Mother-in-Law HELL

caregiver03 said on 28/08/08 @ 6:03am

Hi Ashley: Your story sounds a lot like my story and I’ve been married since 1969. She doesn’t threaten suicide anymore because all her kids have finally seen through her. When they were children, she would lock herself in the bath room and tell the kids she took a whole bottle of asprin. Or she’d lock herself in the car. It was very hard being in this family. On holidays, when we were young, she’d go back to a bedroom and immediately, everyone of her kids followed and their daddy, leaving me to sit alone for hours while she “cried” and told them how bad they treated her and didn’t love her. I don’t know about your fiance, but there is a fear instilled in them from a young age and even when they finally do see through her, she’ll find other ways to be the first woman in his life. She’ll need money or help, somehow, from him. You will always be second even though he doesn’t want it that way. He can’t think for himself. I want to tell my MIL off sooo badly and my husband won’t let me, even though he can’t stand her. She is a liar, a bitch, troublemaker, evil. I will burn in hell if I don’t learn how not to hate her. It’s all about her. Even when one of her sons died in June, SHE thought the kids should surround her and feel sorry for her. This is the only son (she only has one daughter) who had actually told her what a sorry person she was and had cut the apron strings and chose his wife and was never sorry for it. She’d made a snide remark about his wife and he cut loose on her, kicked her out of his house and told her that was HIS WIFE AND DON’T YOU EVER TALK TO HER LIKE THAT AGAIN. Among other things. My husband has no balls. It’s true, the brother never got to see his daddy again because he has no balls either. You can learn to live around her or find out if your fiance has any balls. Believe me, SHE IS NOT GOING TO HURT HERSELF. AND IF SHE DOES, OH, WELL. I’m VERY VERY BITTER. I hope my MIL says something to me next time I have to see her. I really don’t care anymore if my husband gets mad. She’s milked him(behind my back) of at least 10,000.00 in the past five years. She tip toes around me. She won’t ask for anything around me. Also, she TALKS for her husband. He just sits back and lets her answer any question you ask him. It’s not a sex thing, either. She cut him off YEARS ago. I could go on forever, but you’ve got your work cut out for you. If you act jealous, he’ll get upset. (poor thing). It’s not too late to cancel the engagement. You’ll never have a normal marriage unless he stands up to her, on his own, no prompting from you. That’s like quitting smoking because someone else wants you to. He has to do it for himself and his love for you. It won’t end if he doesn’t do it on his own. I asked my husband a question once about her locking herself in the bathroom; I said, did you ever think about why she chose the bathroom? Did she show an empty bottle? Don’t you think she washed the asprin down the sink? She’s too self centered to hurt herself. Believe me. Your future MIL is a selfish bitch and your fiance enables it. It’s as bad as giving dope to an addict. He feeds off it and so does she. It’s up to him. If you want to talk some more and I haven’t offended you, I’m here. I also am on myspace. Good luck and get used to playing “second fiddle” to her because you already are. I know, because I’ve always been. We dated nearly eight years. Well, I’ll close for now. I truly wouldn’t marry him. Weddings are nice and all, but mother in laws are still there. She’ll ruin your wedding and your honeymoon. Mine did. She threw Ben’s clothes and belongings out the door. She didn’t tell the kids we were getting married and they wouldn’t come. Ben had to wait till he was 21 because though she signed for her other kids, she wouldn’t sign for him. He was the oldest. Guess she had a stronger hold on him. But she sure had a fit when she couldn’t talk him out of marrying me and he felt guilty for letting her down. And he was miserable on our wedding day and night. It was wham bam and he turned his back and went to sleep. He was so hurt and I was too but not because I was worried about upsetting her. I was hurt because she ruined our wedding and honeymoon. OK. Good luck. Sharon (caregiver03)

mbawar said on 30/08/08 @ 1:26am

I wonder how mom in laws become the way they are..is it loneliness? My mom in law used to get angry if we dont come to her house, but not as bad as suicidal. But now she doesnt get as mad anymore cause I think its because of alot of reasons…I talk to her more, I let my fiance go there once per day but I dont have to, her other son is having a serious girlfriend, my wedding is coming up and she’s paying and planning…maybe because she’s busy..maybe your mom in law is just bored, and lonely. I dont know.
If you’re not happy at all, forget him, but if you have some happy times/moments, you should be strong. Do not take her words to heart cause obviously its not you, its her. Find the reason why she’s the way she is if you want to stay with your partner. Im so sorry that this happened to you and to all of us.

LuvChoc said on 01/09/08 @ 11:54pm

Had similar problems. I’m sure initial period of the marriage will have more problems than necessary because of MIL situation.

After the ‘I do’s’ it’s a good idea for new hubbie to see MOM on a periodic basis so she won’t feel she’ll never see him again. Don’t fight w/ her because mom’s and sons have bonds and fathers and sisters/do.

I know you need your ‘me’ time also when you hang out w/ your family or girlfriends – so give him those visits and let him see for himself.

Goodluck

terry said on 20/01/09 @ 3:11am

I would consider this marriage very carefully, and definitely insist on counseling before tying the knot. I would also not rush into having children. be very careful because this will be a draining proposition that will take a good chunk of your time and life in the form of scenes from her as well as fights with hubby. It’s a recipe for disaster and you really need to consider if you want to say “I do” to a situation that will include her for a good many years, at least the ones of your youth. With counseling you can at least gauge hubby’s commitment and come up with some plan, before tying the knot and before her histrionics escalate.

Stalker said on 18/05/09 @ 2:53pm

The next time this nutcase locks herself in the bathroom and threatenss suicide,call the police to come and get her.It is illegal to attempt suicide and maybe getting thrown in jail for a little while will take the fun out of her doing this tro control her kids.I would rethink this marriage if I were you.Your future husband has been controlled by her shit way too long and may be too difficult to wean off of this crazy hag.

Julaine said on 03/08/09 @ 11:42pm

I can so relate. My MIL is NUTS!! she’s been on the methadone program for 15+years (which mind you is supposed to be a year program) and still buys more pills every day. She is so needy she pulls my husband from his daily priorities and responsibilities at home with me and my kids to help her CONSTANTLY!! She has a husband but has just stepped aside and lets my husband take care of EVERYTHING because she never asks anyone but him!!! It’s ridiculous, he jumps to take her to the store in the middle of the night for ICECREAM or CIGARETTES and when we have things going on she’ll purposely make something A HUGE DEAL that he needs to drop what he’s doing to come help her. It’s gotten so bad that he never has time to take care of the projects in our home and I’m left picking up the pieces when I work a fulltime job all day long and he’s only working part time because she’s so needy!! He just expects me to understand this is his mother but #1 I dont trust her when she’s stabbed me in the back on several occassions, lies to me and is just an over all junkie with junkie behaviors. Then on top of it she drags my husband into her mess run’n her to get pills or whatever the case may be when he’s struggled with his own addiction problems to BEGIN WITH!!! Me and her have done nothing but fight and argue my entire pregnancy (mind you i’m 9 months pregnant now) and the last arguement we had i told her that he’s over there helping her every single day and that I’m tired of not having help at home and she had the nerve to tell me “I’M 51 YEARS OLD” okay and “I’M 9 MONTHS PREGNANT WITH 3 KIDS AND WORK A FULLTIME JOB” dont you think she needs to fend for herself?? i just dont get it, i’ve finally told my husband to leave, he can live with her and be at her becon call all he wants because I dont want any part of the madness anymore. She’s never going to allow him to be happy with anyone the way she’s constantly pulling him away from his family, but’n in and throw’n curve balls into our relationship. And as long as he’s content with the way things are then it’s never going to change, sad thing is as a mother she should be more concerned with his marriage than getting what she wants when she wants it but she sees absolutely nothing wrong with her behavior..