MIL Decorator from hell!

We live in a fairly modest house that we haven’t decorated yet because we have both been terribly busy. Now that we have some time off together my fiance suggested that his mom come down and help out. She loves decorating and do it yourself stuff. I thought it would be helpful, we had a lot to do (the entire upstairs) all the painting, trips to the stores and purchasing drawers and night stands. Well, she is here from Saturday through Friday, and all was going well until the day we decided to piece stuff together. I woke up before my fiance because he had a long day at work the day before and asked her if she would like any help putting the new drawers together. She said, right, you can do all the furniture and I’ll do the cleaning. (She wasn’t there for cleaning, she was there to do the furniture stuff… I cleaned the day before.. what she planned on cleaning I don’t know) I looked at the furniture and decided I had better wake my fiance up because I had no idea what I was doing. He woke up and started helping me with the instructions and screws and what not. She heard from downstairs that he had woken up and came running up the stairs telling me I was not mature enough for such a task and I am not smart or posses the skills to do such a little task on my own. I was fuming at that point… we invite her to our home to HELP and she delegates and decides what we’re doing? My fiance just sat there like he hadn’t heard anything and everything was okay. I shut the door with just him and said, your mother cannot treat me like this in our own home. I came out and there she was, listening to the whole conversation.. she screamed at me to GROW UP! All because I needed help piecing something together. My fiance was of no help, saying it was between me and her. The next day while my fiance was at work I was going over what types of food we usually eat on which days (we have a routine and we like it, why change it?) she knows I love chili and that I love my fiances chilli the most and that we only eat it if Steve cooks it. So for lunch today I hear her in the kitchen and come down and there she is, making Chilli, and my fiance wasn’t even home to enjoy it, not to mention I didn’t even eat it.
We are pretty much done with all the tasks around the house, the only thing left is to buy new bedspreads and curtains (something my fiance and I are quite capable of doing ON OUR OWN). My fiance doesn’t see his mother often and she is supposed to be here until Friday well, it is Tuesday and we are all done and there are no more tasks. I don’t have the heart to tell him she has to go, or I am for the next 4 days but it is true. He is working, it isn’t like they are going to spend quality time together. She knows we have a major gala to go to on Saturday and we have many errands to run before it but she insists that traffic will be too bad to leave on Friday, even early in the morning.
I don’t want her around but I also don’t want to upset my fiance…
I’m currently feeling like a prisoner in my own home, I sit in the bedroom until my fiance comes home and then I feel like I’m clinging to him as a safety net… I think she gets the hint but… she just needs to go, this isn’t her vacation and we are done with her help.
What do I do??

This post was submitted by Christina.

Still asking why? On in laws issue

Well, I know that this story will be long. I am 29 years old and I started to date my husband when I was 16 and got married at 18. This story is about my uncaring mother-in-law. How she has not contributed to our marriage or our home life and yet has done her best to spread lies and rumors about me to my husband.
In 1997 I found out I was pregnant with my first child, after two years of dating we both decided to take the next step and to form a family and get married. My mother disagreed with our relationship from the beginning, so of course she did not want me to get married, and she wanted me to stay home. I believe that she was a difficult time letting me go. I was the first of her children that wanted to fly the coop. My husband lived on his own and with his two younger brothers. The second of his brothers just got married and moved out. Throughout this time when I visited my husband, sometimes his mother was there and she will just say “HI” to me. She did not try to get to know me at all.
We decided to get married, my mother did not talk to me for the first couple of months, It was difficult for me, since I left home with the only thing I had and that was the cloth on my back. I missed my siblings greatly, there were five of us. I had no contact with my family. My husband’s family was also not very welcoming of me also. We had an apartment that we shared with my youngest brother-in-law. My mother-in-law never came to say hi or even ask me how I was doing. Yet, she came over to visit her second son every day. He also recently married and just had a child. They lived right next door to us since we lived in the same apartment building. My husband and I decided to get married in City Hall. His mother was in the next door apartment with her daughter-in-law and did not even come along to the ceremony. During this time I also formed a relationship with my new sister-in-law. I knew that she had a great relationship with my mother-in-law since they always hung out, went shopping and attended parties. My sister-in-law would tell me about how great my mother-in-law was and how she cooked for her, cleaned, and sometimes gave her money and bought her things. During this time I formed a friendship with my sister-in-law sister, she was really cool, and she was the one that hung out with me during my pregnancy and my lonely time. My Mother-in-law knew the hardship me and my husband were going through since it was up to him to pay the bills and sometimes that is all we could pay for. My sister-in-law would tell my husband’s mother the hardship we were going through and she did not seem to care much. Since she never came to welcome me, none the less to ask me If I needed anything. I always remember clearly that during this time during the last two months of my pregnancy, my sister-in-laws refrigerator broke, and they took the refrigerator in my apartment since my mother-in-law claimed that it was hers and she gave it to my sister-in-law.
I had my son in November of 1997, my mother-in-law never went to see him, my husband took my son and he went to make sure that she saw him. He looked just like his daddy. By this time my mother forgave me, and I was visiting my family again, especially when she found out about the treatment that I was receiving from my husband’s family. Till this day she feels guilty that she stopped talking to me for those few months.
I went back to school I just needed one semester in order to graduate high School, I told my sister-in-law that we should enroll together since we were both the same age and had attended the same high school. She flat out said “no”. I decided to enroll by myself I got a part-time job and by the end Spring I received my High School Diploma, and started to work -full in the in a warehouse. Things started to get better financially for us, since now I was working.
I had three younger sisters and one older brother. We were all one year apart, we basically had a lot in common and shared the same friends. Me and one my sisters also worked together and so did many of our friends. I was the only one married they were all single and enjoying life. Sometimes I would hang out outside with my friends, siblings and my sister-in-law sister like we did before. My husband was not the jealous type and he was 6 years my senior and very mature for his age.
But my new in law family that was another story. They called me names and my sister-in-law also helped spread rumors about me and sided with them. Her own sister was telling me to keep away from her that she was hateful towards me, and also informed me about the things that my husband’s brothers and mother were saying about me. I could not talk to any of my friends because according to them I was sleeping with them all of them.
I already had problems with my husband’s younger brother, when I was pregnant he would steal the little cloth I had. I know this because I went into his room and found a bag of my cloth in there. When I had my son I would have a couple of my friends come over in the weekend and he was disrespectful towards me and them, and he kept saying that we did not belong in his apartment since everything there his mother bought. He told us that we could not sit on the sofas and told us to sit in the floor. My husband would never believe me, that his brother was being so hateful. Since his family always made sure that when they were being hateful he was not around. The constant fighting with his brother and both of us were the same age it got really bad that my husband had to tell his brother to go, and he moved in with my sister-in-law next door. My husband’s younger brother did not contribute financially or morally to the household, he did not work during this whole time. Even though he moved out he still found a way to keep stealing my things. Especially since now I was working and could afford to buy good things. My mother-in-law never apologized for her sons behavior and on the contrary got mad at me and blamed me because her older son told his younger brother to move out.
Well, we moved out of the apartment building after I pressured my husband into doing it, because he did not want to let go of his family and kept saying that if they were mean or spread rumors about me it’s because I did something to deserve it. Me and my husband constantly fought as you can imagine because of his family. I believed that if I moved far away they will leave us alone. I was wrong they moved a block from where I was living. I was already expecting my second child and was very sick. I was still working in the warehouse and worked the second shift. That Christmas I gave my sister-in-law sister a present that I did not know would come and hunt me afterwards. When I gave birth to my second child in April of 2000 as usual my mother-in-law cared less. One day my husband comes home saying that his mother told him that me and my sister-in-law sister were lovers in the past and that the Christmas present I gave her was the proof. This was not the first roomer she spread about me according to her I slept with everybody I came in contact with. Her claim for making up this vicious lie was just to protect her son.
I guess what bugs me is that for a long time I did believe my husband and believed that the reason his family literally hated me was because I did something to deserve it. I started to get older and I noticed a big difference between the way she treated me and my sister-in-law and every other sister-in-law that came throughout the years. Her youngest son got married four times during this whole time and she gave the royal treatment to all of his wives. She also gave the royal treatment to her other grandchildren, making them birthday parties, spending time with them, giving them presents in Christmas. It was as if though my children did not exist in her eyes. She even traveled to another country to make her granddaughter that was born at the same time as my second daughter a birthday party, yet she could not a walk a block and wish my daughter a happy birthday. She loved her other daughter-in-laws and her son-in- law they could do no wrong in her eyes. She formed a great bond with her son-in-law that lived in another country and send him cloth and gifts. Yet, she could not walk a block and ask me “How are you doing.”
My family also tried to make things better by inviting her over for dinner. She flat out was not going to attend; my husband hunted her down and basically forced her to attend. I always tried to find the answer as to why she did not like me. I compared myself to her daughter-in-laws and tried to find the answer. I found out that comparing to my sister-in-law I am doing good. My sister-in-law was and has been lazy. My mother-in-law did all of her housework for her, during this whole time she never worked, and basically has not done much. Also If I must point out that that with all of that finger pointing that they were doing towards me, my sister-in-law cheated on her husband and they separated for a month and then he went back to her. My husband’s family did not even say anything and still till this day keep giving her the royal treatment. I guess that is why they say “Do not spit in the air because it will fall on your face.” Since then they sort of left me alone.
But I always wonder why did they not accept me at all, they did not even try. One reason it may be is that I am a natural born citizen of the United States, and they are immigrants from another country. This is the reason my mother gives me. Maybe they felt that I was above them. I do not know how, I was so young and innocent then. Oh, I come up with a lot of reasons every day, to explain to myself. None are satisfying, I even tried to talk to her about it, all she does is put me down. So I quit the talking, and every time I see her I feel as if though I cannot speak because I feel attacked by her. I do not know how to make things better that situation with his family has not changed, and they do not seem to care not even for him.
Right now I have Bachelors in Science in Business that I received for the University of Illinois at Chicago. I have four children, 10, 8, 3, and 9 months, and I am currently pregnant with my fifth child. We purchased a home in 2002 and happy nobody followed us this time. It’s been a couple of years now that my husband started to change and opened his eyes to the situation. The fighting has been reduced by more that 90 percent. I say that I am very happy with my marriage, and I guess that what I learned for this whole situation is that there are hateful people out there and that no matter what we should never let them win.

This post was submitted by chicagoan.

The Visit

My mother-in-law is coming from out of state with her husband and they are staying for 25 days! That is almost a month!!! How do I deal??? Please help!

This post was submitted by anon74.

Treats him like a child

My husband’s mother has forever babied my husband. When I first met him and he was living in his sister’s house, I thought it was a little weird, but I knew he was close to his family. His mother also lived there. By the time that we were married, I had too late found out what was going on behind the scenes with their mother-son relationship. She was still making him breakfast and doing his laundry, even when I started living there. Last Thanksgiving we went to my parents for dinner, but she still saved him a meal that could have lasted for days! I called her and asked her if she thought that he didn’t have a good enough Thanksgiving dinner. She still makes him lunch all the time. I don’t know what to do. Just tonight also, I found out that she calls my husband two to three times everyday! I feel like I don’t even know my husband or his family anymore. My husband is very defensive about this. It might be because when he was younger some parts of family turned their backs to my husband and mother and sisters, so maybe that’s why their so close? I just feel that this is unnecessary. She’s too into our relationship. Early in our relationship, when my husband and I were having problems, she was reading Women and from Mars, Men are from Venus! How do I tell her and especially tell my husband for her to get a life of her own!

This post was submitted by wecwatwer.

not THAT bad….

wow, some of the stories on here make me shudder. i guess i can’t complain THAT much, but then again, i’m new at this….recently was at my boyfriends’ parents’ place, and just got some really weird vibes from her. my boyfriend and i have been together for a little over a year, he just got a job where i live and will be officially moving in soon, he’s been living with his parents. i had his parents over for dinner recently and have been putting forth effort to get to know them. when we came over to his house recently, there was the tangible tension in the air of a mother who is projecting her own issues about letting her youngest son go. i don’t want to be too reactive and exacerbate anything, but i’m the type who finds it VERY hard not to speak my mind. i have a masters in psychology, have a great career, and feel that my opinion is valid, smart, and should be heard. at the same time, my own mother told me to bring it down a notch so, i guess this story is being written for preventative and proactive reasons mainly, so i don’t end up the predicament that most of you are in! who knows what’s to follow though…..

This post was submitted by illinoiswirl.

Do things to spite you.

I hate when people do things just to spite you. Okay I was in a boating accident a few years ago and I don’t want my 11month old to be in the water of any sort without me. I told this to my parents who said okay we respect that we won’t take her swimming without you there. Well we told the same thing to my MIL and she didn’t react the same we were shocked we argued with her and my Sister in-law for 30 on why I was afraid of it and everything and I knew that since she didn’t like me that she was going to do it anyway. Well one day we went out for a couple of hours just my husband and myself .When we called to see how our daughter was doing they said fine she just got out of the pool and is playing in the floor. I was happy to hear that she was fine nothing had happened but I was also really mad because we had asked her not to and just because she doesn’t like me she did it anyway. Well we went immediately to go and pick our daughter up. When we had got there I was gathering her things while my husband talked to them telling them how upset we were with what she had done .When I walked out the door to put the things in the car she asked what was wrong and my husband said it upset me that she would do something like that knowing the circumstances well when she heard that she came barging out the door yelling at me asking me what my problem was not giving me any time to answer b4 asking well you will let her stay the night but you won’t let her swim with us. And then told me to get over myself like that has anything to do with the situation. (My husband practically begs me to leave her there I don’t like it).I told her this isn’t the 1st time that she has done something like this and I can clearly see that she doesn’t cherish that she actually sees her grandbaby but thanks to what just happened she won’t she her again and we haven’t been there since. I feel like I am doing the wrong thing but at the same time I think its right because if they don’t respect what we have to say now then will they ever?

This post was submitted by Nicole1707.

Is this at all familiar?

Hi All,

I would really welcome your opinion on this. I do feel it may be related to the topic of this site but perhaps not in an obvious way. My boyfriend of 18 months ended our relationship a few months ago. We were very close and it came totally out of the blue. He gave no explanation except that he thought I was wonderful and had no desire to settle down with me. I had not been pushing for commitment but I would have been very happy to when the time was right. He is approaching 40 and has never been married or lived with a girlfriend.

This post was submitted by waistcoat.

The worst MIL of all!!

Hello,
I have been married for 18 years…actually I am a mother in law myself and Love my daughter in law. I could never treat her the way my MIL has treated me for the past years.. and still does. The other day she was telling my daughter, who is 16 years old, that my side of the family is rude, and it really upset my daughter. I have put up with her crap and finally have decided I am done. My husband finally stood up to her last week, and defended me, and she called him and screamed at him that she hated him. I could not believe it. this woman lives down the road from us, she never knocks on the door, just comes into the house and criticizes me constantly. She refers to the things my husband and I have , as his house, his daughter, his yard, ect… She will never say Joni and Mark’s. My mother is coming to stay with us next month, she lives in Fla. but wants to come home and see the grandkids. My daughter said that my MIL wanted to Know if her father was going to charge my mom for rent??? Because that is just one more thing he has to put out money for. I work full time too but she acts like I don’t help with bills, ect.. I truly dislike this woman.
I keep thinking 2 more years and my daughter will be graduated from High School and I can move far away!!!

This post was submitted by joniz.

Get a load of this one!!!

Ok let me give you a little background. I fell in love with my high school sweet heart. We are finishing up our graduate degree’s and plan to get married and purchase a house in three years. FYI-we both live with our parents because we don’t believe in living together before we are married-however my mind is slowly changing! Anyway when I first meet his mother she loved me but recently she has been so rude and hurtful towards me, it\’s like she is in competition with me for his attention…she kisses him all over his face, rubs is back…and once we went on a trip to florida and she wrapped her legs around him in the pool….every picture he took of me she wanted that same picture…recently like today I received a phone call from her and she said she feels like the devil is trying to wreck her relationship with her son!!!! I know she has always had issues with sharing her son with me but come on…i’m a devil now….she is a divorced woman who’s ex husband left her for another woman…this lady will do anything for her son once she invited all of our friends and family to a surprise birthday party for him and lead me to believe that only her and him were going out to dinner…in my opinion she does not like sharing the spot light with me…listen I know you don\’t know me but I am honestly a good person so much so that I don’t want to say anything to her because I don\’t want to get her upset but my gosh we are not even married yet…what should I do…my boyfriend talks with her about the way she is recently acting and everything he says that she doesn\’t like she starts crying like a baby but yet she can call me a devil….what do I do? should I confront her once and for all? I’m a little nervous but I\’m tired of putting up with her crazy ways and all of her crap!!!

This post was submitted by helpme07.

She tells my son things he should never hear

My MIL has always been a pain, but today I feel like I am finally done with her. She’s done things in the past such as bringing up painful/hurtful situations that are better left alone, and seems to enjoy revealing other people’s weaknesses or issues, while ignoring her own. Last night she sat my son down (he’s 18) and said that she’s been lying to him for his entire life to protect him (from what??!!), so it was time to tell him the truth since he’ll be leaving for college soon. I haven’t gotten the details from him yet, but he said it was just a bunch of messed up stuff. I’m sure it had to do with what a horrible mother she thinks I am or whatever problems I’ve had in the past that my son would never remember because he was little. Now that my husband and I have been really happy and have a great life, she seems to want to mess everything up for some reason, instead of just being happy for us. Last Easter she started this crap and tried to bring up a bunch of old issues and ruined the day for all of us. Even my FIL told her to leave well enough alone and asked her why she was trying to dredge stuff up. If I actually told her all the stuff I thought about her or how we all really feel about her, it would blow her away, but I’ve tried to be the mature one, trying so hard not to be like her. She is so lazy and awful to everyone and expects everyone to wait hand and foot on her while she sits there and pontificates about everyone else’s lives. I want to tell her that my daughter can’t stand to go to her house, but we encourage her to to be nice, but I don’t. I don’t want to have anything more to do with her!

This post was submitted by mitch86.

I need Help before I lose my cool

To put it short my husband and I are expecting our first baby in Oct and my mother wants to be in the delivery room. I told my husband no and he wants her in there. I am a very private person to the point that I have not even asked my own mother to be in the room. She is also a labor and delivery nurse at the hospital that we are going to have our baby and she thinks that if she waits me out that the docs and nurses will let her do what she wants and she will not get out of my husbands ear!! I do not know what to do and I am fixing to lose it. Help!

This post was submitted by mommytobe08.

Have You Ever Heard Something This Weird??

I am engaged to someone who’s mother is more than annoying and I have broken up with him once before in the 4 years we’ve been together due to her. It always seems like it’s been a party of 3. She calls him every 30 minutes and looks at him with drooling eyes and touches him more than she should. She rubs his back and when his pants are loose she reaches her hand inside the top of his pants all the way around and pulls them up. He once had a spider bite on his butt which I took care of for him and she had to stop by and see it. She has family get togethers and invites him only, and has me and my kids with him over seperately. Last Christmas she sent gifts to us in advance and had him “only” over with the rest of the family for Christmas. His profession requires him to be gone out of town alot but the minute he gets here it starts all over again. About 2 weeks ago, we had just gone to bed and she called my cell phone bawling and begging to talk to him because she backed her car into her new garage door. Then had the nerve to call the installer and told him it was defective despite her padded income. Lsst weekend I had planned a trip to a theme park and water park for the family, and she called when we were getting ready to leave and demanded he come over so the trip had to be postponed till the next day. She tries to “Buy” him and gives him anything he wants. I recently helped her move against my will and she had about 4 closets full of clothes, 300 shoes and 200 purses at age 73. She also had a baby picture of him in her living room which she showed me and asked me if that just wasn’t the most precious thing I had ever seen??.. despite the fact her other son’s picture was laying right beside it. Sometimes I feel she is sick and actualy thinks my boyfriend is a reincarnation of her dead husband since they favor so much. I am on the verge of breaking it off with him again because I am at wits end. She just will not back off and mind her own business and let us “have” a relationship. This woman is part of a family of someone famous worldwide which I cannot tell who, but what it boils down to is that she has always been spoiled rotten, always had everything she’s every wanted and wants to make every one else miserable. Her only happiness is my boyfriend and her money. Despite her money she always tells him she is broke and he sends her most of his paycheck. She’s so broke that she just bought a 42 inch big screen tv and a specially designed colored laptop. She has him possessed. Please help with any advise because I really do love this man. I have known him since I was a teenager and we remet 4 years ago. I really feel he should stand up for me. My own mother went through something like this but not as drastic but the difference was that my Dad stood up for her. If his mother cannot reach him on his cell phone, then she calls mine, then my house phone, then my son’s cell phone. It’s almost like he is dating her instead of me. I know that sounds weird but it’s the truth and way I feel. If I cut her down, it just starts a fight with him. How do I stop or change this, or is breaking up the only thing to do??

This post was submitted by kintn.

I’m on the edge of cursing my MIL off!!

OK.. to start off I am a very laid back and a cool person. It would take alot to get me angry. I’ve dealt with my MIL’s attitude for 3 years and cannot take it anymore. For one she is a close minded and angry person. She complains everyday of her job that she has been in for 20 years, she hates her husband of 15 years, and hates her apartment of 15 years. I am sooo sick of her complaints. I told her she should not live her life in anger and to do something about it, or else stop complaining. 3 years later we are in the same predicament. Its to the point that I don’t bring my son to her house anymore b/c of the unhealthy atmosphere. Which obviously gets her even more mad. This past weekend she wanted to go to dinner. Keep in mind… it was her idea. She arrives with a big attitude, acts rude to the waiters, and the rest of the family. Every time someone talked she replied with a negative comment. I got so mad that I asked her ‘why are you so angry all the time!!’ She didn’t reply. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to go anywhere near her. I know she has alot of personal problems, but now it is effecting our relationship with her and other family members and I think it is unfair. Cause she acts like a victim all the time! Is she going through menopause? We tried talking to her and it doesn’t work! I wish she would just go away! I can’t stand ppl who do not live life happy and to the fullest. Complainers are the worst!!!

This post was submitted by cocoling.

Tell me what you think…

I have problems with my MIL that just seem to get worse and worse…I’ve tried to ignore it and pray it goes away…but it seems that my inactivity just makes things spiral more and more out of control…

This post was submitted by sweetpea.

She just can’t shut her mouth

My MIL drives me crazy. When I first married my husband, everyone warned me that she was mean and evil. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and got to know her. At first she was nice and all, but later on her claws came out. She would make up stories about how I was lazy and didn’t do this and that to my FIL. Then my FIL would yell at my husband about it. I’m like, wtf? When I was still pregnant with my daughter, she came up to me and told me not to ask her to babysit my baby because she wouldn’t have time! The audacity of the woman. I would never leave my child with her. She also hides food in her room so that other people can’t eat it but herself. Who wants her eat her food anyway?

This post was submitted by Sheng.