christ sake), her and her lazy fat A*^ 33yr old daughter (two peas in a pod)actually justify there laziness-I get stuck with everything!, when confronted there’s always a fight, MIL wastes every minute of the day online/playing phone games,watching TV or sleeping, I can’t sit in the living room because that’s where she sleeps, I can’t sit in the kitchen because that’s where she play’s her computer, can’t enjoy a smoke cuz she’s always outside smoking. I can’t get away from her-she’s like the thing from the movie shutter-always on my back, she always makes these annoying remarks about pointless shit or touchy subjects, will tell you the same sad story about her life even when you’ve told her you’ve heard it, she makes every new person she meets think she’s this poor woman who gets mistreated by everyone all the time (until they get to know her)-than it’s all about the gossip and opinions, she knows I’m sick of it because my husband and I just had a huge blow out about how she doesn’t think I like her anymore (I can’t stand to be in the same room with her or my SIL!!! I really think I’m going crazy), I told my husband how i feel Used all the time (not the first time either, multiple times through the years, he knows how I feel and he’ll get on them and that just makes things worse, I am literally becoming spiteful, and cleaning around there messes or not doing anything for them anymore (tired of all the cigarette runs/job runs/perscription runs/dr’s appointments-let lazy SIL do it!)-hell just avoiding them at all costs if I can)-He say’s I’m cold hearted and I’m not considering his family’s feelings-she’s sick (sick in the head maybe)…she might die soon (she’s 53-god hates me, she’ll have me wiping her A$% by the time she’s 60)…then he’ll never forgive himself….there all the family he’s got- WELL what about us? he does have a wife & 2 kids!!!!- These two women have attached themselves on to our lives like leeches-they have slowly sucked all the enjoyment/energy/and elder respect out of me, I don’t know how much more fake smiles (to keep the peace) I can put on. I am really to the point where I’m going to end my 12 yr (happy) marriage just to be rid of them-then they’ll have there boy back. I need some peace, I need to think of myself for once, they make me feel like I’m the problem.
What to do….what to do????
Anybody have some good old fashioned revenge advice-cuz I could reallly use some!!!!
I must tell you though, I haven’t read one yet quite like mine.My MIL…..Poor MIL….had a tough life growing up, married young, divorced love of her life because of his family (the irony), struggled with two kids on her own (hardly any help from dad),remarried friend for stability, suffered nervous breakdown and won’t let go (20yrs ago), blames problems on everyone else, makes my husband feel like he owes something to her but she is just scared to be independent, very negative about everything, very voice tress and loud, HYPOCHONDRIAC!!!!- This month she needs a hip replacement, she has anxiety disorder- so she can’t be left alone or drive or anything on her own without crying because she feels dizzy and will pass out (never actually seen her pass out before, just witnessed her Bull S&%# panic attacks-of course only when my husbands around or someone elses she needs to get attention from)-a few conditions are real but all self conflicted due to smoking, poor hygiene, poor diet & lack of movement, LAZY, makes a big deal out of doing one thing around the house(like sweeping-instead of using a broom she scoots around on her fat A*& with a dustpan and brush) and that is all she’ll do a week, she’d rather use a dirty toilet than clean it (I have a 3yrs old who is potty training for christ sake), her and her lazy fat A*^ 33yr old daughter (two peas in a pod)actually justify there laziness-I get stuck with everything!, when confronted there’s always a fight, MIL wastes every minute of the day online/playing phone games,watching TV or sleeping, I can’t sit in the living room because that’s where she sleeps, I can’t sit in the kitchen because that’s where she play’s her computer, can’t enjoy a smoke cuz she’s always outside smoking. I can’t get away from her-she’s like the thing from the movie shutter-always on my back, she always makes these annoying remarks about pointless shit or touchy subjects, will tell you the same sad story about her life even when you’ve told her you’ve heard it, she makes every new person she meets think she’s this poor woman who gets mistreated by everyone all the time (until they get to know her)-than it’s all about the gossip and opinions, she knows I’m sick of it because my husband and I just had a huge blow out about how she doesn’t think I like her anymore (I can’t stand to be in the same room with her or my SIL!!! I really think I’m going crazy), I told my husband how i feel Used all the time (not the first time either, multiple times through the years, he knows how I feel and he’ll get on them and that just makes things worse, I am literally becoming spiteful, and cleaning around there messes or not doing anything for them anymore (tired of all the cigarette runs/job runs/perscription runs/dr’s appointments-let lazy SIL do it!)-hell just avoiding them at all costs if I can)-He say’s I’m cold hearted and I’m not considering his family’s feelings-she’s sick (sick in the head maybe)…she might die soon (she’s 53-god hates me, she’ll have me wiping her A$% by the time she’s 60)…then he’ll never forgive himself….there all the family he’s got- WELL what about us? he does have a wife & 2 kids!!!!- These two women have attached themselves on to our lives like leeches-they have slowly sucked all the enjoyment/energy/and elder respect out of me, I don’t know how much more fake smiles (to keep the peace) I can put on. I am really to the point where I’m going to end my 12 yr (happy) marriage just to be rid of them-then they’ll have there boy back. I need some peace, I need to think of myself for once, they make me feel like I’m the problem.
What to do….what to do????
Anybody have some good old fashioned revenge advice-cuz I could reallly use some!!!!
This post was submitted by Lutzey.
How is a new husband supposed to deal?
How is a new husband supposed to deal with interference from 200 miles away? My wife and I are newlyweds after dating for 5 years. Our wedding was beautiful (and I actually cried when I saw my wife for the 1st time on our wedding day), however,it was a bit of a tough row to hoe to get there.
My in-laws unfortunately felt the need to CONSTANTLY check up on my wife - calling 5 and 6 times a day to ascertain where she is, what she’s doing, what she’s eating - u get the picture. I hadn’t noticed it for a while as we had a long-distance relationship for our 1st 4 years we dated and just chalked it up to making sure she was ok when she traveled to see me. However, i picked up on it when we finally were able to live in the same town, when her mom and dad would call separately 2 - 4 times each in the 6 hour timeframe between when she’d get home from work and when she’d go to bed. I told her then I thought it was a little much - after all she’s a grown woman with a college degree and a tenured position and her own place - she’s not a kid anymore. But I was told that’s just how they do things. Fine. That is until I was dressed down by her father for interfering with how he runs his family.
Fast forward to our engagement. I was railroaded into it a bit, inasmuch as we had talked to my parents about possibly getting married (only because they were closer and happened to be there when we decided we wanted to get married) but her parents took the similar conversation we had with them as we were already engaged without thier permission; but, they had already started making plans for the wedding (two weeks before i even bought the ring or actually proposed). Our engagement proceeded with my parents being almost totally left out of the loop (the 2 sets of parents never actually spoke to each other until about 2 1/2 weeks prior to our wedding) and i was flat told to my face by my soon-to-be MIL that “the groom has no input in the wedding” even though my wife and I had been trying to make plans together from square one. Her mother was ticked whenever my fiance’ asked my opinion of ANYTHING regarding the wedding and would either berate my fiance’ for me disagreeing with what MIL wanted to do, or would go off in a huff and berate my fiance’ later. My fiance’ and I decided on a SMALL wedding - close family only and as such most of my, and my parents’ close friends were not invited however, her parents invited twice as many people - 1/2 of wich my fiance’ didn’t even know or hadn’t seen in 20 years. The only thing her parents showed next to no interest in was the wedding itself - the whole reason we were there; other than to pitch a fit over my fiance’ and I rewriting the actual wedding service to more reflect our personal faith( even though we did the rewrite WITH the presiding clergy). Two days before the wedding my MIL got onto OUR laptop to snoop and find out where we were staying for our wedding nite and honeymoon citing her concern for the quality of hotel and wether or not it was in an acceptable part of town(even though i had booked a 4-star hotel for our wedding nite). They chose to be uncooperative at the rehearsal and sullen at the rehearsal dinner even though all the other guests from BOTH sides were socializing together quite amiably - merely sitting at table and griping to anyone who’d listen while doing thier best to avoid anyone from my side of the wedding party. From that point on, they refused to say more than 10 words to me until well after our honeymoon. My in-laws didn’t even speak to me on our wedding day - though my FIL took it upon himself to usurp the best man’s right to the 1st toast.
This post was submitted by Mick.
She is driving me nuts
I am at a loss on how I can be sane in our home with my mother-in-law. My husband and I have been married for 18 yrs. She cannot live alone because of lack of finances and mental instability. When I say mental instability I mean she truly does have paranoia and hallucinations, it is not a ‘daughter-in-law’ dig.
Here are the problems:
This post was submitted by Tina.
I want a relationship with my MIL - Please help!
I don’t think that my story is as severe as some of the other stories here, but it sure is breaking up my family. My mother in law is a very nice person at heart. She is a mother that enjoyed being a mom so much that she won’t let go. My husband and I have been married for four years and she has continuously tried to manipulate herself into our lives. About three years ago she set something up so that her and my father in law would come over every Monday night for dinner and then we would scrap book. At first I thought it was great, but then I slowly started to see that she would spend more time talking to her son and less time scrap booking with me. Then I started to realize that she was really just coming over so she can have some control in our lives (she is a control freak by the way). About a year and a half ago I had a little girl, she is the most important and wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. So my MIL decided that instead of scrap booking she would come over on Monday’s and baby-sit my daughter while the rest of the week she goes to another woman that my husband and I feel does a better job. She no longer wants to spend time with me, so obviously she never really did. Now she comes over every Monday and we try to tell her what we want her to do with our daughter, like set rules, and she just questions us and sometimes she doesn’t follow through because she doesn’t agree with us. About 5 weeks ago I couldn’t take it anymore so we sat down and had a talk with her. She broke down in tears and made it all about herself, like how she was so hurt that we could feel that way. Rather than saying, I am sorry that I have made you feel this way. Well, now I feel that I can’t talk to her about anything because I am afraid that she will just get upset. When she did something that I didn’t agree with regarding my daughter yesterday, I spoke to my husband about it and posed a suggestion to get around it but he just jumped down my throat. Our whole house is just so tense and things are just in torment. I would really like to have my life back, I would like her not to watch my daughter on Monday’s anymore but my husband doesn’t want to hurt his mothers feelings. I can’t ask him to do something that would upset him so badly but I can’t live like this anymore. I would like to have a nice relationship with my MIL and still have a separately life that doesn’t involve her coming over on Monday’s anymore. I just don’t know what to do, it is really breaking up my family. Does anyone have any advice for me?
This post was submitted by Vickie.
All Hail The QUEEN BEE!
This woman is the most manipulative person imaginable. She believes she has the wisdom of the ages when she is as shallow as a puddle. Heaven forbid that you fail to sit at her feet and absorb her wisdom.
She dangles money, but we don’t take the bait like the others have. You can bet that it comes with strings attached. She wants to be able to control our lives at her whim, insert herself where she does not belong.
This post was submitted by Seeing_Thru_Her.
On Our Wedding Day
My MIL gave my husband a picture of him in his tux from his first marriage. When questioned about it she decided to go off on MY mom and ME.
Oh, and she is OBSESSED with my husbands ex, who treated my husband like total crap for 16 years, and who is neglecting their son.
This post was submitted by Catthyahuw.
MIL trumps WIFE
We live within 3 miles of MIL. Every year we go on vacation to the same place at the same time. For years I would have her over for dinner every Sunday, but finally stopped doing that because I got tired of my DH spending all of Sunday afternoon giving his mother a massage (she has a sore back and is in a lot of pain) and talking to her about details of his work he had not shared with me even though we spend a lot of time together and I’m a good listener. Recently I’m upset because after our vacation my husband, who is a photographer, and I worked on a photo album together, but when he put the photos on the pages the only people he put in the book were him and his mother. I told him the photo album looked strange without photos of his wife and when he showed it to others they would think that was odd, too. I suggested he add photos of me and our children from past years since there were none good enough from this year to be included. Instead, he’s decided to give our vacation photo album to his mother for Christmas. I’m upset about this and can’t seem to get over it and let it go.
This post was submitted by Betty.
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