Hurtful Mother-in-law …please help!

Well, my husband and I had a baby about 6 months ago and everything between the mother and I was just fine. But oh how it changed.
I have a child from a previous relationship and she was always nice to my son.
My husband and I are from different ethnic backgrounds and I never thought that that was a problem for anybody. But now i don’t know what to think.
Ever since her new granddaughter came around I am always hearing that my daughter looks like everyone else in her family and she looks nothing like me. Like she looks like my husbands 5th cousin whom is twice removed more than she looks like me. I’m unsure if I’m overreacting.
Then it was a couple of weeks ago she humiliated me in front of everyone in his family and said that my son is not family because he doesn’t share there last name! I couldn’t believe it!!!
I don’t know what to do, my hubby said something to her about it, and she said that she didn’t mean to be hurtful…….puhlezzz!!!!!
I don’t know what to do about this!!!!!! Help!!!

This post was submitted by indylovens.

No woman will ever be good enough!! Help please!

My finace and i have been together for 3 years and are discussing seriously about getting married soon. My future mother in-law just came to visit. i work in a different city and only stay at our house 3 days a week, then work in another city the other 4 days. so before i left i knew my fiance’s parents were coming to stay a few days so i cleaned our house top to bottom. (not that i was trying to impress them because their house is dirty and clutterd but i wanted their stay to be relaxing). They left the day i would be coming home so i actualy didn’t get to see them. But when i got home i found a note placed on top of my laundry hamper in our bedroom…it read: “Gina, pick up your mess! remember, this is Jason’s home not yours or MINE.” Then i went out to the kitchen and found a notebook on the counter which happens to be my journal, and noticed she wrote her own commentary next to my 2008 goal list. i had a goal listed about finding a job closer to my home…next to it she wrote, “why?” then at the bottom of the page she wrote, ” eat out more, because i don’t cook, and i don’t clean the house or work in the yard…all i like to do is spend Jason’s money” . She then left Jason a note that siad, ” jason, she will never help you with a damn thing and you know it. you can’t love someone like that”.
So…just to let you know, i clean jason’s house for us every weekend i am there. i teach him how to keep it clean because its a mess when i arrive. he has never been taught to deep clean and his mother, the example never cleaned their home. I consider this my home too. i cook there, i clean it, i sleep there, i relax in it, i decorate it to my taste..and jason has never given me a dime. thats why i continue to work out of the city a 100 miles from our home is because i make great money and am passionate about my job. when we get married is when i will move up here full time and work here. She makes comments about ow her son will hopefully wait a lot longer before he gets married…(he is 32) and how he feels like he will never want children although children is a very popular conversation in our lives and crucial to our future. i have never been treated like this in my entire life. i am a very well respected member of my community and adored my many…not to toot my own horn, but those are my mothers words under a waterfall of tears when i told her what jason’s mother had done. we can not understand it. Anything that is negative in jason’s life is because of somebody else, anything positive is because thats the way she raised him. get it? he was adopted and is an only child. she makes comments like, “well, obviously jason gets his height from his dad’s side of the family!” um……ok? is she mentaly ill? i need some major advice. i have been in tears for days and jason is in a terrible position help please!!!
Gina

This post was submitted by Gina.

setting boundaries . . .

so my mother in law decided that we needed to chat about our relationship and i thought it was a complete disaster! i know she ment well but she basically told me that if i did not start making more of an effort to get to know them (i see them once a week) that they were not going to consider me family or be able to really love me! she was not only stating this about spending more time with them but also with her daughters . . . when i told her that i was busy all she had to say was “well we are ALL busy, thats life”. i want to make things work but i also want boundaries, building a relationship with my husband is my first priority and i dont always have time to go just hang out with the mother in law/sisters! does anyone have any suggestions as to how i can gracefully tell her she needs to be a little more reasonable?

This post was submitted by maigs.

MIL 3rd person in marriage

My MIL is a huge enabler. She has been ready at moments notice to step into my wifly shoes and do whatever her son wants done i.e. cook his meals, handle finances get him drugs from her Dr. buy personal and family items, pay his errant bills, look the other way when he spends untolled money on street drugs etc. The ONLY thing my MIL does NOT do ( that I am aware of ) is have sex w/ my hubby. Mabe that is due to the fact that my hubby has been unable to have sex for the last 26 years!!! HELP!!!!!!!!! I am DISGUSTED by their relationship. NOTE: My MIL looked the other way when her husband ( now divorced ) repeatedly raped her then 12 year old daughter. My MIL retains unbelivalbe control over my Sister-in-law to this day!! I once told my Sis in law that if her Mother ( my MIL ) ever needed a colonoscopy, they would have to call in a proctologist the remove her first, so testing would be successful! HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This post was submitted by lena.

Queen Bee-Need Advice

OK so this is the situation. My soon to be MIL has my fiance run all over town doing errands for her. Wakes him up at all hours to do these errands or just to talk to him. Sometimes just to ask him a question or have him play a board game with her. She calls his cell phone all the time when we are out without any respect to what time it is or what we may be doing. He says it is easier to just do what she ask than say no. If he does, she blows up or says he does not love her. HOW DOES ONE DEA? WITH THIS?

This post was submitted by Stung.

STUCK IN BETWEEN US TWO

Ok i am a newly wed and my husband and i have been with each other thew thick and thin. my mother in law gave my husband a house that he grew up at, and four months later she took it back cause he dissagreed on an opinion she had. and now we havent been talking to her for a month, and
all of a sudden she wants to give him a car. i told him it would be best if we got her to sign a contract saying the car is his. am i wrong for saying that or should i just stay out of his bussiness or stand my ground and watch out for him??

This post was submitted by lorena.

From the begining until now…

Well I guess I’ve always known my mother in law hasn’t liked me but it all really started when we had a date for our wedding. We were just going to get it legalized. Just us and the parents…if the siblings wanted us there fine…if not..no big deal. We had our big wedding plans but were going to save more money for it. So the first thing she says is ” That day isn’t good for me. It’ll be on the 19th instead. ” Ok well I let that one fly by. Then she invites the WHOLE family. After we said no guests…we were going to send out save the date cards or something. So we still haven’t had our wedding because no one wanted to come twice…she knew that and still invited everyone….we didn’t get the dream wedding we wanted because his mom took over…Not that she listened to me when I said stop no and don’t…And my husband didn’t say anything. She showed up at our wedding wearing a black suit…Not just the color black…not a black dress….a black suit…I would have thought she was going to a funeral. In all the pictures she looked like she was going to kill me. Not one smile. So I thought oh well…we’re married now…. So then not too long after that my husband took some really sexy pictures of me. She wanted to borrow his camera and he said no I have some pics on here I want to keep and she said oh just retake them…he asked when and she said after she goes to the gym for a month..then she looked at me..looked back at him and said well 2 months. She knows I have serious self esteem issues and at the time I was only a size 3. Still doesn’t change the fact that I felt like hell about myself. Then I got pregnant and of course she was ALWAYS reminding me of how huge I was…taking pictures of me shoving food in my mouth and posting them on the internet. Then at the very end she took pic of me when I had my feet in the hot tub. I had a bathing suit top on and my husband was rubbing my belly and she just so happened to get some shots…I didn’t realize it and she showed everyone at a wrestling tournament…Again the husband didn’t say anything……..The baby was older and my husband was saying how he was going to die young because he was wrekless blah blah blah and while my mother in law was holding my son she says to my husband ” Well I guess you better figure out who’s going to have the baby because Sarah won’t get a job a take care of him. ” My husband told me not to get a job but to finish my college instead. While we tried to talk to her about it she blew up in my face saying basically I am horrible and never do anything right as a wife or mother. Then a couple weeks ago after my daughter was born before she was leaving the hospital she says in front of everyone wow and all this from someone who didn’t want her…I mean didn’t want girls. How dare she. Of course I wanted her. I was scared of having a girl because of this! Self esteem issues and I’ll be damned if my daighter has to go through what I am right now. My husband chooses not to say anything. I don’t know if it’s because I’m not worth it or he loves his mom more and won’t grow up or what. I don’t usually say anything because she tries turning it into my fault and then doesn’t talk to me for days and tells everyone everything. I don’t know what to do. I want to lose my temper with her so bad but I know it wouldn’t do any good. Any suggestions??

This post was submitted by Mommax2.

She’s Psycho…

So my husband I have been married for only a short time, but have been dating for almost three years, and during these years, I’ve had problems with every one in his intermediate family except his biological father. It started with his younger brother who hated me cause he is a teenage boy. Then his mom started weird behaviors towards me , but I tried to excuse them. Then his older brother pulled a jerk move and we had problems. Then his step mother and they all got over it in time except him mother. Just a little history on this woman is pathetic.

This post was submitted by Mrs.DeemsSorry.

Help

My husband and I lost our first baby. He died when I was almost six months along. I had to have labor induced. Under the laws of my state, he (my baby) had to be buried or cremated. My husband and I could not bear the thought of having his ashes around, so we opted to bury him. We wanted it private. While we did not say in so many words we only wanted family at the burial, we said we the we did not want put a notice in the paper and made it plain that we wanted no flowers or anything else.
The day of the burial my husband started getting calls from people that were coming to the burial. His mother sent out an email telling people when and where. Her story is that she did not think that anyone would come because she only asked for their prayers.
During my pregnancy, she kept saying that she would feel better if I did not do things the way I wanted to to them. I carefully researched my options and made my choices on the information that was available to me. My husband agreed with my choices after he read the articles, books and websites that I did. His mother read nothing.
Am I over reacting to be angry? I am trying very hard to let it go, but it rubbed salt in my wounds. These were not my friends, they were hers. These people did not call my husband to congratulate him on his first baby, nor did they call him to offer condolences when our baby died. But when their computer breaks, they have no qualms calling him day or night.

This post was submitted by Joy.

Overbearing MIL–Need Advice

Hello

Finally, I think I have finally found a place to vent, and maybe even get some much needed advice.

To give some background, my husband and I have been together 11 years, married 4, and we have 2 young children together. I worked up until our youngest was born, about 6 months ago, but have been given the priveledge of staying home with both kids since then. My husband started a new job that provides very well for us, and allows me the luxury of not having to work. He leaves for work around 7:00 each morning, and if he decides to work over time he doesn’t get home until after 9:00 p.m. some nights.

This post was submitted by Fossil.

Crazy Woman. Period.

This unfortunately is a true story and happened just a few short hours ago. My child will be 3 soon, and my MIL thinks that her 2 dogs are children. They bite, bark, scratch, and annoy the hell out of anyone in the family. As soon as my child was born, it was well known that I didn’t want my baby around the dogs. She never put them out, EVER! So, eventually, I just stopped going down there. At Christmas it was the worst, because she would just sit there and hold them, rocking in her chair (creepy). Staring at me like I hurt the dogs feelings. Anyways, just today, she decided to finally address it. Well, I ripped into her like a buzzsaw, and I must admit, it feels great. I have only been married to my husband for 5 years tomorrow, but it feels like an eternity because it’s always some kind of drama or crisis with his family every day. And, yes, you guessed it, who do you think is the ring leader? The MIL! Not to mention the SIL is a brat and don’t know when to keep her stupid mouth shut. I got into it with her on father’s day because she insists on calling my baby by this stupid nickname, and I finally told her enough is enough! Does anyone out there have an impossible to talk to MIL? Good Luck!

This post was submitted by Amy Miller.

LET ME TELL YOU!

My husband and I lived with his MOTHER for three LONG years, we got into it so bad! she hated me from the get go because he was such a mommas boy and i took all the attention from her! every time we got in an argument (my husband and i) she would be right there all in it! “Whats going on, whats going on” she would say, as ssoon as I heard those words I turned red! Then she instigated and told him what his final thoughts of whatever the fight was and he would side with her opinion and i’d get treated like crap the rest of the day! it got to the poiint where she started rewarding him after our fights, like her sick way of getting her attention back cuz he knew after every blow up she was going to comfort him! And then when I separate into another room he’d go sit with her and they would talk crap about me loud enough so i could hear them, she’d always say, you need to leave her, ya’ll have no business being together, etc… And then when I get mad and start chewing them out, I weas the one in the wrong and they’d make it crazier! And if they weren’t talking crap she would be asking every detail about what we’re fighting about and he would tell her! It was as if I was married to both of them! As you can see I’m speaking past tense. Well we had a child, and thats when things went from bad to worse! Arguments became worse and then she became more aggressive then our fights became physical! I finally snapped and we got into, the first time, she went to jail, the second time i did! and then this was the last month my husband and i were together, three years after i came out, she throws in my face… “I TOLD HIM TO SHIP YOU BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM THE FIRST WEEK YOU WERE HERE! AFTER YOU SAID MY CAR WAS STUPID!” Number one, how could she trip over me saying I don’t like Ford Escapes (her car obviously) because those types are TOP HEAVY, who remembers that stuff, second of all who is she to tell him to ship me back where I came from! What the hell! I am a human not a box! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! But for my 6 month olds sake I left those two and I guess they will live happily ever after. I won the battles but she won the war! I just cannot be married to those two any more LOL!

This post was submitted by Whitney.

All The Things She Said!

We’ve been married for 5 years. Among the nasty things my MIL has said about me, to my husband, behind my back:

1. “She’s stuck up and flashy.” This after she saw my engagement ring, which is less than 1 Carat.
2. “She’s hard to please and demanding.” Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!
3. “She doesn’t care about your happiness.” Because I don’t want my husband to buy everything he sees. He’s an only child, and his mother spoiled him rotten in that department.
4. “She rubs her paycheck in your face.” I have NEVER done that! Although I earn more money than my husband, I don’t happen to care.
5. “You should never have bought that house/moved to that city/bought that car/taken that job/hired that contractor/planted those flowers, etc.” The woman has an opinion about everything, and it’s all negative. “She MADE you do that!” I’m to blame for everything, apparently!

It’s been a fairly steady stream of trying to undermine our relationship behind my back. To my face, she’s nothing but peaches and cream. My husband has merely turned a deaf ear to his mother, instead of telling her off like I wish he would.

Well, now I’m pregnant for the first time. The baby is going to be the first grandchild. Now she says to my husband, behind my back,

1. “She doesn’t know anything about being a mother.” Gee, that’s helpful!
2. “You’re not going to use cloth diapers!” The last time I checked, she doesn’t have rights to that decision.
3. When she found out I intend to breastfeed, she sniffed, “Well, just wait until you find out how hard that is.”
4. When she found out I intend to use day care: “I hope you know that your child will always be sick from all the other kids’ germs. MY son was never in day care. I worked odd shifts to watch him. You’re supposed to do whatever it takes to protect your child!” At least she said that one to my face.

I could go on and on…in fact, I’m sure I’ll be back to share more once the baby is born! Wish me luck and thanks for letting me vent!

This post was submitted by Sari.

Future MIL Wants Financial Support We Cannot Afford

My future Mother-In-Law is putting pressure on my fiance to sign as guarantor on a lease so his Sister can get an apartment. His Sister just came back into our life after not speaking to anyone for 4 years. She left her husband, saying he is a gambler, is living with Mom and has no job, credit history or income except what her husband sends her. My fiance and I have a Son together and also support my daughter and his daughter from former relationships who both live with us. We have little or no savings and live paycheck to paycheck. His Mom insists that there is no risk because she and her husband have promised to cover the cost if his Sister cannot pay the rent, but neither of them can sign for the lease because they have bad credit. They have not told us where they will get the money to pay if she defaults. I feel he is taking a risk with his ability to support his children. If the worst happens and he becomes liable, he will have to pay out the annual lease at $779 a month ($9,300 total) and will not be able to support our family. At first he tried to tell her no, but she kept badgering him. Now, he is insisting on doing this saying that, Family comes first and My Mom has asked for my help. He says it’s a cultural thing because he is Spanish and Spanish people stick together. I have talked until I am blue and I cannot make him understand the risk or change his mind. I do not know what to do. Help?

This post was submitted by Holly1967.

My MIL: Creator of Hell

I’ve been married to my husband for 13 years. His mother and I have always had our ups and downs. She’s very controlling and opinionated….but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t deal with at the time. I quit my job 3 years ago to help my husband run the farm. The first year was great. My MIL was nice and we actually got along really well and had fun working together…so much so that I was even beginning to feel close to her….and then slowly she went back to her old ways….and then took “Evil” to an all new level. She plays mind games with me to try and make me look incompetent in front of my husband. An example would be: She would tell me to do something….and after I had done what she said….she would ask me why I did that and deny that she had any part in it…Or she would say something incredible nasty to me and then deny that she had said anything…just little things like that. Lately she has been going out of her way to let me know that I am not included in the family….that anything my husband owns is not mine. I bought a horse a few months ago from my uncle….just for pleasure riding and herding cows…she came right out and told me that if it was my husbands money that bought the horse…it wasn’t my horse. She talks badly about me to everyone….including my 11 yr old daughter. My husband is supportive of me and stands up for me but it doesn’t slow her down at all. Moving is not an option as we farm with my husbands parents. Her behavior towards me is so bad that I’m having trouble sleeping at night and all I could do during the day is cry. I did see my doctor and he put me on Lexapro to take the edge off of dealing with her. He actually owns land that boarders my in-laws and has himself had to deal with my MIL….not a pleasant experience in his opinion.
Anyway….here I am…trying to get along, trying to be nice….but how long will I last in this toxic environment. I’m thinking of leaving my husband…even though I love him very much…and it would be what my MIL wants….it’s a no win situation…

This post was submitted by susan.